Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I'm Not THAT Old! (Yet)

Dear Children of Mine,

I'm not sure how senile you think I'm becoming, at my ripe old age of 29, but I promise...I'm running at full mental capacity.

You can stop leaving the trail of fruit loops from the living room, to the kitchen. I can find my way, from room to room, without the help. This constant game of Hansel and Gretel is getting old. I'm not sure how much longer the vacuum...or our dog...or the bottom of my bare feet...can handle it.

"Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!" Sweethearts...my hearing is not failing me. If I don't respond to you, it's probably because... I'm ignoring you on purpose. Perhaps, it's because I'm currently engaged in a conversation with the Kirby man (who ALSO doesn't know how to listen...but that was another post). Perhaps, it's because I've already told you 2,453,076 times today that you cannot ride in my laundry baskets, down the stairs. Perhaps, it's because I do not want to settle yet another argument over who ate the last orange.

I do not constantly need my memory checked. MY memory is fine. When I put something away (and you little people actually leave it alone!), I know where it is. I do not want to participate in your constant games of, "Where's my coat?", "Where are my shoes?" or "Where did my backpack go?". Darlings...I give you a place, even labeled with your name, to put these things. If you do not put them away and then cannot remember where you put them...this is not my issue. I don't use your items and as such...I don't know where they are.

In addition, I'm pretty sure that I'm not exhibiting any signs of dementia. Repeating things over and over to me, accomplishes nothing more than irritating me. "Mom, I need an empty water bottle for school on Friday." ...  "Yes, I know."... "But, Mom...I need a bottle by Friday." ... "I'm aware of that. You'll have it." ... "Oh. Because I need a water bottle for school on Friday." ... "I GET IT!! IT IS MONDAY! YOU WILL HAVE YOUR BOTTLE BY FRIDAY!!!" ... "Oh. Well, okay. Because Mrs. Whoever said I have to have it on Friday." ... *sigh*

I love you, my sweet, sweet, dear children. I hope you remember all this torment that you're putting me through, when I decide to retaliate...by pretending to be this senile... when your prom date shows up. ;)

Love, Mommy

2 comments:

Whitney said...

I love this!! You're an awesome writer!

Brent Worth said...

lol Love it. I have to admit though I do the same type of things even now at 29 to my mom who lives back in SC just so she doesn't go "soft" on me... Couldn't let her think that she's free and clear...