Tomorrow is Avery's 8th birthday. The only 8th birthday she will ever have...(well...duh, but roll with me for a minute)...and I am going to miss it. All of it. I HATE missing important moments in my kids' lives. I move heaven, hell and earth in order to prevent that. Sometimes...I can't. And it breaks my heart.
The only other birthday I have ever missed for one of the children is Bailey's 9th birthday, because my hysterectomy became complicated and the doctor kept me in the hospital longer than we anticipated. That broke my heart too...although all the pain medication at the time allowed me to sleep though most of it. ;)
Tomorrow I have to work 12 hours in the ER, which means I will leave the house at 5:20 am, about an hour and a half before Avery wakes up. I will be done with my shift at 6 pm, but then I have a prenatal class I have to attend, for a paper I have write, from 7-9 pm. I won't get home until around 9:30 pm, about an hour and a half after Avery goes to bed. The hour in between is when Avery is in taekwondo, so I can't even see her then, if I were to come home. I'm hoping to facetime her at some point after she gets home from school, providing things are calm in the ER (Do you hear that people?!?! Do NOT come to the ER tomorrow afternoon!!).
I hate this. I hate when my school stuff interferes with my personal life. I mean, I know it will to a point, but I try my best to work around things that are incredibly important to my children. They are my entire world and my entire reason for going back to school. I want to make them proud and I want to provide for them in ways that I have been unable to in the past.
I'm hoping that Avery understands (so far she says she does) and that the slumber party we have planned with a couple of her friends for Friday night, makes up for it. We are going out for our Mommy-Daughter date on Sunday and she picked The Old Spaghetti Factory for lunch. I'm trying to see it as a postponed birthday and not a missed birthday.
This will all be worth it one day, right?