Thursday, August 4, 2011

It Came

I have a huge manila envelope sitting on my counter.

I don't want to open it.

Just looking at it, is causing me to fight off a panic attack.

It's for Avery, from the Children's Center. I knew this packet would come sometime soon, since her appointment is less than four weeks away now.

I don't know what's in this packet, other than they told me I would have to fill a bunch of papers out.

Great.

So they want me to lay it all out? Document it all? Remind myself how incompetent I am, on a day to day basis? How under-qualified I feel daily, let alone to even begin tackling this...? Nit-pick everything about my daughter and wonder what is Avery and what is...whatever is going on with her? Or...am I wrong and they are one and the same?

Confused, yet? I am.

Stupid, stupid envelope.

I think I'll wait. Today is not the day to open that thing. Today is a day where we went to the park and played on the swings. Today is a day where we made brownies. Today is a day where we rode bikes in lazy circles. Today is a day that we laid on the grass and found cloud shapes. Today is a day that I have Mom's chicken pot pie cooking in the oven, for dinner.

Today is not a day for me to deal with that envelope.

4 comments:

shyfexy said...

Hugs!!!!

Jamie Richmond -James said...

Hugs to you!!! Deal with it when you are ready- but let it be a reminder that you are a wonderful mom, fighting for your child- willing to do difficult things because it is what is best for her. <3

Andrea said...

You take your time with that envelope. But do NOT think that any of this in ANY way reflects that you are an incompentent mother. Nothing could be further from the truth...I hope deep down you know that.

xoxo

Whitney said...

Everything will be fine. I agree with Andrea... this does not make you a bad or incompetent mom. Some things are out of your control and you will find out soon enough how to help Avery in the specific way she needs help. You will do great.