Wednesday, April 30, 2008

April Showers, Bring May Flowers...

...but what do freezing temperatures bring?

Dear Mother Nature,

What in the hell? Seriously? You tease me with weather in the 70's...only to blow in another cold front. Do you get the giggles out of this? Because...I'm. Not. Laughing.
I haven't had feeling in my fingers, for the last 7 hours. And my toes? I'm not even sure they are still there. I haven't dared look, for the fear that they are black with frostbite.
My closet is confused, too. Yesterday, I pulled out capri's and a t-shirt. Today? Jeans, sweatshirt and socks. I'm ready for a consistent tan line.
I'm ready for my nose to stop running because, it too, is confused about whether I should still have a cold, or not.
So, please, throw me a freaking bone. I want to feel the sunshine on my face. I want to feel the warm wind through my hair. And I want to feel my fingers.


Monday, April 28, 2008

Girl's Night Out

Saturday night brought... GIRL'S NIGHT OUT! There was pizza. There was fruit. There was so many yummy dips. But, more importantly, there was ONLY girls, NO kids, AND SCRAPPING MATERIAL AS FAR AS THE EYE COULD SEE!
We made these really cute tile boards. I couldn't cut my pictures down to just 7 or 8, so I ended up making 3 boards. Crazy me...I was exhausted at the end of the night. I used the pictures from our Oregon Coast trip last summer. I got so many good shots, that I wanted to use them all. I'm really happy with how it all turned out.
We decided that we needed to make this at least an every 6 weeks kinda thing. What was great, was that (I think) every girl there was a blogger. It was so nice to put faces to the names that I have seen.
I needed the night out...that's for sure!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

And then there were four...

Skylie has gone home to Mommy. It's strange having only four kids in the house again. No bottles to make. Only one diapered bum to change. No heavy carseat to lug around.
While I am sad to see her go, I am happy that she will be with her Mom. Like I told my sister, I love Skylie, but I don't want her back. If I end up with her, it means that Maegen has failed at what she has worked so hard for.
It seems like the time that we had her, went by so fast. I can't believe all the hell and drama is over and she is now where she belongs.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Soccer Season

Soccer has started! I love going to their games and cheering them on. Ryleigh is still doing fantastic. She scores at least one goal every game and is quite the team player. We have noticed that she is becoming more timid. The coach said that the girls will start doing that, as they get older. She is so fantastic...I hope she gets her confidence back soon.
Bailey has already scored 2 goals this season...something we are super proud of. She has a habit of kicking the ball...and then standing there watching it roll...instead of chasing it down and finishing up. I know she doesn't really like soccer...(shhh...she's kinda my lazy one), but I want my kids to be in something active.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

