Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
A pen - it's very close to being the length of her from head to bum
This one speaks for itself :)
Good news! Sunday seems to be Homecoming Day! As long as she keeps behaving and doing as well as she has been, that's the day. I can't wait. This back and forth thing is killing me. I'm getting worn down, splitting my time between two places that I really want to be. I can't wait to have her home, with her family, where she belongs.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
One cute little peanut looking around. She rarely has her eyes open, so I always try to catch a picture before she closes them.
As you can tell from the glowing blue light, they are cooking my jaundiced turkey. She is just barely jaundiced enough, but they figured that they might as well have her on the lights. Her bilirubin levels have been slowly increasing since birth and they warned me that once my milk came in, it would likely increase more. She looks all warm and cuddly...think she'll let her Momma use her tanning bed? :)
She had a great night, last night. They moved her from a warmer bed to to the open crib you see here. She has weaned completely off her IV, because she has kept her glucose levels up. They are going to try to wean her off the air flow today. She lost a little bit more weight since yesterday, so they decided to start fortifying the bottles of breast milk she takes at night, when I'm not here.
My tiny little peanut is so cute! I can't hold her as much today, because of the lights, so I just sit and stare at her. She is so perfectly tiny. Look at those long fingers, though...she won't be tiny for long!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I have never been in so much pain, as I was tonight, when I walked out the doors of the hospital without my baby.
I know she is where she needs to be, but it's hard when I also know that where she needs to be is with her Mommy.
As of now, the plan will be for me to spend my days at the hospital and come home at night to sleep. I'm torn between wanting to be home with the kids and wanting to be with Pres. Hopefully, I won't live this divided lifestyle for long.
I called to check on her tonight and she is doing great! They have been weaning her off her IV over the last couple days. Every time she has a good glucose reading, they bump it down. One more good reading and she will be off her IV by morning. They are also going to see if she can maintain her own temperature and move her to an open crib by morning. She is still on a nasal cannula. She isn't on oxygen, it's just a small amount of room air coming out, helping to keep her sacs open. They tried to take her off today and she lasted about an hour, but then had some trouble. But, all in good time. She'll be off that soon enough.
I can't wait to bring her home. She is so beautiful and so sweet. She loves to cuddle with me and already searches around the room, when she hears my voice. I am so lucky to be her Mom.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The pediatrician is so impressed with her, that he said that if she can get her apnea episodes under control, it's possible she could go home in a week! He said that is completely unusual, since the earliest a 33 weeker goes home is typically at 36 weeks, once they get feeding under control. Since she already has acquired that skill, she is really only facing the apnea issue.
Oh, it would be absolutely wonderful to have her home that soon!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
We cannot believe our baby girl is here! She is a complete diva and has taken control of this pregnancy and now birth, in true princess style!
On Wednesday afternoon, I began to bleed heavily with clotting. I contacted Dr. Stowers and he told me to immediately head in to labor & delivery. When I arrived at the hospital, I was found to be dilated to a 4. It was decided that trying to stop the labor was pointless, since I was so far along. Within a few hours, I had progressed to a 5.
Once I hit a 5, everything stalled out. At this point, it was decided that an attempt to stop the contractions would possibly buy her some more time. After several doses of Terbutaline and Nifedipine through out Wednesday night and Thursday, I still ended up dilated to a 6 by Thursday evening. Thursday evening, the contractions stopped again and I was able to get a little sleep.
Friday morning arrived and I was feeling pretty good. I was having no contractions and it appeared that it was going to be a mellow day. Josh contemplated going home for a few hours, to be with the kids, but ended up climbing in my hospital bed with me and we took an hour nap. About 10:30 am, my nurse knocked and I woke up...not 2 seconds later I felt a slight pop and a gush of fluid. For a moment I thought, "How am I going to tell Josh and the nurse that I just pee'd all over us?" A second later I smartened up and looking at my nurse slightly panicked, I said, "I think my water just broke!" One look under the covers confirmed that! I had quite a puddle of fluid and Josh's leg was quite wet!
