Friday, January 3, 2014

Unexpected Changes

I don't like change.

I am a creature of habit and I'm perfectly happy staying that way. I have my routines that I stick to, my obsessions that own me and I really, really like my comfort zone.

So...I became the mother of five and a nurse. Smart move on my part, eh?

I am learning to embrace change. I am learning to be pushed step out of that awful comfort zone. I am trying, my hardest, to let go of expectation and fear. My life has been full of the unexpected and, one way or another, I have grown because of it or learned a lesson or at the very least...survived it.

I have had a plan for my life...specifically my career...for the last decade. I was warned a million and a half times not to focus on a specialty area, because it would change. I would always laugh and tell the person whose opinion I hadn't asked for in the first place that they were wrong. That wasn't going to happen to me. Labor and Delivery. Babies. Mommas. That was my calling and nothing was going to persuade me otherwise.

I still think it is my calling.

But...I think I'm going to end up taking a little detour first.


I swore up and down...twice...that I would never work long term care. Nope. No thank you. That is not for me. Then I got my LPN and who would hire me? Long. Term. Care.

I have fallen in love with my job. In. Love. I love the people I work with. I love the people I care for. I love their families most of the time. I love it all. That's not to say that it isn't hard work and there aren't days that I question why in the world I ever chose nursing. On the good days I remember why I love it. On the great days I know that I didn't choose nursing...it chose me.

Another area I swore I would never work in is hospice. Dying people...no. thank. you. Watching Jared and Mom go was hard enough. No.

We have many hospice patients at my facility. Whenever we have someone that is close to passing...I am drawn to them. I want to give them all my time, all my love and all my attention. I sincerely love their families and I want to care for them, too. I love talking to them. Holding their hand. Listening. They have amazing things to say.

I think I will take a little detour into hospice, once the craziness of school is over. I want to care for those with not much time. I want to make their passing peaceful and perfect. I want to be a landing place for their families and do everything I can to comfort them.

(Don't tell all those people that they were right not wrong and I really did kinda, sorta change my mind.)

It's a selfish decision, too.

Maybe...just maybe...if I can take away the mystery and the fear of dying...living  won't seem that scary anymore, either.

"Life begins...at the end of your comfort zone."


1 comment:

Amy said...

Wow - I too was only going to work L&D. And then somehow 6 months after gettingmy LPN, and working mother baby, I suddenly had the golden ticket. My RN license. I was told I would have to continue graveyard shifts and could maybe train in L&D in a year. Well, I didn't know what to do - I had two other job offers waiting to hear back fom me. I took a leap - and went to work as a Hospice Case Manager. I had completed a clinical there, and I guess they liked me. It was so rewarding. And an area of nursing I never saw myself in. Good Luck!