My Secret

This is looong. But, you asked for it!
So, due to the recent weight loss surge, I have received a lot of questions on how I did it. People want to know what I'm eating, what my work-outs are and how I fit it all in. I love all the people that sent me e-mails, truly wondering what my secret is. I am honored, yet don't feel worthy of your admiration.
However, because I love you all...I will share the secret with you.
Are you ready?
Do you want to get a pencil and paper?
Go ahead...I'll wait.
The secret is...
Eat with variety and moderation in mind and get yourself moving more often.
I know. Not what you were looking for, but the honest truth. But, I can dive into it a little more.
First of all, I cannot say enough about Weight Watchers. They make me accountable and have OPENED my eyes to the crap I was eating before. I'm amazed at what I assumed was harmless...only to find out that I was WAAAAY over-eating.
A fourth of a cup of peanut M&M's? 5 points. (Who can eat just 1/4 a cup?)
One packet of honey-mustard sauce at Wendy's? 4 points (Seriously? You have to count the calories from a dipping sauce?)
I may not have thought that I had horrible eating habits, but when you get down to it...I did. Weight Watchers made me become HONEST with myself about what I was really eating. When I should only be eating 29 points a day...and I'm consuming 60 points a can see why the problem occurred in the first place.
Secondly, it has FINALLY (after years and years of struggling with this) clicked, as to why I eat so much. I associate every emotion with food. When Josh and I had a fight and I got stressed out...I soothed it with french fries. When the kids have made me crazy all and ice-cream could fix it. When Josh is at work and I am lonely and bored...nachos were my friend.
I finally realized that I can control that. The food is not solving anything. It makes me feel worse, because I know that it's wrong and I've let myself down. I had lost all respect for myself. Nothing in this world, tastes as good as confidence and respect for yourself.
I will always be a recovering "emotional eater." Even just the other day, when I was stressed about finals, my first thought was, "I need a frosty from Wendy's." Seriously, I think I have voices in my head. The kind that medication won't take away. Thus began the internal struggle:
"A frosty would taste so good."
"You don't need a frosty. Do you know how many points that would be?"
"But it will relax you and make you feel better."
"You know you'll just feel like crap after you eat it."
"No one will know that you caved and ate it. Just get one."
It finally had to just ask myself, "Do you really want a frosty? Or are you just eating because you are stressed?" Once I was honest with myself, I knew that I didn't really want ice-cream. I wasn't feeding my stomach, because it was hungry. I was feeding my frustration, because I was burnt out on finals.
Having that control over my thoughts, has been a MAJOR break-through. When you lie to yourself about what you ate, or why you ate are only hurting yourself. No one else cares what you've done. You are just cheating yourself out of the body that you really want. For some reason, at least for me, being honest with myself and being accountable to myself, is so much harder than doing it for other people.
Thirdly, eat a variety of foods. This was pushed over and over again in my nutrition class. First, think about what you figure out a way to make it healthier. I'm not talking about going vegetarian and completely organic. (Hey, if you want to...have at it. It's just not something that I am going to do!) Do you like french fries? Make your own at home, by baking them. They are just as good! You like spaghetti? Choose a whole wheat pasta over the white. I promise you, your family will not be able to tell the difference. (Pause for a moment here. I choose wheat EVERYTHING. It is so much better for your body and has so much more fiber, than the traditional white stuff. Wheat is available for a lot of things now. Bread. Pasta. Tortillas. Rolls. You may have to play around with the brand you get, to find the one that tastes the way you think it should, but as long as it is 100% Whole Wheat or Whole Grain, you are making a really good change in your diet. Multi-grain is NOT the same thing. It just means that there are multiple kinds of doesn't mean that the good parts of the grains have been retained.)
Try different vegetables and fruits, that your family wouldn't normally try. Or try different kinds of foods that you do eat. You like apples? Try all the varieties, to get the maximum pay out in vitamins and minerals. Find different ways to prepare foods. Steaming is, of course, the best way to prepare vegetables. Surprisingly, the next best way is microwaving and lastly boiling.
One thing I was shocked to learn during my class, is how much sodium I was consuming. (Sodium = Water Retention = Weight Gain) I LOVE black beans in my salads, but I was appalled at how much sodium is in a can of black beans. With that said, do I now soak my own, instead of using canned? No. I don't have the time, nor the thought capacity to plan on when I want some black beans. But, I do choose frozen vegetables over canned, to lower my sodium that way.
Speaking of water...drink more of it. 6-8 cups a day is preferable. Crystal light is a good substitute if you can't choke down that much water. (I can't!) However, with that said, still try to have some plain water each day.
Lastly...exercise. The word we all love to hate. For me, it's something that I have to force myself to do. It's not that I don't love it, because I do, but I have to force myself to take the time out for me. An average person should be getting 30-45 minutes of cardio, most days of the week. That is a good place to start. Adding in weights is something that you can do later. You really should have some kind of resistance training (Lean Muscle = Faster Fat Burning), but if you aren't doing anything...begin working on the cardio. Another thing you must do, is change it up a bit. I walked 4 miles a day, several days a week, for about 8 months. It wasn't doing anything for me, other than giving me a chance to chat with a friend. Your body adjusts to your work-outs rather quickly. You need to be changing it up. Right now, I do the elliptical for 2-3 weeks and then switch to the treadmill for another 2-3 weeks, then back again. Change the speed, vary the length and switch up the incline. Anything to keep your body guessing as to what you will do next.
You have to decide how important you are...and fit your work-outs in. Do my kids suffer because I work out? No. Do I miss anything important, so that I can go to the gym? Absolutely not. But, is my house a little dirtier? Maybe. Do I clean out the van every week? Nope. Do the kids get top ramen and green beans for dinner, instead of meatloaf and mashed potatoes, once in a while? Yup. You have to find the time to squeeze it in.
There you have it. People get paid millions of dollars, to write 200 page books, to tell you the same thing. (And I gave it to you for FREE!) :)
When it comes down to it, you have to do two things.
1. Decide that you want to do it.
2. DO IT!
You don't tolerate procrastination and excuses from your kids, or from people you work with. Don't allow yourself to get away with it either.

**"The information presented in this post is for informational purposes only. It is based on my personal experiences. The results reported may not be the same for all individuals. Consult your doctor or practitioner, before following my advice. Because, I'm just a Mom. What do I know?**

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


I finally decided to go for it and put some highlights in my hair. I debated...with it being fresh, new "virgin" hair, if you will. But, it's summer time and I wanted to go lighter. Here's a before and a couple afters. This is what you look like, six months after shaving your head!

