I am officially giving you notification that as of today, at 0900 hours, I will be on strike. After careful contemplation, it has been determined that my workplace is a hostile environment and I can stand for it no longer.
Several things must happen, in order for my return to work, to take place:
1. I cannot handle an unorganized environment. Chaos is not something that I signed up for. I'm requesting more help in controlling the disarray and destruction.
2. The hostile and unruly environment, is an unhealthy and unsafe place for me to be in. My mental well-being cannot handle the bickering, arguing, whining, complaining, back talk and yelling. I'm requesting that softer tones and patience, be used more often.
3. I do not have issue with the amount of my pay, but rather the frequency. I knew when I accepted this job, that sticky kisses, "thank-yous" and dirty hugs would be my compensation, however the bickering, arguing, whining, complaining, back talk and yelling, has become more common, than my payment. I'm requesting more structured payment arrangements.
4. Vacation time and sick time. I have heard that there is such a thing out there, but since I have decided that these are a myth, I am not requesting a change to my contract.
5. Between the hours of 2200 and 0600, I will be available, but it will be limited. I cannot be expected to handle major catastrophes 24/7 and would like these hours to be disaster free. I'm requesting that your spontaneous vomiting, raging fevers and diaper blow-outs, be scheduled outside of these crucial hours. I am, however, available during these hours for cuddles and "monster-under-the- bed" hunting brigades.
Until these items are agreed upon by all parties, I will...eh...who am I kidding? I'll keep performing my duties, to the best of my abilities. We all know that no one else could do as good of a job, as I do, under these conditions.