Tuesday, August 31, 2010

English 2010

Tonight was my first English 2010 class.

I love to write. (Obviously...you are reading my blog right now...)

But I had no idea what I was in for.

I'm not going to be writing so much, as arguing. Yup...arguing. Now, while my husband would immediately give me an A+ and walk away, I don't think that I'm going to get out that easy.

Right away, the professor made me think. He went around the class and had us all tell what we are passionate about and what we are currently reading. I have kids in my class who are artists, who are into historical art, who are well versed on autism or immigration.

How do I say, "I'm passionate about my kids getting their homework done, keeping up on the laundry and the last book I read was "Brainy Baby Animals", with my 21 month old."...? I. Felt. So. Stupid.

I think I know who I am and what interests me...till I get called out on it.

Then I realize that I am a wife and mother. That is who I am. I won't be ashamed of it. I won't apologize for it.

But...who else am I? Who am I as an individual? Who am I, as an adult woman? What makes me tick? What infuriates me? What am I passionate about, that doesn't involve someone else? What do I do, that is just for me and not the benefit of another person?

I'm excited to explore these questions in this class. My professor isn't content with "simple" answers. He wants us to learn to delve deeper and ask more and more questions. I'm looking forward to discovering the answers that I come up with...answers to the questions that I don't even know yet.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Everything I Never Knew I Wanted

A refrigerator covered in drawings and school papers.
Rain. It means my children will giggle. And dance in it.
A quiet night at home, snuggled up with a movie.
Waking up to one (or two, or three...) kids curled up in bed with me.
Making huts under the kitchen table.
Reading stories and taking the time to point out all the colors. Over and over and over.
Finger-painting with chocolate pudding.
Singing the Itsy Bitsy Spider. And The Wheels On The Bus. Over and over and over.
Planting new flowers in the flower bed with the kids.
A kid(s) hanging on my pant leg.
Someone sneaking out of bed at night, just to come give me an extra hug.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

How In The World?

How in the world has it almost been three years since I was bald? I can't believe it! I know time flies...but, it's crazy to realize that it's been that long ago.

I still love telling the story of that night. I love telling them how many people loved Mom so much, that they would do this for her. I love telling them how the girls that did it, held their heads high and were never embarrassed. I love telling stories about Mom.

I have never once regretted shaving my head with her. Not even when I realized how absolutely COLD it made me. ;) However, I won't lie...I'm happy that I'm no longer stared at, or pointed at.

I love when my children recognize a woman wearing a head scarf, when we're out. I love having the chance to say, "That woman is a fighter. She is amazing, just like Grandma." I love when they hear me telling my children this...and give me an appreciative smile.

Three years later...I wish Mom was here to see my new haircut and color... and tell me how cute it is. <3 

Friday, August 20, 2010

MY Fairy Tale

Once upon a time...girl met boy. She was unsure of her place in this world...and he was painfully shy.

One day, the boy got up the nerve to ask out the girl and they went on The. Worst. Date. Ever. The girl swore she would never go on a date with the boy again...but, then he asked her out...again. The girl felt bad and couldn't bring herself to say no, so off they went. To a haunted house, no less.

Since then, the boy and girl have been through a lot.

They fell in love...against all odds...and nine years ago, today...they married.

Since then, they've dealt with moving many times over, difficult pregnancies and babies that wouldn't sleep. They've dealt with the death of loved ones, lonely nights and poor choices. They've dealt with working too many hours, tears over painful fights and surgeries gone wrong. They've dealt with an angel that never made it to earth and an angel that miraculously stayed. They've dealt with cars breaking down, the house being flooded and mess making toddlers. They've dealt with watching a child's life be saved over and over, while they stood there...helplessly crying and praying. They've dealt with people trying to push them apart and people saying that they'll never make it. They've dealt with hospitalized kids, a billion dirty diapers and broken bones. They've dealt with jobs being lost and jobs changing. They've dealt with pets dying, rainy days that ruined plans and more month than money. They've dealt with each other's crappy moods, attitudes from their kids and car accidents. They've dealt with only having each other to lean on... and times when they seemed miles apart.

They've dealt with it all. Together.

