Friday, March 7, 2014

I Take Them Home

When I left my previous job and started my new one last August, I knew the change would be a transition.

I had no idea how true that statement would be.

One of the changes that I was most excited about, was the prospect of not working from home anymore. Anyone that works from home knows the challenge to separate work and home. There really isn't a graceful way to do it. As long as my computer was there, my work was there. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job. I loved the flexibility it afforded me, when I had five kids under the age of eight. I loved being able to essentially do my job from anywhere with wifi. I loved not needing to call in sick, because a kid was home with strep.

I just struggled with my work always being present in my home.

This new job afforded me the ability to separate work and home. I could leave work at work, and be home when I was home.

Damn, was that the biggest misunderstanding I have ever had with myself.

I take my work home. All the time. Every day.

I take home the resident that won't eat and is declining and I wonder...did I do everything I could have? Did I miss something? I take home the resident that is sad and depressed. I can make them smile. Did I do it enough today? I take home the resident that is lonely and just wants someone to talk to. Did I give them enough time today, or did they feel brushed off? I take home the resident that is actively dying. Alone. No one should have to die alone. I could be there to hold their hand...offer a simple gesture of comfort that tells them that someone cares for them. I take home the resident that is angry with their situation. I would be angry, too. I take home the resident that no longer recognizes their spouse. How scary for them and their family, to see decades of memories just slip away.

I take them home.

I stare at the ceiling at night and I think about this one, or that one. I worry on days off that I forgot to do something or that I could have done something more. I know full well that they are in good hands when I'm not there, but I care. And I worry. I have met such amazing people and been privy to part of their incredible stories.

I take them home.

I know no other way.

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