Saturday, September 15, 2012

Another Trip Around The Sun

Thirty-one.

A long time ago...back when my age began with a "1"...back when all my responsibilities could be counted on one hand...back when I didn't have a freaking clue...I thought that by the time I was in my thirties, I'd have my life all figured out. I thought I'd be settled in my career and have my entire life path laid out before me. I'd be living in my forever home, within minutes of family and friends I've known for two decades. I'd finally...know it all.

*please pause while I calm my hysterical laughter*

I never figured that I'd be a thirty-one year old college student. I didn't think I'd be contemplating a huge move after graduating, in an effort to explore the world and expose my children to the wonders in it. I didn't know that in some ways I'd still be that same insecure and scared girl that I was two decades ago...in a different shape body.

Now, I can count my five biggest responsibilities on one hand...but they sure aren't my only responsibilities.


Now...I'm a thirty-one year old college student. However, at twenty-five I didn't think I'd be a thirty-one year old college student only because I never thought I'd go back to school. I would much rather still be conquering my dream...than having never started it. 

As for my life path...and having it all figured out...I don't. I sure don't know it all (shhh...don't tell Josh that I admitted that) and I am still very insecure...in some circumstances. But...that is okay. Some of the greatest events in my life thus far have been unplanned and I'm getting stronger every day. 

I remember asking my Meme a few years ago, on her birthday, what her most favorite age was. I wanted to know what age she would stay forever, if given the chance. I was so happy, when she replied, "Thirty-two". I was glad that she hadn't chosen an age that had already passed me by, because I couldn't go back and relive that age. As I find myself approaching my grandmother's favorite age, I think of that conversation often. Will thirty-two be my favorite age, as well? Will it be thirty-one? Will it be forty? I don't know. I just know that I am loving my life and the direction it is heading right now. 

No, I'm not where I thought I'd be by my thirties...but in some ways, my life has already far exceeded my expectations. As for that parts that haven't...

...I'm working on it. ;)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

So...This Nursing School Thing...

I've been a nursing student for 17 days now...and I'm still alive.

I've done eighteen assignments, two discussion posts, one paper and two tests. I've read more than I am able to remember. I've learned that even if we are studying chapters 4-6, the assignment can very well be based off of chapters 32-69.

I've cried twice. Yelled at my computer hourly. Wanted to quit...nearly every day.


But, I'm following the age old advice of, "take it one day at a time." It's the only way I figure that I am going to survive. Some things have been easier than I expected. The assignments aren't hard by any means, there are just a lot of them. Some things are worse. The communication between professors and students is a little lacking, in my opinion.

I've said all along that if I can just make it through to Christmas without losing a kid, getting divorced or failing a class, then I will consider my first semester a success. So far, so good! ;) We'll see what the next 17 days bring, as we begin our clinicals...

Now...when do I get to start poking people???

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

So...I Turned Into "That" Mom

Yesterday was a big day for Peanut. Not only was it her first day of dance class, but it was also her first day of preschool, as well!

Peanut is my only child who has a little bit of separation anxiety. She wants to be with me, doing what I'm doing, eating what I'm eating, watching what I'm watching and wearing what I'm wearing ("Mom, we are twinners!")...if at all possible. Okay...so the girl has a bit more than "a little bit" of separation anxiety...

Swimming lessons were a nightmare this summer. She refused to go and would freak out if we tried to leave her with the life guards. Eventually we stopped pushing the issue and by the end of summer she was swimming 6-8 feet unassisted anyway. She just wanted me to teach her...not a bunch of strangers.

I've been dreading yesterday, because I knew it was going to be rough on her...but I had no idea how rough it was going to be on me, as well. I've never been the kind of mom that worries about back to school time. I don't overly miss or worry about my kids when they are gone. (If I want to be perfectly honest, by the time school time rolls around I am so sick of summer that I'm half tempted to get them ready a couple days early and just tell them to walk reaaalllly sloooowwww...) ;)

I honestly didn't think I would have a problem with Peanut going to school, either. I know she is my baby and is the last one, but I really thought I'd be okay...

Boy...was I wrong.

I dropped her off at dance class (dance is from 11-12 and then preschool is from 12:30-3:00...couldn't have cut that closer, could I?), came home and just sat. The house was so quiet and I was so worried about how she was doing. I knew she was scared being left alone, and I felt horrible, like I had let her down by leaving her. I walked past the couch and saw her baby, all alone on the couch and that's when I burst into tears. Her baby was abandoned...just like I had abandoned her. (Of course I knew that I didn't really abandon her, but in my state, that's what it felt like!)

Say it with me: "E-mo-tion-al-wreck".

Thankfully, I pulled it together by the time I went to pick her up. She ran across the dance floor, piggy tails bouncing, with a big smile on her face and gave me a gigantic hug. I melted into that little girl's arms, relieved that she was okay and we skipped across the parking lot.



She quickly came home, got in her new school clothes and went to preschool happily...with no tears!



Shockingly...her momma also held it together for the rest of the day.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

I CAN Do That

Yesterday I completed an Insanity workout from beginning to end...without stopping. That is the first time, in all the months that I have been doing the program, that I have been able to do that. Normally, I would have to take extra long breaks to catch my breath or stretch a muscle, but this time...I wanted to see if I could finally do it.

And I did.

Much easier than I anticipated.

I wonder how much I underestimate my abilities in other areas of my life? What else could I accomplish if I stopped saying, "I can't do that." what else am I holding myself back from?