Friday, July 1, 2011

Dancing On The Edge

Every day is beginning to be a struggle for me. I can't imagine waiting two more months to begin Avery's therapy.

Want brutal honesty?

I cringe every morning when she wakes up. I never know what mood she is going to be in that day and more often than not lately, it sucks. It really makes for long days and by the end of it, I'm beat. It's wearing on me and I'm having a harder and harder time holding myself together.

When she is in a good mood, it's great! She has the funniest sense of humor and is the sweetest kid. When she is melting down, there is no reasoning with her and I find myself at a loss. I just don't know what to do.

I can't wait for school to start. She needs that constant stimulation and schedule to follow. I just can't offer that at home and still take care of four other kids and work my full time job. If I wasn't strapped to a computer for hours at a time and could devote all my time to having the same schedule day after day, then maybe things would be different. But...they aren't.

Waiting two more months just to be evaluated and tested... and then who knows how much longer before we start getting some coping skills, seems like cruel and unusual punishment. I know that I waited this long to reach out for help and I should be able to deal a little bit longer, but I waited until my breaking point. I'm now dancing precariously on the edge of my sanity levels.


Erin said...

Will they call if they have a cancellation? Or, call them, frequently, to see if they have anything sooner.
Just a thought...

Hillary Mondragon said...

I never would have thought that parenthood could render so many emotions out of a parent until I became one myself! Days are sometimes like a losing end of a boxing match. Your up against the ropes waiting for the next punch, and somehow you can keep taking blow after blow. Because your a mommy...and you have dinner to make and a bum to wipe. It's apparent that failure is not an option to you, and thats something to be proud of. Hang in there!