Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Stick And Stones...

...can break your bones,
But words can sometimes help you.

I got an email from one of my professors last night.

But, let me backtrack a bit...

I'm struggling. I am doing fine on assignments and I willing tackle anything thrown at me during clinicals...from toileting someone, to glucose checks, to medications, to wound care, I will do anything, happily. However, these tests...they are unlike anything I have ever taken. My options usually come down to:

A. Obviously not right.
B. Probably not right.
C. Definitely right.
D. Definitely right.

Yeah...

I can usually justify at least two answers on any given question and argue why it is correct. My professors will even agree...they are both correct...BUT...which one is MORE correct?

Really???

I have never had to study before. I could learn enough from my assignments and listening to lectures...add in some common sense...and I could still pull A's on most tests.

Now?

I accept C's...I celebrate B's...and my two A's that I earned? I almost sat in the corner of the testing center, sobbing my happy little heart out.

So...as I sit here and struggle...I grasp on to anything...any little thing that helps motivate me and push me forward. It could be a text or message from a classmate. It could be dinner brought over by a friend. It could be a hug, telling me to stay strong. It could be words of encouragement on facebook, from my family.

Last night...last night it was a simple email from one of my professors:

"Leeann,
You mentioned in your paper My Nursing Journey that you often feel inadequate. The quality of work you are doing is more than adequate. You are turning the corner. Keep up the good work and be proud of what you are doing. Your APA is correct, good job. You give a lot of great detail. Take the time and do a little happy dance :) Keep working as hard as you are and you are going to be an excellent nurse."

Did it feel like Heaven's gates just opened up??? Did you hear angels singing?!?!
Or was that just me?

Maybe someone does see something in me, that I don't.
Maybe I can do this.
Maybe...just maybe...I will survive this after all.

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