Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Rollercoaster Ridin'

Sometimes I feel like my life is a little bi-polar. My posts are up and down. My facebook statuses are up and down. My outlook for the future is up and down.

Well...in the grand scheme of things...they are.

I'm sure people read what I have to write and think, "Woman! Get it together! Pick! Are you happy with your life or not?" *sigh*

I am. I am. Overall, my life is pretty damn amazing...and I know it. I am surrounded by people who love me. I have people in my life that support me. I was accepted to my school of choice and two years from now I will be a registered nurse. I have a job that while it is over taking much of my life right now, allows me the flexibility most people only dream of.

But, I can't fake that life is perfect all the time. I can't be strong 100% of the time. I can't smile through the tears all the time. Some days, like yesterday, are just so overwhelming, that it bubbles over. I have to get it out. Vent. Scream. Cry. Be frustrated.

So, when I seem to be living life on a roller coaster...it's because I am. Living with someone who's moods vary from day to day, or moment to moment is extremely hard. I don't let it affect me on some days, but when it shows itself in the form of physical violence, I feel like a failure as a parent...and I crash. I can't be strong anymore. I can't deal anymore. I let the hopelessness creep in and I worry.

So bear with me. I'm riding this ride, that I can't get off. I just have to keep praying that I am strong enough to stomach the journey.

1 comment:

DizzyMamma said...

You are strong enough and then some. I don't know how you manage with 4 kids, never mind with the issues you are dealing with, school and everything else that you seem to manage on a daily basis. I struggle with just the two and my house is akin to the Somme on most days as the kids leave a trail of destruction I just don't have the energy to tidy up. You have really been an inspiration, so never believe you are not strong, you are the glue that holds everything together and don't doubt it!! :-)