Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Can You Imagine?

Can you imagine parenting a child who that when she is happy, she is so happy that she is out of control? Everything is funny, she cannot be serious and she bounces from one thing to another, unaware that she is tormenting everyone in her path.

Can you imagine parenting a child who that when she is sad, she cries, uncontrollably? Her feelings become hurt very easily and her hormones go haywire, much like a 30 year old PMSing woman, trapped in a seven year old's body.

Can you imagine parenting a child who that when she is angry she is so pissed at the world that nothing will calm her down? She cannot stop herself from lashing out verbally or physically, damaging relationships in her life.

Can you imagine parenting a child who seems to crawl on hands and knees up a steep hill toward progress, only to slip down that exact slope in a matter of a day? An hour? A moment? Where all hope of a bright future becomes dim and lost?

Can you imagine parenting a child who you just have no idea how to parent? Every single day is a new obstacle course that your previous training is completely useless against. Nothing you learned from past experiences will help you and you are running the course blind.

Can you imagine parenting a child who makes every single day a complete challenge, to the point that you collapse into bed every night, exhausted from trying to control the uncontrollable? You feel defeated and like a failure, because you, as the parent, are supposed to know what to do. But, you don't.

Can you imagine parenting a child who lashes out with such rage at everyone around her, that you wonder in your heart of hearts if she even loves you? Loves her family? Loves herself?

I pray that you CAN'T imagine.

Because I don't have to.  I parent that child every single day.

And it is a type of hell that I don't wish on anyone.

2 comments:

DizzyMamma said...

Oh Leeann, I am so so sorry you are feeling like that. And I really do understand. Your post is describing my life and Freyja is the child. Every day is a battle, with me, with the world, with herself. I wish I could make you feel better, if only by letting you know that you are not alone in that struggle up the steep hill, maybe we can help each other up there... I know reading your blog always helps make me feel less alone in fighting the good fight.

Amy said...

You write with such passion. Just remember that there is a reason you were chosen to be this little girls mommy.

And you may not know that reason in this lifetime, just that it's there.