You have been on my mind so much lately. I think about you every day anyway, but there is just so much that I want to tell you and it's tearing me up inside, that I can't. Your birthday is only a week away and it breaks my heart that you won't be here to celebrate it with us. We should be going out to lunch and having pedicures...instead, I'll be bringing flowers to a snow covered headstone.
I wish you could see how happy Josh and I are now, Mom. When you left, we were still going through our hard times and I hate that those were your last memories of us. We have worked out our problems and are now the strongest that we have ever been. "Happy" doesn't even begin to describe us. The past has been forgiven and forgotten and we have truly moved on. I'm so thankful, every day, that you raised such an amazing man.
The kids still cry because they miss you. I never tell them not to cry...how can I, when I still cry, too? There is so much that they are missing out on, with you gone and Bay and Roo are really feeling the void. They are always talking about the sleep-overs they had and making cookies with you. I try to fill your shoes, as best as I can, but let's be honest...there's no one like Grandma.
I wonder if I will ever stop reaching for the phone to call you. Or stop thinking, "I need to tell Mom...". Life has been changing so much lately and there is so much I'd love to talk to you about. You always knew how to listen and when to offer advice, or just offer a hug. I miss your hugs. I miss your sense of humor and your laugh. I miss the way you always made me feel at home and never made me feel like a burden or not worth your time.
I love you, Mom. Give Jared a hug for us. We miss him like crazy, too. Hold Carter for me and smother him in kisses. He's been on my mind a lot lately. I wish I knew the reason why people I love, had to leave.