Monday, December 10, 2012

Ups and Downs

Things have been rough lately. I don't know if she has outgrown her medication dosage, or what. She isn't sleeping like she should...I awaken often to find her up at 4 am...2 am...and it is rare for her to fall back asleep, meaning that she is difficult the following day. The yelling, the backtalk, the anger...that drove us to seek help in the first back.
She was upset today, because I told her that she was having $0.50 from her weekly allowance deducted (the same as her siblings), because the children's television room was not kept clean all week. She then proceeded to kick a hole in her bedroom wall.
If this were any of my other children, I would know how to solve this. I would know what to do and say, in order for them to understand that this kind of behavior is not acceptable in our home. I could rationalize with them.
But...she is not my other kids. She is Avery. To anyone else, she is being a brat. To those who really know her, she is cycling through her moods. It is hard. It hurts. I feel like a bad mother, because I can't make it better. Fix it. Fix her. I just have to hope that what I am doing, is what is best.
I opened up to her teacher a few weeks ago, regarding Avery's difficulties. She didn't respond. At all. I got no acknowledgement. Not even a "Thanks for letting me know." I had decided to alert her to Avery's needs, because of a note I got regarding her behavior at school. Since that day, when I sent the email, it seems that Avery has pulled a card nearly every day. I am trying not to feel like she is being singled out or picked on...and I probably wouldn't feel that way if her teacher had just hit the "reply" button. Does she think it's easy, for a mother to open up, like that? Does she think it's fun for me, to explain that my child is different?
It's hard for me to remember that Avery is a little girl, struggling, when things get like this. When she is in a good mood, she is fun to be around. She is giggly and well behaved and aims to please. I try to hang on to those memories, for times like this.
I've placed a call to her therapist, reaching out for help again. I don't know if just a therapy session will solve this, or a change in medication is needed.
I. Just. Need. Help.
It's frustrating, too. Every time she cycles down like this, I am reminded that this will most likely be forever. It won't go away. It won't be outgrown. It may be managed more effectively, but she...and I...will forever struggle with her behavior and moods.
There is no cure...but there is love.
Love will not fix it. Love will not change it. But, love will get us through it. Somehow.
And I LOVE this little girl, more than she will ever understand.


DizzyMamma said...

I feel for you, and on top of your hectic life, I can imagine that this is the last thing you want to deal with.

I have been thinking similar things about Freyja needing a boost in her meds. She is still doing good through the day at school, but from the moment I get home, we are back to arguing, back chat, crying and getting grumpy at nothing. Lack of awareness of what she does; she literally walked over me last night, I was pinned between her and the sofa and had to move out of the way and when her dad commented that her meds had worn off and she wasn't listening etc, she ran off, full of tears with the "You all hate me, I wish I was invisible, I can't do anything right".

And you know, in some respects, she's right. I do shout at her more than I would wish, because often the only way to get her to hear is to shout. She doesn't register that I already said the same thing 8 times in a normal voice, she thinks I just go straight into shout mode. Her perception of the situation is different to mine.

I know we need to up meds, but because of them wearing off earlier, she is actually eating again in the evenings, and I hate to consign her back to nausea and 'forcing' her to eat, but in my heart, I know it is what's needed. I know I need a higher dosage for me too - I'm getting more forgetful and disorganised again two (put 2 ADHDers in a room together and its chaos waiting to happen).

I do hope you manage to get the help you need for Avery (not easy at this time of year, I know) and that the school becomes more supportive (maybe you need to bypass the teacher and go straight to the principal). For kids like ours to succeed and flourish, they need everyone in their lives supporting and guiding them, rather than judging them (and I know I am guilty of that myself at times) and as she is spending, and will spend, more time with her teacher and classmates than anyone else over the next few years, the school really has to get on board with helping guide her in the right way.

(((hugs))) Wishing you all the best.


Candygirlflies said...

Oh, my dear... I'm so sorry that you're both having such a rough time. What a terrible shame that the teacher didn't take this golden opportunity to reciprocate and open the line of communication, so that you can work together to provide your girl with consistency between home and school.

Have you spoken to any of the administrators? I would hope that they would jump at the chance to work with you for Avery.

Hang in there. Thinking of you--

xoxo CGF

Lmdrape said...

You are an amazing momma and I think things will get better. In those pictures she almost looks like to different children. I cannot imagine the stress it is on you or how hard it is. Keep on trying because so far you are amazing! The teacher really should have at least acknowledged the email and maybe asked for pointers on what to do to help. It is sad that it seems it was ignored.