Monday, June 28, 2010

*Silent Screaming*

I want to scream. I can't really scream (Pres is finally asleep), but I want to.

Summer is kicking my butt.

The kids are needing sunblock and drinks and snacks and dry towels...a million times a day. We've dealt with ear infections, vomiting, fevering, coughing, runny noses and runny JUNE.

I'm working insane hours.

We have a plan set in place to be debt free (except the mortgage), in one year. It's doable. But, it also means that I'm working like crazy and Josh is working like crazy. I know it will be worth it, but right now we are both ex-haus-ted.

My house is a mess and needs work.

Painting needs to be done. Walls need repairing. Carpets need to be ripped out cleaned. Again. There is clutter...I despise clutter.


I feel like my mind has clutter. (Like you couldn't tell, from this mish-mash of a post...) I don't know how to get rid of it. I need to clean my mind and life from clutter. Clutter is a space filler and I just don't have the time or energy to deal with it...yet it zaps my time and energy.

I need change.

I don't know what yet...or maybe I do, but I don't want to admit it yet...but I need some change in my life.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Funny Things I Find

I live in a house, where the average age is about 11.5 years old. Needless to say, I find some strange things, all over my house. You know...the things that make you stop and think, "Why in the hell is that here?".

So, today, while I cleaned, I kept a list of the odd things I found, placed throughout my home. Enjoy!

-On top of the entertainment center: the reflector light that has been missing from an interior light, for the mini-van

THAT'S where that is! We've been looking for that!

-Main floor bathroom sink: half eaten strawberry

Really? The garbage was two feet away!

-In the fridge: a pen

So that the grocery list is even easier to make?

-In the freezer: a toy car, bag of water (now ice) with a raspberry in mid-float, an empty plate

Huh. Wonder what the boy's plans were with this stuff?

-Decorative buckets in the family room: golf tees, moisturizer, dice and dental floss

Something about this one screams, "JOSH!"

-In the baby toys: a tire gauge

I have no ideas about this one.

-In my bathroom: 2 bowls, craft paint, TV remote (for the TV that is two floors down), 2 markers and pathophysiology book

Apparently my bathroom is a "catch-all"?

- Under my bed: 3 missing shoes (none of them mine or Josh's), a sponge, 2 water bottles, 4 legos, 4 pencils, 6 pens, various broken crayons, a baby (doll...not Presley) and a couch pillow

Seriously? The kids aren't even supposed to be in my room...yet it looks like under my bed is their nesting place...

-Front room: 5 kid's earrings, a bowl of mini-marshmallows, 2 pieces of window moulding leftover from Bay's room and 2 Scrabble pieces

Scrabble...the game that is upstairs, in my locked office...I tell ya, my kids are Houdini!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

What Can Go Wrong...

...will go wrong.

Monday morning I checked into the hospital for a routine in/out surgery. Due to issues I've been having, I was having an endometrial ablation done, in an attempt to fix them.

Well, the very first, uncommon risk listed, for this surgery, is "Accidental puncture (perforation) of the uterus. " Wouldn't ya happened to me.

I was having panic attacks all day, on Sunday. Everyone laughed at me and told me I had nothing to worry about. I didn't know what my issue was...I've had plenty of surgeries before and I knew what to expect.

Monday morning, Josh dropped me off at the hospital and my friend Nikki met me there. We couldn't find anyone that could watch the kids, so Nikki was going to be with me and then drive me home. We had fun convincing the nurses that we were sisters, (one nurse even said, "I can see the similarities!") and laughing at the pants they gave me, that could have fit both of us, at the same time.

After a couple hours, they took me back and the last thing I remember is the anesthesiologist asking me if I was feeling the medication yet. I woke up, hearing the nurse say my name and feeling myself be extubated. Ouch! My poor throat got scratched!

They brought me back to recovery and Nikki hung out with me, while I apparently kept repeating myself, over and over. :) She asked me if the doctor talked to me yet and I told her no. Something triggered in my drugged mind that something was wrong, but I let it go. I had noticed that my 45 minute surgery ended up taking close to 2 hours, but I wasn't awake enough to ask why, yet.

