I have a huge manila envelope sitting on my counter.
I don't want to open it.
Just looking at it, is causing me to fight off a panic attack.
It's for Avery, from the Children's Center. I knew this packet would come sometime soon, since her appointment is less than four weeks away now.
I don't know what's in this packet, other than they told me I would have to fill a bunch of papers out.
So they want me to lay it all out? Document it all? Remind myself how incompetent I am, on a day to day basis? How under-qualified I feel daily, let alone to even begin tackling this...? Nit-pick everything about my daughter and wonder what is Avery and what is...whatever is going on with her? Or...am I wrong and they are one and the same?
Confused, yet? I am.
Stupid, stupid envelope.
I think I'll wait. Today is not the day to open that thing. Today is a day where we went to the park and played on the swings. Today is a day where we made brownies. Today is a day where we rode bikes in lazy circles. Today is a day that we laid on the grass and found cloud shapes. Today is a day that I have Mom's chicken pot pie cooking in the oven, for dinner.
Today is not a day for me to deal with that envelope.