Friday, April 29, 2011

My Bucket List

This isn't my entire "bucket list",
but I thought it was a good start.
What's on yours?

I Will Stand By You

I have so many friends having a hard time right now. All for various reasons, but hard times, nonetheless.

It breaks my heart.

I'm a fixer. It's what I do. When someone is suffering or tormented, I want to fix it. I want to make it better. I want to take all their pain away.

I hate that I can't always do that. I hate admitting that most things are beyond my control. I hate knowing that I can't give people what they so desperately want. I hate knowing that I can't protect people from the harsh words of others. I hate that my friends are living through tough times, that I can't take away.

But, I can offer a hug. I can give them a shoulder to cry on. I can listen to their troubles. 

If that fails...I'm always willing to share my hidden stash of chocolate... :)

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Well...It Could Have Been Worse...

Funny that I would bring up the flood, in my last post. You know...THE flood. Remember the Flood of January '10? 

Well, as we were getting ready to leave for a walk the same night as that post, my friend exclaims, "WHY is your ceiling leaking???" I shrieked out a few choice words, mixed with, "Not again!! NOT AGAIN!!", as I went tearing up the stairs to our second floor bathroom. Sure enough...the toilet was clogged and there was a good 2 inches of water on the floor. *sigh*

Last time, I knew that a child (*cough* Luke *cough*) had tried to flush an entire roll of toilet paper, causing the flood. This time, there was nothing indicating this and it was so easy to correct, that I think it was just a normal clog...that overflowed. *sigh*

The way our upstairs bathroom is designed, the heat vent is on the floor, right next to the toilet. So, the water has a very easy access route to the ceiling above our dining room. *sigh*

Well, we caught it earlier than last time, at least. There was no water pouring out of my chandelier this time, so I'm thankful for that. Now I just have to live with this destruction while it dries out and then Josh will repair the ceiling. Again. *sigh*

On the bright side of things...because this is now the second time that my living room rug has been flooded (when they poked the holes, the water came pouring out, on to my carpet), I have convinced the man that it needs to be torn up. Assuming Josh can work some overtime in the near future, I will finally have the hardwood floors I've wanted, on the main floor. *giggle*

Isn't this lovely? This is right under the bathroom. It was so wet, that it just gave way and WHOOOSH!, down came the water.

Pretty, right? Another water escape hole, along a seam.

Awesome holes, poked in my ceiling, to dry out all the sheetrock and beams. *sigh* could have been worse!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Vows For My Children

Once again, I'm sitting here, pondering the thought processes of others. *sigh*

Life is hard, people. Didn't we already cover this? Again, I'm left questioning why on earth people make it harder for others.

When two people get married, they take certain vows. They promise to love each other in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy, as well as in sorrow. They promise to love one another unconditionally, to support each other in their goals, to honor and laugh with and cry with and to cherish their spouse.

When two people have children, shouldn't these same promises extend to the little lives that they brought into this world? Shouldn't the vows that were proclaimed in front of family and friends, envelope the family that your love created?

Beautiful children, of mine, I love you. I will love you in sickness (and $20,000 hospital bills) and in health. I will love you in good times and in bad (like when you flooded the house). I will love you in joy and in sorrow. I will love you unconditionally. I will support you in your goals (no matter what they may be). I will honor and respect your right to live your life in such a way that you are happy (even if I disagree with your choices). I will laugh with (and sometimes, at) you and hold you, when you cry. I will forever cherish the little miracles, that each of you are.

Forever and always. <3

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Embrace The Differences In Others

It's the same size.
It's the same shape.
It has the same physical composition, as it's peers.
It can live comfortably in the same world, as the others.
It just chooses to be a little bit different.  
It is an individual.
Regardless of the differences, it is still accepted as an egg.
Because, when it comes down to it...
...inside... still has the same heart of gold.

Embrace the differences in others.
Respect their choices to live differently.
 Be different. Think different.
Want different things for themselves.
For, when it comes down to it...
...we all just want to be happy.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Don't Know When...

...but this teeny little baby grew up.

I've been watching it slowly happen. But, suddenly, she is a little girl...and no longer a baby.