I was immediately moved back to L&D and found that Presley was -1 station and I was dilated to a 6+. We started calling everyone that had said that they wanted to be there and everyone quickly started arriving. Amey, Rachel and Mickey all arrived at the same time and we sure had a blast laughing with my nurse, Auri. After an hour or so, I sat on the birthing ball, while Mickey gave me a fabulous back massage.
I really wasn't feeling any contractions and Presley was moving so much, that it was hard to keep a tracing on her heartbeat. So, a few hours later it was decided that an inner uterine contraction monitor and fetal scalp electrode would be placed.
My nurse was not certified to place those yet, so another nurse was called. When she arrived, she began the process of trying to insert the IUC monitor. I about shot off the bed! She had to reach in (past her freaking wrist and half way up her arm!) to find my cervix. She said that the baby was no longer head down; she had moved into transverse position. My nurse couldn't understand this, because she had recently checked me. So, she checked me again to see what the other nurse was feeling and was shocked to find that Presley had moved waaaay far up. A quick ultrasound confirmed that her head was now to my left and her bum to my right. Because I had already lost so much amniotic fluid, she was stuck and wasn't moving.
Dr. Stowers was called and it was decided that the best course of action would be a c-section. Because my water had been broken for several hours, he didn't want to chance the risk of infection, waiting to see if she would move. We already knew that we would be dealing with Preemie issues...we didn't want to deal with infection issues also.
Within 30 min, I was prepped and they began the surgery. Because it turned into surgery, only Josh and Mom were able to be in there with me. Amey, Rachel, Micky and Brittney all waited outside for the news.
Shortly before the surgery started, I could feel a panic attack coming on and I spent the entire surgery trying to breathe deeply and calm myself down. All of a sudden, Presley made her way into the world, screaming at the top of her lungs! I kept hearing everyone say how big she was for a 33 weeker! After a quick peek over the sheet, so I could see her, they passed her through a window to the special care nursery. My anxiety quickly resolved itself, once I knew that she was doing okay. Josh went over to the nursery with her and quickly relayed the numbers...5 lbs 2 oz and 17.5 inches long! She was so much bigger than we had anticipated!
Dr. Stowers confirmed with me that I wanted my tubes tied and began that procedure. It seemed to be taking an awfully long time and that's when Dr. Stowers told me that I was having a bit of a bleeding issue. He said that everything he touched started bleeding and they were trying to get it under control. Finally, it was resolved and I was moved back into my labor room to recover for an hour. They are watching my blood count today, to make sure the bleeding issue is completely resolved, but as of now, everything looks great!
I finally got to go back and see her after an hour and she was doing fabulous! I was even able to nurse her for 15 minutes, something that I didn't think I would be able to do.
Presley is one special baby girl! She knew how she wanted things done, that's for sure! I can't wait to bring her home and incorporate her into our typical chaos!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
One of the downfalls of parenthood, that no one tells you, is that sometimes these lessons come back to bite you in the behind.
For instance, when you teach your toddler to throw away their diaper. All you think is how helpful it is and they feel good that they have helped. What you don't realize is that they have now discovered the joy of the garbage can and you will be missing shoes and car keys.
Or, when they are a little older...for sake of argument, let's say three...and named Avery...and they see you cleaning. They realize that it makes you happy to have things clean. So, they try to help in any way they can. They "wash" the walls. They pick up papers. THEY DUMP A CUP OF WATER ON YOUR LAPTOP TO HELP CLEAN IT.
No, I'm not kidding. How I wish I were. After taking the laptop apart in 100 pieces AND 364 miniature screws AND pouring out the excess water AND drying it with a hair dryer AND ordering and installing a new keyboard....it is the cleanest damn thing in the house.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Josh's family took all the kids to Tremonton today for the turkey show. Josh is at work and I am home alone. I don't think I've said anything out loud yet this morning. Wow.
I was up having contractions until 6 this morning. I'm telling ya...this girl is getting a spanking when she comes out.
I really want some Italian food. Roasted garlic sounds fabulous right now.
I should be folding some laundry, while I sit here on my butt. Eh...there's still a ton to wash. I'll wait till Josh gets home to help me.