About an hour later, Nikki decided I was awake enough to tell me. First, she told me that she's already notified Josh and he was on his way in. Then, she told me that my doctor came out after my surgery and pulled her into a conference room. He explained that my uterus is tipped forward and was unexpectedly rigid. When they inserted the NovaSure instrument, instead of following the natural curve of the inside of my uterus, it perforated the posterior side. They had to abort the procedure, because the risk of damaging my other organs was too great. They watched me for the next few hours, to be sure that there was no internal bleeding.

When my doctor came in, he explained it in greater detail and explained my options. We needed to allow my body to heal for a couple weeks, but then we had two choices. We could attempt the ablation again, but this time after taking some medication the night before, to help soften my cervix. However, he warned that because of the angle of my uterus and the fact that it had been perforated before, the chance of it happening again, was high. The other option was a hysterectomy. He would be leaving my ovaries, negating my need for hormone replacement therapy, but this would for sure solve my issues that drove me to the surgery, in the first place.

So, after discussing it with Josh and doing a little research, it looks like I'll be planning a hysterectomy. I still have a lot of questions for my doctor and I'm incredibly nervous and scared, but I think the benefits outweigh the costs.

I've come to the conclusion that my life can't ever be smooth sailing and without stress. But...I just have to be thankful that this is happening after we had already decided that our family is complete. I'm thankful that I was able to carry and deliver five beautiful, perfect children. I can't ask for more, than that.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I Have Days...But, I Made A Choice

I know that I joke around on my blog a lot, about how crazy my kids make me. I won't lie...they really do drive me to the brink of insanity, now and then.

I have days when I wonder how I got here. I have days when I miss only being responsible for myself. I have days when I miss the quiet. I have days when I miss showering alone. I have days when I miss being able to go out, without first finding a babysitter, making sure dinner is figured out for them...and then cancelling because someone got sick. I have days when I miss putting something down and it would stay there. I have days when I miss going to bed when I want and getting up when I want. I have days when I miss having a conversation with Josh, without being interrupted nine times.

But...I can't do these things.

I made a choice, the second that I found out that I was pregnant, to become a mother. I made a choice to put that little baby, first.

No. Matter. What.

I made a choice that I would give up the lifestyle that I had, and live solely for this tiny person, that I created. I made a choice, that I would love my child(ren) unconditionally. I made a choice to live selflessly and do whatever I had to do, to provide for and raise my baby(ies) to be wonderful, caring, selfless, educated, kind people.

That's what being a "mother", means to me. Making a choice to forever put someone else, before myself.

Even on the days that they drive me to the brink of insanity.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Mommy's On Strike

Dear Employers,

I am officially giving you notification that as of today, at 0900 hours, I will be on strike. After careful contemplation, it has been determined that my workplace is a hostile environment and I can stand for it no longer.

Several things must happen, in order for my return to work, to take place:

1. I cannot handle an unorganized environment. Chaos is not something that I signed up for. I'm requesting more help in controlling the disarray and destruction.

2. The hostile and unruly environment, is an unhealthy and unsafe place for me to be in. My mental well-being cannot handle the bickering, arguing, whining, complaining, back talk and yelling. I'm requesting that softer tones and patience, be used more often.

3. I do not have issue with the amount of my pay, but rather the frequency. I knew when I accepted this job, that sticky kisses, "thank-yous" and dirty hugs would be my compensation, however the bickering, arguing, whining, complaining, back talk and yelling, has become more common, than my payment. I'm requesting more structured payment arrangements.

4. Vacation time and sick time. I have heard that there is such a thing out there, but since I have decided that these are a myth, I am not requesting a change to my contract.

5. Between the hours of 2200 and 0600, I will be available, but it will be limited. I cannot be expected to handle major catastrophes 24/7 and would like these hours to be disaster free. I'm requesting that your spontaneous vomiting, raging fevers and diaper blow-outs, be scheduled outside of these crucial hours. I am, however, available during these hours for cuddles and "monster-under-the- bed" hunting brigades.

Until these items are agreed upon by all parties, I am I kidding? I'll keep performing my duties, to the best of my abilities. We all know that no one else could do as good of a job, as I do, under these conditions.


Friday, June 4, 2010

Praying For Moms Everywhere

Today. Is. The. Last. Day. Of. School.

Did you say a little prayer for me? I surely hope so, because for the next 79 days, I will have five children home. All. Day. Long.

