Thursday, July 29, 2010
But, overall...life is good.
I have some amazing people in my life, who have shown me such support through this nightmare. Thank you for the dinners and the visits.
I have a husband who has more than stepped up to the plate and totally taken the reigns at home. He has been amazing and hasn't complained, once.
I have five beautiful kids, who make me laugh. Every. Single. Day. They are so bright and so caring. I am one lucky Mommy.
I have my schedule set up for fall and despite taking four classes, to finish up my degree, it will be one of my easier semesters (I hope!). At the end of it all, I will finally have something to show for all the work and sacrificing. It's not the end of the climb, but it's a beautiful plateau.
I worked out some personal issues and finally feel at peace with things. Nothing feels better than that.
Both Josh's job and mine, have been so wonderful with us. We are both happy with where we are career wise (for now) and that is an amazing feeling. I feel secure, financially, something we haven't felt since Josh's layoff, last October.
My new philosophy on life: "Get rid of the negative people in your life - surround yourself with positive people who believe in you and inspire you."
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
You ready? This is gonna get kinda long. And detailed. Don't proceed, if you can't handle it.
I woke up from surgery a little over three hours after they took me back. I must have looked silly, because I immediately started groping my stomach, trying to see if I could feel any incisions, or if they were able to go with the original plan of no outside incisions. Whew! I couldn't feel anything.
But, as I realized that my surgery took an hour longer than it should have and I saw the stressed face of my doctor approaching me...I knew something was up. I have never seen my doctor look stressed. Not when my water broke at 29 weeks with Ryleigh, not when he was delivering Presley at 33 weeks. Never.
He proceeded to tell me that I had massive scar tissue and it created a challenging surgery. My uterus had grown to my c-section scar (causing it to tip at a strange angle, which caused the complications during the ablation attempt) and my bladder. He said that it was incredibly complicated removing my uterus, basically having to "peel" it from all the scarring and other organs. To add to it, I was bleeding quite a bit.
I laid there, processing it all and waking up a bit more. About 30 minutes later, he came back and I asked him to tell me everything again, now that I was more awake. He repeated everything he told me before, including that he told Josh that this was the most complicated hysterectomy that he has ever done and that there is a 50/50 chance that I will be returning to the OR for internal bleeding.
They injected morphine into my spinal canal, so I wasn't in any pain. That first day, I was able to visit with Josh and laugh with my nurse as she emptied the bag connected to my catheter. My urine contained so much blood that it looked like I was peeing cranberry juice!
By the middle of the next day, the morphine had worn off and I was in pain. I was taking Percocets orally and an anti inflammatory intravenously. When that wasn't enough, my doctor ordered Morphine. My nurse was concerned with the dosage (12 mg) and we decided that injecting 6 mg, waiting thirty minutes and then injecting the other 6 mg, was the best course of action. I also had a healthy dose of Fenergan on board, with each dose, to combat the guaranteed nausea. I had two really great nurses, while I was there.
After evaluating me that day, my doctor decided that I needed to be watched one more day, in the hospital. I asked him if the pain that I was feeling was normal and he stated that for a typical hysterectomy, no. However, with the trauma that I had endured, he fully expected me to me in severe pain and have my recovery take longer than expected.
That night, my friend Nikki stayed at the hospital with me, so that Josh could get all the kids home, from other friend's houses. It's such a blessing that she was there, because my night was about to get crazy.
The nurse I had that night was incompetent and arrogant. She barely talked to me when she was in the room and seemed very irritated by anything I needed. Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I hate to ask for things in hospitals. I will wait, in pain, for hours, until the nurse comes to check on me, rather than ring the bell and bother them. So, it wasn't that I was constantly asking for things. I'm not sure why she was acting so aggravated.
When I asked her for my morphine and explained how we had been administering it all day, she didn't want to give it to me. I was in near tears, as I told her how much pain I was in. She finally agreed to give me the medication (the medication that my doctor prescribed me) and injected the first 6 mg. When I say injected, I mean injected. She shot it into my IV so fast, that it burned the hell out of my arm. To add to it, she didn't have the Fenergan already hanging. She promptly left the room, as I sat there rubbing my burned arm, and the nausea quickly set in. Then, I proceeded to vomit, for the next 5 minutes.
Nikki summoned her to the room and advised her that I needed Fenergan, immediately. She was incredibly irritated and advised us that she would have to call down to the pharmacy for some and we'd have to wait while they mixed it. Then...she left the room again.
She returned about 10 minutes later and told us that it was going to take too long for the pharmacy to mix it, so she proceeded to inject the other 6 mg of morphine (burning my arm, yet again) and then some Zofran. Then...she left the room again.
Now, this part I don't remember, but Nikki told me about it later. Apparently my monitors went nuts. The nurse never returned. My heart rate dropped into the 40's and my oxygen sats dropped to the low 60's. The nurse never returned. Nikki slapped the oxygen on me and spent the next 20 minutes shaking me awake. The nurse never returned.
My doctor returned in the morning and I told him about the nurse that tried to kill me. He was still concerned with my pain and nausea and told me that we'd watch me through the day. A couple hours later, the charge nurse decided that I was well enough to go home and I was left calling Josh, telling him to come pick me up.
It's now been 8 days since my surgery and I am still exhausted. (I actually had to type this over 3 days. All I want to do is sleep.) I am still in quite a bit of pain and as of this morning...out of pain medication. I have been waiting since yesterday for my doctor's nurse to return my phone calls.
Seriously, what is it with nurses not wanting to do their jobs? I cannot wait to finish school and become a nurse. If a person doesn't want to deal with the public, the sick public, then why go into this field?