I'm really behind on my art homework. With the drama around here the last few weeks, I haven't caught up. Luckily, the prof is incredibly laid back and doesn't care.
Presley is very good at anatomy. She's already figured out where Mommy's cervix is and enjoys poking it, just to feel me jump. I swear she sits in there and giggles when I do. Poke! Giggle. Poke! Giggle. POKE! Giggle.
Bailey is becoming hormonal. She actually said, "I hate you guys!" the other day. Wow. However, after that she felt really bad and cleaned the entire basement without being asked. She even did a really good job. Oh joy....a preview of years to come.
I can't wait for Thanksgiving! I plan on eating a ton! I can't wait to eat hash the next morning, or have thick turkey sandwiches for lunch...and pumpkin pie at midnight....oh, so yummy!
My house is quiet. I can't clean. My work is caught up. I don't have enough guilt built up to do my homework....I just may go take a nap.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Your Momma is sitting here crying. Your time to be born is coming closer every second and it's overwhelming me. Whether you choose to be born soon, or wait more time...your birth is still coming at an amazing speed.
I can't wait to hold you close to me. I can't wait to see your gigantic, questioning eyes staring at me, waiting for an explanation. I can't wait to breathe in your newborn scent, because there is nothing else like it in the world. I can't wait to hear your tiny little cry and know that I have the power to comfort you. I can't wait to trace your tiny little ears with my fingers. I can't wait to rub your teensy nose across mine.
I can't wait to stretch your tiny little fingers out, so that I can marvel at your perfect little fingernails. I can't wait to wrap my hands around your little belly and be amazed at how small and perfect you are. I can't wait to kiss your little feet and giggle as you curl up your toes.
I can't wait to hold you skin to skin and watch you melt into me, at the familiar sound of my heartbeat. I can't wait to hear the tender noises that will escape from you, as you sleep.
I can't wait have you here with me, so that I can tell you what a miracle you are. I can't wait to whisper "I love you" in your ear and brush my lips across your cheek. I can't wait to see you...so that I can be reminded again, what love at first sight feels like.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
In case it has slipped your measly little attention spans over the last 32 weeks...Mommy is pregnant. No, this bump protruding from my abdomen is not a tumor, nor is it a direct result of your rapidly disappearing Halloween candy. (mostly)
When you drop things on the floor and "forget" to pick it up, I don't find that amusing. Nor do I find it amusing that you giggle when I bend over and can't get back up...trying to pick up your "forgotten" item.
The fact that it takes me longer to roll off the couch, than it does for you to run 1/2 a mile, is no excuse to misbehave. I know you've figured out that Mommy can yell a lot from her post on the couch, but not actually get up to do anything about it - but remember that I won't be pregnant forever. And I have a very good memory.
You telling Mommy that I am getting big...is no longer cute. I'm aware that I look like a beached whale (again, this is not a direct result of your rapidly disappearing Halloween candy), but I don't need you to point it out to me.
Lastly, you climbing into my bed in the middle of the night is no longer welcome. While I love cuddling up with you and holding you close, I do not enjoy the fact that you squirm like sea monkeys. Being kicked from the inside AND the outside, while I try to sleep is just not fun. That, and I worry about your safety...when I actually get up the momentum to roll over, I fear that I will smother you underneath my gigantic, tumor-looking, bump.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I went to high school with Andre; he and his beautiful wife, Bethany, just recently lost their son Gavin, just 14 days shy of his first birthday.
You know that I push organ donation on here, because of Noah. Gavin is another reason that I believe in it. Sadly, Gavin never received his gift of life.
Bethany recently wrote a new post on her blog called "Regrets". It is a long post, but I thoroughly encourage you all to take the time to read it. If you have ever told your child "in a minute" or "not right now" or "maybe tomorrow" or "Mommy's busy"...this post is for you. Be prepared...you will not walk away from this post without crying or having it haunt you. In this case...that is not a bad thing. Thank you, Bethany, for allowing me to share this.