I finished Nutrition yesterday. I passed the final with an A- and finished the class with a solid A. I'm sooo happy! My first class as a "Mommy" and I proved to myself that I can do it. Next week is math finals, but I'm not worried about that at all. Spring Semester is almost over!

I weighed in today and lost another 2.6 lbs. Woo Hoo! I have now lost over 40 pounds! That is so shocking to me. I would have NEVER thought that I could do something like that. Without the encouragement and support of my friends and family...I never would have.

The Susan G. Komen 5K is coming up! Have you signed up yet?

Monday, April 21, 2008

This Kind Of Stuff...

...only happens to me.

Today, Luke took off his diaper.
Then he pooped on the kitchen floor.
Then he swept it up...and presented it to me in the dust pan.

"Here, Momma! Poop!"


So, in an effort to lighten up my mood and in celebration of my math class being over in two weeks...I leave you with a joke.

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.''
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day. "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Sunday, April 20, 2008

2008 - Susan G. Komen 5K

Everyone knows what we have been through this last year with Mom's cancer returning. Again, I want to thank everyone that in any way participated in the hair shaving party for her.
If you weren't able to participate by shaving your head (you chickens! LOL), here is another way: the Susan G. Komen 5K on Saturday, May 10th, at the Gateway in Salt Lake City.
Come Running! Come Walking! Come Crawling! We don't care how you get there...just get there! You don't want to miss out on all the fun! We had a great team last year, and so far, it looks like our numbers will double for this year.

If you want to register under our team "Running For Mom", CLICK HERE.

If you can't come out and join in the fun, but would like to donate to our team, CLICK HERE.

If anything, this last year has taught us how to be extremely grateful for every moment. You never know how many moments are left, for any of us, so it's best not to take anyone or any time for granted.
On behalf of Mom and the rest of the family...THANK YOU!!!
**Race For The Cure 2007**

Friday, April 18, 2008

Leeann And The Three Capri's

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was losing a bit of weight and found that it was time to start reworking her closet.
She grabbed a pair of size 20 capri's out of her closet, that barely, barely (okay, they didn't really) fit her last summer. They were too big!
Then, she drove to Old Navy and found a cute pair of black capri's. She grabbed a pair, size 18, and toddled off to the dressing room. When she pulled them up, she laughed out loud. They were too big!
So, she walked back out and grabbed a size 16, all the while grinning to herself. It had been a long time since she had gone back out for a smaller size. When she closed the dressing room door and tried on the size 16's, she found that...They were just right!
So, she bought them.
And changed in the van.
Because she loved the way they fit.
The End

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I'm Happy! I'm Ecstatic! Hell...I'm Giddy!

Do this for me:
-Put down your computer.
-Stand up.
-Jump up and down.
-Clap your hands.
Thank you for your time.

Manic Mommy

Dear Child-Whines-A-Lot,
You know that noise you make? That whining? I am tired of listening to it. Mommy is ready to rip her ears off her head. Seriously. And I don't even have hair long enough to cover that up. It won't be pretty.
When Mommy says that you cannot have another rice crispy treat, it is not a suggestion. It is my Final Answer. Do not whine. Or beg. Or ask over and over until my face goes red, my hands clinch into fists and screaming begins pouring from my mouth.
And the way you are laying on the couch right now, crying like you are going to die, is not attractive. I'm going to film this and show it to every boy that you bring home.
On second thought, you may never get married and MOVE OUT, if I do that.
Really. The world is not coming to an end because I am not letting you have another delicious, marshmellowy treat. Or because you can't find your shoes. Or because someone looked at you. Or because I want to listen to the radio, instead of watching Hannah Montana. Again. Or because someone colored in your notebook. Or because your toothbrush wasn't the right color.
So, perk up, would ya? Didn't anyone teach you the #1 rule of the house? "If MOMMA ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy." And listening to this crying...MOMMA AIN'T HAPPY.
Your Manic Mommy

