This is how it is. It may not be how I like it...but it's how it is.
~If you get a random day to sleep in...no school, no soccer, no reading group...the kids will always wake up an hour early.
~If you finally got flowers to grow and your yard is looking pretty nice, for once...your son will pick all the flower petals off the tulips. Not to give them to you, either...just to be a booger.
~If you are having an adult conversation in the mini-van...no matter how quiet you are and how loud the radio is...the 7 year old will always hear you.
~If it's midnight and you have a want...no, a need... for some chocolate milk...the kids will have finished it.
~If you've just cleaned out the mini-van...someone will puke in it.
~If you decide to actually get dressed, instead of just rocking the pajama pants you've worn for 3 days...the baby will puke down your back and poop on your lap.
~Likewise...if you've just changed the sheets on your bed...someone will climb into your bed in the middle of the night and pee in it.
~If you haven't showered all day and your hair resembles Medusa...your neighbor will pick that day to visit...and your naked son will answer the door...thus ruining your plan to pretend you aren't home.
~If it's something you love...someone will break it.
~If it's something that shouldn't have been said...one of the kids will repeat it to Grandma.
~If it's something that shouldn't have been seen...one of the kids will give an exact description to their teacher.
~If you tell a "little white lie"...one of the kids will be quick to point out your indiscretion. Loudly.
~If you are feeling pretty good about yourself...one of the kids will be quick to remind you that you still have "a big bum."
~If you just cleaned the floors...someone will track in something. And it will usually stain, too.
~If one of the children has a doctor's check up...they will usually find some way to injure themselves directly before the appointment. There is nothing I love better, than explaining 3 bruises and bump on their head..."Yes, doctor, I know she looks like I beat her...".
~If you ever tell your child, "Stop that, before I beat you!"...they will choose to tell the doctor this, while you're explaining the 3 bruises and the bump on their head...
~If you are exhausted...to the point where you can barely see straight...and all of the children are sleeping...you will still stay up...long enough to blog.