Since then, they've cherished sticky kisses, the smell of newborn babies and watching their mothers hold their children. They've cherished stolen kisses, dancing to music no one else can hear and holding hands. They've cherished five perfectly wonderful children and one waiting for them, in Heaven. They've cherished making it on their own, proving how strong they were and drawings hanging on the refrigerator. They've cherished every "I love you", every "I miss you" and every "I forgive you". They've cherished Sunday mornings with the entire family snuggled in one bed and pizza/root beer floats/movie evenings. They've cherished their children's first steps, their first days of school and the first time they said, "I wuv eww". They've cherished buying their first home...and their second...and their third. They've cherished their date nights, no matter how few and far between and playing for endless hours at the park, with the kids. They've cherished all that they are, all that they have and all that they will become.

They've cherished it all. Together.

For nine years, they have dealt with life...and cherished it. They've been shown how short life can be and how quickly it can be taken away.

This girl, loves that boy.

Happy Anniversary, Josh. I am nothing, without you.

Hey...I love you. ;)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

If It's Worth Doing...

...anything and everything will go wrong, making it as difficult as possible...it's worth doing right.

Getting fall semester set up, has proved to be the world's biggest challenge. I know that it's because it is my last semester before I graduate. It's like something is trying to prevent all this hard work from paying off.

My university requires you to take a computer class as part of your generals. If you feel that the class is unnecessary, you can take six different exams, to test out of it. Since I am constantly running on empty time, I put off taking those tests until this summer.

I've now taken them and passed 5 of the 6. (You have to score a minimum of 70%, my lowest has been 81.2% and my highest is 100%...can I get a *high five*?) For some reason, they just have not corrected the 6th test.

The problem is, I have to have this test corrected and passed and posted...in order to enroll in my English 2010 class. These stupid tests are a pre-req for the class and I had no idea that this was the case, until I tried to register.

Now...the additional problem is that the department that governs these tests, is CLOSED the next two weeks, until classes resume. See my dilemma?

As if that wasn't bad enough, I am trying to get into an online English class, so that I don't have to worry about someone watching the kids while I'm in class. These classes fill up super fast, so I have no time to waste, getting registered. This English class is a requirement for my diploma, so I absolutely have to take this class, this semester.

Oh, it'll work out. I have no fear of that. It's just the process of getting to that point is slooooow and BuMpY.

However, that's okay. I just keep telling myself that all the struggles I've had and all the hurdles I've come across and all the tears I've cried because I'm exhausted and all the nights I barely slept...will make receiving my diploma that much sweeter.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

But, I Can

I can't have a perfect day, every day. But, I can pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on.

I can't give 110% to every area of my life, all the time. But, I can give it my best.

I can't be the "World's Perfect Mother". But, I can be my children's perfect mother.

I can't always have a smile on my face. But, I can realize that crying doesn't make me weak...it makes me human.

I can't do it all alone. But, I can slowly figure out...that I don't have to.

I can't rely on everyone. But, I can appreciate the people that I can rely on.

I can't always have a spotless house and dinner on the table by 5. But, I can forgive myself and realize that my children and husband don't care.

Every time I think, "I can't...", I need to tell myself, "...but, I can...".

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Presley's Eighth Letter To Grandma

Dear Grandma,

It's been a while since I've written. I've been so busy learning new things, that the time has gotten away from me. You would be shocked with all of the things I can say now. I'm very polite and almost always say "please" and "thank-you". I can also tell Mommy and Daddy what I want, most of the time. They are very proud of me.

The other kids miss you a lot, Grandma. Mommy caught Avery crying the other night, saying "I miss Grandma!". It broke her heart, cause there was nothing she could do or say, to make it better.

The other kids missed your annual birthday outings with them, this year. They loved going out to lunch and then shopping with you. I told them that they were lucky that they even got to go once. I missed you at my first birthday. :(

Mommy has had a hard couple weeks, since her surgery. She remembers how you would always bring her favorite dinner to her, when she was sick. Great Grandma was so nice and brought her a lemon meringue pie. It made Mommy remember how you made her one every year, on her birthday.

Mommy and Daddy talk about all the things you are missing out on and how much they miss you, a lot. They know that you would be so proud of my sisters and brother and how much you would love me. I look a lot like Daddy, when he was little...though to be honest, I think I'm cuter. ;)

I love you, Grandma. Thank you for the many rainbows you have sent lately. We all run to the window and press our faces up against it, to see them. I know that you can hear us all yelling, "Hi, Grandma and Jared!". Thank you for the reminder that you are always there...watching over us.