When I put on her shoes, no longer are they the unscuffed, pretty shoes, of an unwalking baby. When I do the laundry, no longer do I sift out teeny, tiny baby socks or tiny baby clothes. When I do the dishes, no longer do I wash baby bottles or even sippy cups.

Our newest development?

No longer...after more than a decade...does our household have a child in diapers. That's right. Our Peanut is 100%, twenty-four hours a day, potty trained. Her little Dora-pantied bum runs all over the house...without an accident in sight.


I'm excited for these changes and to watch my children learn and grow. I just wish that they'd consult me, before they kept doing it so gosh darn fast...

Monday, April 18, 2011


I did it...and you know what? It. Was. Worth. It.

I still don't know how I'm going to survive nursing school. (But I will!) I still don't know if I'll even get in. (Yes I will!) I don't know how I will manage the workload and everything else. (But I will!)

But...I know that it will be worth it, when I do. The magic of Friday night, was unbelievable. Everything I had sacrificed, that my family had sacrificed...the sleepless nights, the stress of tests, the harsh all melted away when they announced my name and I walked across stage to receive my diploma.

Me, Ry and Bay, before ceremony

Getting my diploma and shaking every one's hands. (Sanitizer, anyone...?) ;)

My whole world, and the reason that I do, everything that I do. Above all else, I want to make them proud.

Josh, I owe you so much. You have really filled in the gaps, when I have needed to study and do homework, these past few years. Your support and encouragement is what got me through those times when I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and wanted to give up. I love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. <3

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Celebrating Mom

It's that time again, to run the Susan G. Komen, to celebrate Mom. Next to the 4th of July, this is one of my most favorite days of the year. I LOVE being among all the thousands of people there to support someone they know that has fought breast cancer. I LOVE being among a sea of pink survivor hats. I LOVE the adrenaline rush of hearing this song play, as I cross the starting line.

If you would like to be on our team, or even donate to our $300 goal, please CLICK HERE. We'd love to have you join us! Help us celebrate a woman who was taken from her family, far too early.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Where, O Where, Has Spring Time Gone?

It's supposed to be spring? The snow that has been falling outside for days, has me convinced otherwise.

I'm ready for flip-flps and sunshine. Tulips showing their colorful faces. Family walks, after dinner. Popsicles. Grilled chicken, corn on the cob and watermelon dinners. Flying kites at the park and feeding the birds at the lake. The smell of sunblock in my children's hair, when I snuggle them close.

But, let's be clear on this...I'm ready for spring. I'm not ready for summer. Because then all the kids are home. And they outnumber me. ;)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

By My Side


Next week, I am going to be accepting my Associate's diploma and my greatest wish is that you could be there, in the audience, smiling and excited for me. I wish that you could give me a hug afterwards and tell me how proud you are of me. I wish that you could pose for pictures with the rest of us and stand next to me, with your arm around me.

Instead, I will have to be content with knowing that you will be by my side. I can take comfort in knowing that you won't miss my important just won't be there in the way that I want you to be. I'm hoping that you send me a rainbow, to let me know that you are there. I still strive to make you proud, Mom. Every. Single. Day.

Love, Me

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Today...I Remember

Today, I take some quiet time to remember a little soul, who was taken from my life too early.


We tried for over a year to conceive you and were overjoyed the day we discovered that you existed. You were the answer to our prayers! I loved you from the moment that the doctor confirmed that we had been successful in conceiving our fifth, precious blessing.

You will always be my miracle.

The day we found out that you might not make it...was the day that I felt my heart break into a billion, tiny, sharp pieces. There is a permanent memory loop that plays in my head, of that day. The hardness of the ultrasound table. The look on the tech's face, as she quickly turned the screen. The sound of her voice cracking, as she told me that she was going to talk to the Doctor. The way the next week passed in a hazy blur, as we waited and cried and prayed for them to be wrong.

Three years ago today, I walked into the hospital knowing that your soul was gone, but still carrying you inside me, for the last time. Three years ago today, I cried uncontrollably as they  put me to sleep, hugging my belly. Three years ago today, I woke up from that surgery, with tears still rolling down my cheeks, knowing that they had taken you from me.

I will never forget you, my Little One. I know that you are in the arms of an amazing Angel Grandma, who is keeping you safe, until I can hold you close to my broken heart. I love you, Carter.

Love, Mommy