Last summer, I tried a "daily schedule". It went over well, for about three days. :)

We have a lot of fun things planned for this summer. Swimming lessons. Camping trips. Possibly a trip to Texas. We also have family passes to Thanksgiving Point (Ancient Life Museum, Farm Country, Children's Discovery Garden) and the zoo. We can go as many times as we want and we'll be using them a ton!

I also have a lot of things planned for myself. Hiding in the closet. Laying down on the van floor, so they can't find me. Slipping Benedryl into strawberry smoothies. Art projects involving duct tape and rope...

Okay, okay, I'm kidding. What fun things does your family have planned to keep busy (and sane!) this summer?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Happy Birthday Ryleigh Roo!

Eleven years ago, today, I was graduating high school. The world was my oyster. ;) Who knew that exactly four years later, I would be giving birth to my second daughter?

I don't know where the years have gone, but look at my life, it's obvious that they went to something amazing!

Ryleigh Roo is such an amazing, little seven year old. She is the kindest and most nurturing person, I know. She is thoughtful beyond her years and and so incredibly smart. Ry never struggles with anything. She fascinates me, with her ability to grasp new concepts. She's always been ahead of her peers and it makes me so proud.

We always say that one day, (please let it be a good 18 years from now!), this little girl is going to become the most fantastic mother. She is so helpful and always willing to entertain her younger siblings. She could do anything in this world, and I can't wait to see who she becomes.

Happy 7th birthday, my sweet girl. Mommy and Daddy love you, more than we could ever explain!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

"I Hope You Have A Child Just Like You!"

I think every child hears some version of it, growing up. "I hope you have a child just like you, one day!" or "Your child will be just like you...doubled!"

All I have to say to that is..."Thanks, Mom!"

I got a child like Bay. She is so incredibly sweet and is always thinking of others. She loves to make treats to bring to the elderly neighbors that live on our street and she's the first one shoveling their drive-ways, in the winter.

She loves to read and draw. She is always writing poems, letters or songs. I adore reading the stuff that she writes and she shocks me with how insightful she is.

I got a child like Ry. She is so smart and never seems to struggle with anything. She understands new material so quickly and will happily help others around her.

She loves to make people laugh and she is incredibly nurturing. She is going to make an absolutely wonderful mother, one day.

I got a child like Avers. She is so comical and witty. She is beautifully stubborn and will forever stand her ground. She is sarcastic and constantly keeps me on my toes.

I love that she challenges me. This tells me that she will never be someone who gets pushed around or who will "follow the crowd." She is her own person and won't let anyone tell her any differently.

I got a child like Lukey. He is so tender and loving. He can be all boy, rough and tumble...and then climb up on my lap and cuddle, during a story.

He loves to tell jokes and stories...stories that he swears are true. ;) He loves to tease and it's rare to find him without a smile on his face.

I got a child like Peanut. She can make you smile, even when you are in a horrible mood. She loves to give hugs and tease you with kisses. I can already tell that she is going to be quite the comedian.

Her little vocabulary is growing by the day and I just sit in amazement at the things that come out of her mouth. She is intelligence and tenderness, wrapped up into a tiny body.

So, again, thanks, Mom. I got five little people who took some of my very best qualities...and magnified them. They are everything that I could have hoped for...and more. They are the best parts of me, rolled up in cuter packages. They are wonderfully, amazingly, stunningly, perfectly...mine.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Twins of Terror

The school year has ended for my little twins of terror. Somehow, their teacher survived an entire year of them being in school, together.

I was so nervous at the beginning of the school year. I warned Mrs. Becky for an entire year, prior to this one, that it was going to be hard, having both of them together. She shrugged it off and told me not to worry. But...I did. All. Year. Long.

Surprisingly, there were few incidences and both kids got along just fine. They have grown and changed so much, over this past year. It's hard to believe that next year Avery will be off to kindergarten and Luke will finish his last year in preschool. I don't know where the time has gone!

It's amazing to me...and makes me incredibly sad, to realize that my little "twins" can change so much in just one school year. This picture is from their first day of school, in September '09:
And then this picture is from their last day of school in May '10:

They are still the best of friends and regardless of different schools, or years passing by...I don't see that ever changing.