Tuesday, February 9, 2010

P.S. I Love You

Dear Little People,

I am here to love you. I am not here to do everything for you. If I don't teach you how to do things for yourself, you'll grow up to be lazy, selfish and incompetent. So, I'm going to give you a little crash course reminder, on how things are done around here.

When Mommy tells you to clean your room, I mean: Clean. Your. Room. I do not mean shove things under your bed and call every item of clothing on your floor "dirty". Do not bring me a pair of Hawaiian shorts to be washed...you and I both know that it hasn't been above 30 degrees and you haven't worn them in five months. If they fell got thrown off the pile on your shelf, kindly refold it and put it away. Do not try and convince me that you wore them last Tuesday. I was born at night...but it wasn't last night.

If it's your job to take out the garbage, do not think that because it's not falling on the floor yet, that it doesn't need to be done. Shoving as many things as you can into the bag, does nothing more than cause the bag to rip, when you pull it out. I'm not easily persuaded and I will not allow you to try to convince me that you don't need to pick up the mess on the floor (that you just made) because, "Sweeping isn't my job...". Uh huh...clean it up!

Lifting the toilet lid does not constitute giving the dog water.

Making your bed, doesn't mean balling up your blanket and shoving your pillow in the corner. I don't let your Dad get away with doing it like that...I'm not going to let you, either.

If you are told to clean the bathroom...I mean with soap. Yup. No lie. Please use a different Lysol wipe for the counter, than the one you used on the toilet. Also, please refrain from spraying Windex on my toothbrush. That wasn't funny. My teeth are already have a streak free shine.

The vacuum does not like Barbie shoes. Or play-doh. Or shoelaces. Or 8 x 11 pieces of paper. Or your sweater. Or water. Or entire bowls of fruit loops...with milk. Or mud. The dog does not like the vacuum, either.

The kitchen does not have blind spots. When you sweep, but fail to do the corners...I can see that. I can see the half eaten chicken nugget, two pennies and 1/4 cup of dirt...do not try to convince me that it is an illusion.

Lastly, emptying the dishwasher. Sigh. Please put the dishes where they go. While having a scavenger hunt can be fun...I don't want to do it every time I need the measuring spoons or the egg separator. Thank you for adding a little fun to my life, but you do enough of that by leaving me containers of bugs all around the house, during the summer.

Love,
Mom

8 comments:

Luke and Tina said...

Reading this post just made my day. Thanks!!

suebug said...

The smile on my face is HUGE...I have been the child that did those things, and is now experiencing the SAME frustrations with my own lazy, um, precious little ones ;)

Coby said...

What's truely hilarious is that EVERYTHING you said is exactly the same in my house to. The clothes, the blind spot, the garbage over flow. Seriously I think common sense is something that we must all get as a secret Christmas gift one year, but it's just not cool enough to remember getting. All I know is who ever gives it doesn't do so before 10...we're still waiting!!!

Stacy said...

LOVE IT!

common mom said...

I LOVE it! I think you and I share a life . . .

Bonnie said...

Soooo funny!!! You always make me smile! You're such a great mom!

Andrea said...

Ha! I loved reading that. You have such a way with words...

mickey said...

ditto, now could you put it so smoothly to my kids too?