Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Happy Birthday, Carter

Dear Carter,

Happy 5th birthday, my Little One. You have been on my mind a lot lately, as your birthday has approached. I still sense your presence around me, at times, and it makes me smile. Luke still brings you up the most...I have a feeling you must visit him more often than the girls.

I ran my half marathon this year, Little One. Whenever I felt too tired and wanted to give up, I talked to you. You ran with me a lot during training and I knew you wouldn't let me down on the big day. I knew you were there. Thank you for holding my hand and pulling me along. I couldn't have done it without you.

It has been a hard year, Little One. School is challenging and pushes me to my limits every single day. I almost had to care for a Mom in the PACU, that was waking up from her D&C. I was thankful that she wasn't out of surgery before I had to go for the day. It would have been too hard, to watch her open her eyes and see her face shatter, as reality settles back in through the anesthetic haze. I remember all too well, waking up and crying out...knowing in that instant that you were really gone.

Watch over us, Little One. Celebrate your birthday in Heaven, knowing that we would give anything to have you here with us. Bounce on a cloud, dance on a star...and never forget how much I love you.

Love,
Mommy

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