I don't know how much time she'll hang out, but I'm thankful for every day. At this point, my goal isn't even 40 weeks. If we can make it to 35, then I'll feel more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I lost my mucous plug today (Sorry Case, I think you're the only man that reads my blog and I may have just made you gag. Actually...I'm hoping you don't even know what that that means...for your sake, don't go ask Jen.). I know that doesn't mean things are going to happen for sure, but it's just one more thing letting me know that she isn't planning on hanging out for long.
So, for now I'm holding down the couch again, with my knees together, while standing on my head - as some of you have suggested. We'll see if it helps! :)
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Well, every one's "feelings" were right - I'm back in the hospital. My contractions were off and on, but more frequent yesterday. By about 7:00 pm I called the doc and arranged to come in. When I got here, I was dilated to a 1+, so a teeny bit of change. I got a shot of Terbutaline and more Nifedipine, which helped to control the contractions.
They did the fetal fibronectin test again (it's the test to somewhat "predict" if I will go into labor in the next 2 weeks), it was negative during the last hospital stay, but positive last night. That still doesn't mean that I will for sure deliver soon, but because I'm so early, they are concerned.
By 6:00 am this morning, they checked me again and I was a 2 and now 50-60% effaced, but no longer contracting. So, they moved me upstairs to a more comfy bed (YAY!) and took me off monitors.
Then, about 9:00 am I started throwing up, so they put in an IV and gave me a shot of Zofran. That helped tremendously! My contractions have started up again, but are sporadic and I think are just caused from the vomiting.
We are back on the "watching and waiting" plan. It really does suck being up on the postpartum wing - the isolette for my baby was in my room screaming, "I'M EMPTY!!!" and I hear all the other little babies crying. I know she's where she needs to be right now, but it's still hard to want so badly to have her in my arms.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
I love being "Mom, look!" when they are showing me their new trick.
I love being "Mooooom..." when they've hurt themselves and need cuddling.
I love being "Hey Mom, you know what?" when they come up with another neat idea and just have to share it.
I love being "Mom?" when they want to talk about something important.
I do NOT love being "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. MOM. MOM. MOM. MOM. MOM." when I do not answer them in the .6 seconds they have allotted me.
It makes me want to hide in the closet, plug my ears, rock back and forth and babble to myself. Anyone want to join me? I have plenty of room in here.
However, this morning, Avery was feeling a bit chatty.
Avery: "Why does Luke have a sticking out pee-pee?"
Me: "Because he's a boy."
Avery: "Why is my pee-pee like this?"
Me: "Because you're a girl. Boys and girls have different pee-pee's."
Avery: "And you have big boobs!"
Me: (laughing) "One day, you will too."
Avery: "Why do you have big boobs?"
Me: "Well, they were little like yours
Avery: "Well...I have big teeth...and little feet."
Me: "Yes, you do. We should get out and dry off now." (still laughing)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Me: "Have you eaten dinner yet?"
Bailey: "No. Dad is still making the BFF's."
Me: (cracking up laughing) "You mean the BLT's?"
Bailey: "Oh, yeah. Whatever it's called."
Bailey: "When are we going to Grandma's?"
Me: "I don't know. Probably this weekend."
Bailey: "Tomorrow after school?"
Me: "I don't know. We'll have to see."
Bailey: "I want to earn some money. I could rake her leaves, or clean her living room."
Me: "Mmm-hmmm" (Barely paying attention, because she's been talking my ear off for 20 minutes now.)
Bailey: "Or I could clean Brittney's room. Or Uncle Cody's room."
Bailey: "Oh! Not Cody's room! I don't want to see his underwear!"
Me: LOL. Again. This child of mine....
Happy Birthday, Little One. Today was your due date. Today, I should have you in my arms, but that was not to be.
I think about you everyday. There's not a day that goes by that I don't remember you and remember the pain of losing you. That day was one of the hardest times of my life.
I am so thankful for your baby sister. When she moves and squirms, I am so thankful for a healthy baby. I cannot wait to meet her, hold her in my arms and hug her to my heart. How I wish she could whisper to me all that she knows and tell me why you couldn't be here with us.