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Life On The Edge Of Time

Anyone I went to school with, recognizes that title as the 98-99 high school yearbook title. Since we were the class of 99 (now you all know how old I am!), we were considered to be the class living on the edge of time.
For some reason, I thought of that today. I feel like right now, I am living Life On The Edge Of Time. So many things have happened, or are happening, that it's overwhelming.
We moved to our new home in the last year. I'm struggling with trying to fit in and missing our old area. I miss my old friends and how close (demographically) we all were. It was a smart move for our family; we are out of debt and no longer struggle from paycheck to paycheck. But, I miss the close family-like feeling of our old town.
I started school this year. I am loving it (although, ready for a few weeks break) and I love that I have this new outlet. I love that I am with other adults and we don't talk about our home lives. We are all (just about) spouses and parents, but we just don't talk about it. We talk about our other classes, what classes we are taking this summer and how much the homework sucked. I love to use my brain in a whole new way, that doesn't involve dirty diapers.
My baby is going to be 2 years old soon. This may not sound like such a feat, but I have NEVER had a 2 year old baby. I have always had another baby, by the time the one turned 2. It's strange for me, because although I know that I want another baby, I think that much longer without success and I am going to get too comfortable with my life. My kids are reaching a level of some-what independence and I really like it! It's obviously not in my hands, so I'll just have to see what happens. To quote a song my grandmother used to sing to me, "Que sera sera." (Whatever will be, will be.)
In this past year I have also transformed myself. Physically and mentally. Mentally I have tried to fix my attitude. I have a hair-trigger temper and I've tried to be very conscientious of what has come out of my mouth. I don't want my kids mimicking my my bad attitude. Physically, I finally started finding time to put myself first. Losing 32 lbs in the last 7 months had been surreal. I still have a ways to go, but I need to ignore that and focus on what I've already done. I have never lost this much weight, or kept it off. I have never worked out as hard and consistently as I am doing. It's hard to get used to this new body. I still see myself as 32 lbs ago. When I buy clothes, I'm nervous to try on smaller sizes, because they always made me cry before. I still have to work out my new body in my head.
It's crazy, looking back at how things used to be. It's crazy looking at how life is playing out right now. It's crazy thinking about where my life is headed. It's Life On The Edge Of Time.

Feeling Emo Today?

Has become my escape.
My release.
My time-out.
My way of hiding from the real world.
Hiding from feelings.
Hiding from thoughts.
That I don't dare give voice to,
for fear that they will come out
sharp as a knife
and slice me open
for the world to see.
My disillusion.
My own reality.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Hell Has Frozen Over

I ran two miles on Saturday. Yep, two whole miles without stopping. I was so freaking excited. The longest I have ever done before was one mile. Running and I have a love/hate relationship. I hate to do it, but I love it when I'm done.
I am so excited to go to the gym today and see what I can push myself to do. I really need to rework my music and get more music on there that gets me going. The best song I found to run to, during that run, was Powerman 5000 - When World's Collide. It has the perfect beat for the speed I was running. I haven't a clue what half the lyrics are, but some parts are "What is it really that motivates you?" and "Are you ready to go? Yes, I'm ready to go!" I don't have a Jillian or Bob there yelling at me, so I have to use my music to motivate me.
What songs motivate you?

Thursday, April 10, 2008

My Thoughts On Everything - 300th Post

Everyone came up with some tough questions! Here we go...

>What do you love most about hubby?
He is my best friend. I can tell him anything and he will listen. But the thing I love most? He is the most wonderful Dad. He has patient and understanding ways, that calm the insanity of our home. Our children are so lucky to have him as their father.

>What do you love most about each of your kids?
Bailey is so kind and thoughtful, but she also has my temperment. It can drive me crazy, but it's like watching myself grow up.
Ryleigh is a little mother. She is very tender and caring. I love watching her take care of her babies and get excited about everything Skylie does. She is going to make a great mother one day.
Avery is a fireball. You never know what is going to come out of that kid's mouth, or what she is going to do next. She can be incredibly frustrating, but when she climbs on your lap and cuddles in close, there is no way that you can't forgive all.
Luke is my Little Man. He made me the Mother of a Son and there is nothing like that feeling. I love his little voice and all his little quirks. I love when he walks up to me with a goldfish cracker in his grimy little hand and says, "Eat, Mama!"

>Where is your dream vacation?
Italy. While I cannot stand to read about history or art, I think it would be fabulous to see all that first hand.

>Do you like ketchup on scrambled eggs?
I don't mind it, but I prefer salsa.

>What do you like to do to relax/for fun (besides blogging)?
I love to read and scrapbook, but I'm so tired by the time I get time to relax...I usually spend it cuddled under a blanket with Josh, watching a movie...which I don't mind at all!

>For what in your life are you most grateful?
The love of the people in my life. The most important people in my life accept me for who I am. That is priceless.

>If you were at a dinner party and were offered a dish you had never tried, would you want to taste it even if it sounded strange and not appealing?
Depends. Are we talking about a dish that I've just never had before? Or Rocky Mountain Oysters? I have to draw the line somewhere! :)

>Whom do you admire most? In what way does this person inspire you?
My husband. He has been through so much in his life (some things were not his choice and others were of his own choosing) and overcame it to become the most wonderful father and husband.

