It's in the dead of the night, that I have time to reflect on my life.
Surrounding me are math books, notes and a calculator. I've got to be one crazy woman to be tackling this, along with raising five beautiful children. However, in my mind, I see the day that I am wearing a cap and gown. Each of my children are hugging me and telling me that they are proud of me. (I just really hope that in the reality of this situation, Presley isn't old enough to drive!)
In the bedrooms of my home, are my children. I hear little snores and sighs. Once in a while I hear Avery yelling...even in her sleep, that child is arguing with someone.
I wonder how I got to this point? How am I the mother of five children? My children are growing up before my very eyes. "Yesterday", I brought Bailey home from the hospital. Today, she is starting to ask questions that I'm not sure I'm ready to answer. "Yesterday", Bailey became a big sister. Today, that little sister's knowledge and aptitude amazes me. "Yesterday", Avery was fighting for her life. Today, she is no longer weak and frail, but a very strong, stubborn and determined little girl. "Yesterday", I discovered I was having my very first son! Today, I already see that baby boy changing into a little man. "Yesterday", I thought I would never again hold a baby of my own, in my arms. Today...right this very minute...she is laying on my lap, sleeping.
At work, is my husband. He is a wonderful father and provider. I'm thankful that he works so hard, so that I can stay home with our children.
Asleep (I hope!), in her own home, is a woman that loves me like a daughter. My relationship with her has changed drastically through the years. I don't doubt that this woman loves my children as much as I do. I also know that I can count on her for anything and everything. But now, she is fighting her own battles and has to learn to count on us. She has to trust us to take care of her, when she's so used to being the nurturer.
Across the country, are my grandparents. I miss them more than I can begin to describe. It hurts me every day that they can't be a daily part of my children's lives. My children would be so lucky to have their influence surrounding them.
I have friends all over this world. Some are old friends, some just feel like old friends. Some are down the street, while some are in a different country. Some I know from face to face contact, but some I know from online. My friends have a variety of pasts, family structures and beliefs, but I love knowing that this only opens me up to new ideas. I love knowing that in this variety, I will always have someone that will understand.
I may not have everything I want...yet...but I'm working on it. All I can do is approach every day and give it my best. There are things I want for my children, but I have to stop and enjoy the little moments now. Those little moments become memories and those memories become a lifetime. There are so many things that I want for myself, but I have to understand that I am a work in progress. It's not enough that I focus on reaching my destination...I have to enjoy the ride.