It has been a whirlwind of a weekend. I have so many pictures I want to share, but that person that lives in my house named "It Wasn't Me!" took off with my camera cord and after ripping my house apart (TWICE!), I still can't find it.
Soooo....on to a more serious subject.
I debated even blogging about this, but since this is a blog of my life and the people in it, I figured it was within my "right". Besides...it's going to become common knowledge soon, anyway.
Things have been really hard the last couple months. Having mom gone has really opened a void in my life, as well as my children's. We have a lot of good days, where mentions of Mom are with happiness. The kids remember the good times and fun memories that we shared with her. The bad days are what hurt the most. Bailey and/or Ryleigh will come to me at such random times and be crying. When I ask them what's wrong, they mumble, "I miss Grandma." These are the kinds of times that break my heart. I only have a hug to offer...no words to make it better.
Our lives have recently been turned upside down, when Dad announced that he is getting married in a couple weeks. We just learned that he was beginning to venture out and date, so this came as a HUGE surprise.
If I remove myself from the situation, I am extremely happy for him. They seem very excited and loving toward each other. His fiance is a very nice woman who will probably, one day, fit in quite well, when the shock wears off.
However, I can't remove myself from the situation, entirely. I miss Mom. I miss her in ways that I cannot even describe. Our family hasn't yet figured out how to adapt to life without her...and now we have to adapt to additions to the family. Dad isn't just gaining a new wife, but four new children (six, if you count the in-laws) and two more grandchildren.
I love Dad and I trust that he is doing the right thing for him...I just think that the rest of us haven't caught up to his level of acceptance yet. We don't want to "fill" the empty hole, yet. Everyone says that, "...men can't handle being along long..." or "...he had a long time to prepare for Mom's passing...". I know all this. I get it. However, if he is allowed to feel how he wants to feel...then so are we. We need our time to get over the shock and move toward acceptance.
However long that road to acceptance may be.