Dear "Employers" (Bay, Roo, Avers, Lukey and Peanut),
I am not feeling well. I'd like to take this time to petition you for sick leave. I'm aware that I'm irreplaceable and no one can do the job quite like I can, but I feel that my current health status is affecting my ability to perform my duties.
In case you haven't noticed, the dishes are flowing out of the sink and across the counter top. Please feel free, in my absence, to load the dishwasher. At this point I am not picky and I will not stand over you and make sure you do it correctly. Toss them in there and as long as the door shuts...you're good.
My eyes might be closed, but I still know that you are sneaking marshmallows out of the cupboard. Be aware that they have been moved and you will never find them. I might need a little "me" time, but I'm never fully off the clock.
Your chores still need to be done, even if I can't chase you down and make you do them. Please do them willingly. Perhaps if you do, you can earn back the allowance you lost earlier this week, for mouthing off.
I will be needing an afternoon nap. This does not mean that you are now free to destroy the house, spill grape juice on the floor, hog tie the dog with a bungee cord, ride down the stairs in my laundry baskets, play swimming pool with your Barbies in the toilet, add food coloring to a gallon of milk, swing from my drapes, hot glue popsicle sticks to the kitchen counter, draw on yourselves with permanent marker, spill rice krispies on the floor to hear the crunch, cover my living room floor in 3,932 paper airplanes or stick marshmallows up my nose...or down my shirt. (How DID you find them?!?)
If I am allowed this one day of sick leave, I promise to be a more valuable employee in the years to come. If I am not allowed this time, I will have to resort to using cotton balls and duct tape. Cotton balls for my ears and duct tape for my bedroom door...since you long ago figured out how to unlock it.
Please respond in a timely manner. I know you'll be trying to wake me up at 5:30 AM anyway.