Tuesday, July 23, 2013

SURPRISE!!! (Day Five...Photo Shoot)

From the moment we booked this trip I knew that more than anything I wanted to do a photo shoot with the kids on the beach. When would I ever get this chance again? Not likely anytime soon! I knew exactly how I wanted them to look and what I wanted them to wear. I knew they would turn out perfect. Thanks to an overcast and drizzly day (sunny days are no bueno for pictures...shadows and squinty eyes just don't look great) I got exactly what I was hoping for.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Happy Birthday Bailey Bug!!

I am so blessed to be this child's mother.

She is such a kind soul. Too kind, sometimes...I worry she will be "walked on" or "taken advantage of" as she grows...but kind. She is always looking out for, and be the voice of, the under dog. That makes my heart melt.

I can always count on her for the best hugs. No matter where I've been or how long I've been gone, this child always greats me with a great big hug and a smile. It's good to feel loved! :)

She is always such a good kid. I mean...she has moments when "teenagerhood" rears it's ugly face...but they are typically few and far between. I love that we can talk about anything and that she has a very mature view of things.

She loves and forgives easily. I could stand to learn a few lessons from my beautiful girl.

I love you. So much. You have been a blessing in my life, from the very moment that I discovered you existed. You have changed my world in ways that I can never repay you for. I hope that you continue to be the bubbly, loving and kind young woman that you are today. You are so incredibly beautiful, inside and out, and anyone who is lucky enough to have you as part of their life, is forever changed. I love you, my beautiful little ladybug. Happy 12th birthday.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Letter To Myself

Hey, you.

Yes, you.

You thought you couldn't do it, huh? You thought you would fail and have to deal with the embarrassment. You questioned your choice to give so much time and energy toward something that you might not be good enough to accomplish. You wondered how you would face the world...as a failure. You were already ashamed of yourself.

You were wrong. 

You did it.

You passed the NCLEX.

"I'm going to be a nurse one day" has now turned into "I'm a nurse. I'm. A. Freaking. Nurse."

Have a little faith in yourself, would you?

Now...go find a job. ;)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

NCLEX Schmclex

I realize that it has been nearly a month since I blogged. I realize that I have yet to finish blogging our amazing vacation (I want to go back so. damn. bad.) I realize that this summer is getting away from me.

I have a good reason!

Tomorrow, I take the NCLEX. The first NCLEX I will take, to earn my first nursing license. Yes, after years of droning on and on and on about becoming a nurse...I will soon actually be one. Soon. So soon. Like, I will know for certain by this weekend, soon.


I have spent the last five days studying. I think I have taken more notes in the last five days than I did all last year. I have taken several practice tests. The sole purpose of those, I have decided, is to break me down emotionally and suck every last ounce of confidence out of my body.

The pressure is slowly killing me. I stupidly planned this exam after the 4th of July parades and I'm pretty sure I have stress eaten my weight in taffy. My hair is falling out. I clench my jaw so much that I'm exhibiting TMJ symptoms. I no longer dream of bunnies and rainbows, but of words like ketoacidosis, ischemia, betamethasone and hypernatremia. I have so many lab values floating in my head that it may explode...and numbers will come spilling out like a movie theater popcorn machine gone berserk.

Everyone who has taken the exam already tells me that there is nothing I can do to prepare. I will be questioned about medications I have never heard of and a third of the questions will be "select all that apply". They tell me not to waste my time studying and to just take a nap...because they wished they would have.

They have all passed.

I still can't do it.

I prefer to teeter on the edge of sanity, worried that I will be "The One". I will be the one to fail it. I will be the one who has to show up in the fall when classes start, without my license, because I couldn't hack it. I will be the one who chokes, at the most important time. I will be The One.

God bless my family. They bring me food. They bring me water. They go for runs with me, when I need a break. They hug me when I want to cry. I couldn't do this without them. I pray...I don't let them down.