Friday, May 29, 2009

Life Goes On...Ready Or Not

I can't believe how fast the time seems to be going. Yet, at the same time, it seems like I am moving in slow motion. I can't believe that it's already been almost a week since we buried Mom...but I also can't believe it's only been a week.
The funeral went really well and of course, the chapel was filled to the brim. Everyone's talks went great and I think we all honored Mom, the best that we could. She wouldn't have liked all the crying, but she would have loved the laughter we had, when we talked about her.
It still hasn't hit me like I thought it would. I thought I would cry uncontrollably and not be able to function. For some reason, my mind seems to be protecting me and I continually feel calm about the situation. On one hand, I know that I need to process it and actually begin the grieving process, yet on the other, I am still loving my denial bubble and can't wait for Mom to get home from her trip. :)
Presley ate green beans for the first time this week...I got a glimpse of reality then, that Mom was gone, as I went to call her and tell her all about it. I'm going to miss our conversations about absolutely nothing and how she ended every phone conversation with "thanks"...even if YOU were calling HER for a favor.
I had a dream a couple nights after she died, that my baby had died and when we closed the casket, I saw Mom holding the baby in her arms. She has hugging her and had her safe. It really bothered me, because for several days, I just assumed it was Presley in the dream. After talking it over with Brittney, I realized that I didn't really know for sure...I had just assumed it was her, since it was a baby girl. Now, I like to think that the dream meant that Mom was holding our little Angel Baby and taking care of her, until I can. I know that Mom is loving Heaven, surrounded by our Angel Baby and all of her grandchildren that are yet to be. Every single one of those babies is going to be born with a great big smile...having had time in Grandma's arms.


Crysm said...

I think you are right. She is holding your Angel Baby. I think that was mom's way of letting you know.

Andrea said...

That's actually the first thing I thought about when you said you saw her holding your baby. I immediately knew it was your Angel Baby and not Presley. What a sweet picture to have with you.

Brittney said...

I expect a disk of those pictures, all of the ones you took at the funeral.

Rachel said...

After reading your title, it reminded me of a line in a song..."Life may go on without her, but not the life we know".
I believe God gives us a certain strength we didn't know we had, to get us through times like these.

I, too, thought the same thing when I read about your dream. It's your baby that you have yet to meet. What a wonderful comfort that must be, to know your angel baby is in the best hands. ♥

Rachel said...

I just went back and watched the video/pictures. I don't think anyone could watch that without tears. I'm sure that wasn't easy to put together, but it turned out beautifully!

Jen said...

That slide show was beautiful. My heart is full and thank you for reminding me to hold my loves ones dear always! Love to you and your family!

Pam said...

I too believe she is in heaven holding your Angel Baby and watching over her family. I know I haven't been around commenting much- but know that I think about and pray for you/your family each day!

Robbie and Mindy said...

Beautiful video and pictures. I'm thinking of you always.

Candygirlflies said...

Perfect. Just perfect. What a wonderful "send-off".

And yes, I am absolutely certain that she is cradling your angel baby for you. Goodness, what a Grandma she is!

Love to you and yours, my friend.

xoxo CGF