Wednesday, August 31, 2011

You Can't Die From A Panic Attack...Right?

Words can't describe how I'm feeling right now.

But...because I know that writing things out helps me, I'm going to try.

Avery's appointment is in less than three hours and the anxiety I'm feeling is overwhelming. I'm sure my family thinks I've lost my mind...as I've become withdrawn and overly emotional. I've been on the verge of a panic attack all morning, so that is really not helping the situation.

Yes, I'm probably over-reacting. Yes, I know I'm probably not making things any easier. Yes, I know that this is what is best for her.

I just can't shake the fear of the unknown. I don't know what will happen today. For other doctor appointments, I know the routine. Weight, height, vitals...she has another ear infection? Big shocker.

But, today, I don't know what they will ask or what they will have her do. I don't know what they will think or what they will find. I don't know what the future holds for her. For our family. I feel like I'm going to be interviewed and examined to see where they can find fault.

And what if...it's mine?

1 comment:

Andrea said...

It might not even help for me to say this, but: It is not your fault. None of it. Doesn't change the fact that you might feel that way, I know.

{{hugs}}

You know there are TONS of people thinking and praying for you and your daughter (and the rest of your family) as you go through this. Happy you're writing things out to help deal with your feelings. Proud of you, sista'. <3