Being sick is hard enough. Having to deal with incompetent people, who don't care, just makes it so much worse. I hate to ask for help. I hate even more when I ask...and I'm made to feel like an annoyance that can be dealt with later.
**Update** Doc just called. Woo hoo! More medication waiting for me at the pharmacy! :)
Monday, July 19, 2010
If someone would have told me, that one day I would be the mother of five kids, I would have called them crazy.
If someone would have told me, the night that I went into labor with Bailey, that exactly nine years from that day, I would be having a hysterectomy, I wouldn't have believed them.
Nine years ago today, I was in labor with my first baby. I was scared and I didn't know what to expect. Much like the feelings that I'm having today.
I know that my family is complete and we hadn't planned on any more children anyway...but, to know that it is 100% final, is an overwhelming feeling. To know that the organ that held my growing babies is going to be gone, is kind of emotional. To know that a piece of me, a piece that was very important, is going to be removed, is strange.
From the time that I was much younger, I always said that I wanted all my children before I turned 30 years old. I don't know why that was my cut-off...it just always was. Now, I'm beginning to realize that there was a reason why I had that feeling. If I would have waited, it's possible that I wouldn't have had a chance to have these beautiful children, that I have.
I can't believe how quickly your life can change. To look back on all of the amazing, scary, sad, embarrassing, heart breaking, wonderful, angering, personal, special, crazy things that have happened in the last decade, is sobering. Life changes. It doesn't wait for you to be ready...it just does. I'm so thankful that everything has worked out the way that it has and today doesn't have to be harder than it is.
Well, we're off to the hospital. See y'all in a couple days. I'm going to try to convince my doc, one more time, that I deserve to have a tummy tuck, thrown in. ;)
Friday, July 16, 2010
Kirby Guy: *holding large box* "Can I come in and push this around for a minute?"
Me: *wishing he were just some random guy asking to clean my house and not trying to sell me something* "Not today."
Kirby Guy: "It will only take a minute."
Me: *so many funny jokes running through my head right now, but realizing that he's probably barely over 18, I keep them to myself* "Sorry, not today."
Kirby Guy: "Would another day be better?"
Me: *thinking, sure...the next day I have where I've had a chance to shower, my house is clean, my work is caught up and my kids aren't screaming on the front porch, running between my legs and crying in my arms...I'll give you a call* "Umm, yeah, another day."
Kirby Guy: "So, tomorrow?"
Me: *high five for persistence!* "No, not tomorrow, I'm busy."
Kirby Guy: "How about Monday?"
Me: *really considering shocking him, by replying that I'm busy on Monday, having my personal parts cut open...decide against it* "No, I really have a lot going on."
Kirby Guy: "So maybe in a couple months?"
Me: "Sure, maybe then."
Kirby Guy: "You really don't like Kirby, do you?"
Me: *I'd like it more if you weren't annoying the crap out of me right now. I'd like it more if I could just buy it in a store without the hassle. I'd like it more if you weren't on my porch right now.* "I actually really like Kirby, but as you can see *my kids have now begun to circle me and scream* I'm quite busy."
Kirby Guy: "But, the paperwork only takes a few minutes."
Me: "Nope. Again, I have a lot going on and don't have time." *begins shutting door*
Kirby Guy: *walks away...pretty sure I hear him mumble, "B***h"*
Me: *fights the urge to yell, "You should try being married to me!"*
We traveled to Provo and stayed the night in the same hotel, so that the kids could enjoy an evening of swimming and relaxing, before we woke them up at 5:00 am, to get ready. Christy has two adorable kids and all the children got along really well. It was a lot of fun and we plan to make it a part of our 4th of July traditions!
Christy, Ella, Presley and I (poor Peanut was tired!)
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The kids had fun dipping them, but not nearly as much fun as they had eating them!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Thank you, from the very bottom of my heart. I am approaching next week, with a little bit more calmness, because of you. I am forever indebted to you.
Summer time makes me crazy. We constantly seem to be on the move and busy. But...I love it. I can't believe that it is half over and we will eventually have to return to normal life. The thought of it, stresses me out.
So, for now, I'm just going to enjoy the warmth, the giggles, the fun and the time. The time for watching my kids play and learn and grow. The time for making memories. The time...that is passing too quickly.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I was working and all of a sudden I look up and my son is walking toward me, in a skirt. He stops in front of me and in a very girly, high-pitched voice, he says, "Hi, I'm Serena!"
His sisters burst into a fit of giggles behind him. I couldn't help, but join them.
Forgive me, Luke. One day, you are going to hate me for posting these. But, until then...thanks for the laughs.
Monday, July 12, 2010
We didn't go far...just an hour and a half away, but we didn't care. One thing that we love to do, is visit decorated model homes, or do the Parade of Homes. We haven't done the Parade of Homes, in years, because bringing kids through other people's million dollar houses just doesn't seem like a good idea. ;)
This was an AMAZING home that we saw. I can't even describe the crazy things that were in this home. It was gigantic and impressive...but it didn't feel like a home. It felt like an art exhibit.
What a perfect master shower! Huge, a bench and with water on both sides! No one gets cold! ;)
I love you, Josh. Thank you, for a great few days. It was wonderful falling in love, all over again.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Ry's birthday was in June. We had a wonderful time, celebrating this beautiful girl. We had a birthday party with our family and friends and we surprised her by having a sno-cone machine there. The kids ate 2, 3...7 sno-cones a piece and it was so cute to see how excited they all were.
Ryleigh and Konner's birthdays are only a couple months apart. Konner's mom and I have pictures of them when they were babies, laying on the floor next to each other. It's amazing how much these two have grown!
Once again, happy birthday, my beautiful girl!