Sunday, April 3, 2011

Today...I Remember

Today, I take some quiet time to remember a little soul, who was taken from my life too early.


Carter,

We tried for over a year to conceive you and were overjoyed the day we discovered that you existed. You were the answer to our prayers! I loved you from the moment that the doctor confirmed that we had been successful in conceiving our fifth, precious blessing.

You will always be my miracle.

The day we found out that you might not make it...was the day that I felt my heart break into a billion, tiny, sharp pieces. There is a permanent memory loop that plays in my head, of that day. The hardness of the ultrasound table. The look on the tech's face, as she quickly turned the screen. The sound of her voice cracking, as she told me that she was going to talk to the Doctor. The way the next week passed in a hazy blur, as we waited and cried and prayed for them to be wrong.

Three years ago today, I walked into the hospital knowing that your soul was gone, but still carrying you inside me, for the last time. Three years ago today, I cried uncontrollably as they  put me to sleep, hugging my belly. Three years ago today, I woke up from that surgery, with tears still rolling down my cheeks, knowing that they had taken you from me.

I will never forget you, my Little One. I know that you are in the arms of an amazing Angel Grandma, who is keeping you safe, until I can hold you close to my broken heart. I love you, Carter.

Love, Mommy

2 comments:

Whitney said...

What a lucky sweet angel to have a mommy like you. I know your reunion will be absolutely wonderful.

Lacey Sue said...

Aspen and Braden have started asking me "Why" Heavenly Father took our little one back to heaven. I really wish I could answer that question. My heart aches for the little baby I didn't get to hold or love or cuddle. But I find solace in knowing she is waiting for us on the other side, and that she sent C to watch over me on earth, since she couldn't stay. *sigh*