I love you Little One. Thank you for the short time I had with you. It reminds me every day that life cannot be taken for granted.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I asked the doctor if I was fine to return to normal activities and was rewarded with a "Are you stupid?" look. He told me that with my history and taking into account how scary last week was, there is no way I can go back to normal life. So, he has put me on modified bedrest, meaning that I can only do what is absolutely necessary. Given that I have 4 small children, I see that as just about everything, but he was adamant that I do not overdue it. This will last four weeks and after that, when I've hit 35 weeks, if I'm still pregnant, I can do whatever I want. He feels comfortable delivering her at that point. If Presley doesn't behave and labor starts up again, it's back to immediate strict bedrest until 35 weeks.
So, after speaking with my math prof., it looks like I have to file for an Incomplete in the class and then I have up to a year to make it up. That really sucks, but I don't want to work something out and then find myself in the same predicament in a couple weeks. However, it will be nice not to have the added stress right now. I'll still finish my art class. That's all online and no point on giving that up.
So, here we are. I figure I can still do dishes and fold laundry, if Josh hauls the heavy baskets everywhere. Josh's mom has offered to take over driving Avery to and from school, since I shouldn't be doing that much driving. She's also offered to do dinner on the nights that Josh works, but I figure the kids won't die if they have cereal or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches once in a while.
Well, one thing I CAN do while sitting here is work...so I better stop putting it off and just get it done!
Monday, November 3, 2008
I told him that if these contractions didn't stop, that he might be getting a birthday present. Then, this happened:
Josh: "I know what would be the perfect birthday present." *wiggling his eyebrows at me*
Me: (thinking, "Ha Ha. I have a doctor's note. I'm excused from THAT!")
Bailey: "Would it be a pocket knife?"
Bailey: "Would it be a love kiss?"
Me and Josh: *belly laughing*
That girl seriously cracks me up. And we seriously need to start watching our conversations around her. LOL
Bailey's teacher said that she is a delight to have in class. She always listens, always does her work and always does her homework. She got top scores in every area and is ahead of grade level on her reading. Bailey has always been ahead on reading. That's never been an issue for her. She should be reading 60 words a minute and is up to 92. She really amazes me with spelling, though. She only misspelled 2 words all year, last year on her spelling tests and hasn't missed any so far this year. I don't know how she does it. We don't even study them anymore, because she just doesn't need the help. She has improved in math this year, but I still see that as her "weak area". It frustrates her sometimes, because she is so good at everything else and this is the only subject that she has to work on.
Ryleigh's teacher said that she wishes she had 26 Ryelighs. She said that she has wanted to talk to us about her reading, because she is more advanced than anything they are doing. So, she decided to up the reading books that she brings home. Thank goodness, because reading "I am Sam. Meet Mat. See Mit." was boring the hell out of my 5 year old. She also told Josh (and I was unaware of this before), that they have been pulling her out of class, to give her some time with a more challenging curriculum. This doesn't surprise me much - her preschool teacher advised us last year that she could easily test out of kindergarten and go right into 1st grade. Because she's really shy and already one of the youngest in her grade, we decided against it. However, I sometimes wonder if she could have handled it.
I'm so proud of them both. I'm so thankful that they aren't struggling in school. I hope this builds their confidence and pushes them to achieve great things. What a lucky Mom, I am.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I had grand plans this year for them to all dress as prisoners and I'd be the cop. Well, that went out the window. Apparently they have developed "opinions" and want to choose what they are. :) Oh well....I'll try again next year.
Bailey the doctor, Avery the witch, Luke the monkey, Ryleigh the ghost, Caleb the dragon (Josh's cousin), Landon the skunk (our nephew) and Trevor the little dragon (Josh's cousin).
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Holding down the couch so that it doesn't run away.
It's also boring. And tiring...for some strange reason.
Bedrest continues. Contractions are sporadic. My butt is numb. My pelvis is on fire. I'm sleeping like crap.
I'm still pregnant.
I've got to be the most useless....yet useful...person on the planet. I can't clean. I can't cook. I can't go to school. I can't do dishes. I can't drive.
I'm really important to one teeny, tiny, little 3 lb 9 oz girl.
And she's all that matters right now.
Keep growing, baby girl! Keep growing!