>What would constitute a "perfect" evening for you?
We would have a wonderful dinner, all together as a family, in which no one yelled, or danced on the table, or threw food. After showers and family prayer, the kids would go to bed, without a fight. Josh and I would snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. If a back rub got thrown in for me...I'd be game! :)

>If you could change one thing about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I would have lived closer to my grandparents. We moved across the country when I was 11 and I miss them a lot. They missed out on many things in my life, that I wish they could have been apart of.

>What do you value most in a relationship?

>What things are too personal to discuss with others?
Depends on who the "others" is. I will discuss some things with some people, that I wouldn't discuss with others. If I don't feel that I am going to be judged, I will usually discuss anything. If I feel like I will be confronted in any way, I will close myself off. Only a few people truly know all of me.

>What do you like best about your life? Least?
Best: When you really break it down, I have everything I need. I may want for a lot of things, but I have what I need. We are very blessed. Least: Josh works night shifts half the time. I hate sleeping alone.

>Would you be willing to eat a bowl of live crickets for $50,000?
How big is the bowl? Anything over 5 crickets and I'm not playing.

>If you were guaranteed honest responses to any 3 questions, who would you question and what would you ask?
My "Father" Sperm Donor: "Why'd you run away?"
Josh: "Do you really mean it when you say that I am beautiful and my "Mommy Body" doesn't bother you?"
Mom: "Are you afraid to die?"

>If you were face to face with Sylvia Brown (the psychic), what would the one question you would ask her and why?
"Will all of my children be happy as adults?" It is incredibly important to me that I raise happy, well-rounded, adjusted, tolerant children. I don't care what they do (as long as it's legal), but I care that they are happy and proud of the choices they have made in life.

>What is your favorite childhood memory?
Eating lunch at my Meme's house and playing Trouble. She always made time for me.

>I wanna know what the soundtrack of your life would consist of.
"Life Ain't Always Beautiful" by Gary Allan
"Amazed" by LoneStar
"Let Them Be Little" by Billy Dean
"Then They Do" by Trace Adkins

>Who is best contender for President?
If I have to choose, which honestly, I think they all suck...I'd have to go with Clinton. I know, I know. But, Obama wants to dismantle NASA and that puts my husband out of a job. McCain is just so freaking old and staunch in his views. Let's give the Clinton household another shot at it. Maybe the damn gas prices will drop below $3.00 a gallon again, if we get someone in office that isn't a Texas oil king.

>What are your views on illegal immigration?
Welcome to my country. I offer you all the opportunities that I have. However, please enter legally and please learn English. Please do not fly your country's flag above the USA flag on the flag pole. That is called disrespect.

>How did you know Josh was "the One"?
There was no "defining moment." Love is not a thing you fall in grow in to it. I know he is the "One" every time I see him hold one of our children. Or when he holds me when I cry. Or when he forgives me when I'm being unreasonable. Or when he goes to work everyday, so that I don't have to. Or when he encourages me to chase my dreams.

>What is the worst date you've ever been on?
The first date that Josh and I went on. He didn't talk the entire night and when I offered to pay...HE LET ME. I didn't like him one bit. When he asked me out again, I agreed, but knew it would be the last time. But, when he protected me from the scary monsters at my first haunted house and then dropped his Pepsi on my foot when we kissed (yeah, I'm that good!)...I figured he had potential! :)

>Your most embarassing moment?
To get hired on at Discover Card, you have to be drug tested. I went to the testing facility and they actually don't let you close the bathroom door all the way! The lady doing the test stood outside the partially closed door and waited! I got performance anxiety and I couldn't pee! I had to bring the empty cup back out and tell her that I couldn't go. I was a mortified 17 year old.

>If you could be twenty again, what would you do differently with your life?
I would have gone back to school while I only had one child, instead of four. I would have saved for our dream home, not gone into massive debt to get it.

>What would your girls' names have been if they were boys, and what would Lukey's name have been if he had been a girl?
Carter was the boy's name forever, but after Josh's brother died we changed it to Luke to honor him. Sydney was Luke's girl name...and will still be the name of choice for the next girl.

>Were you born into the church or did you come to it as an adult?
I was raised Catholic. While I went through the routine and did all the classes, I still had many questions. In our home, we went to church and CCD, but nothing more. I never read the Bible or prayed. Growing up (from teenager on), in Utah, you can't help but be surrounded by the LDS faith. In the beginning, I met some very mean LDS people and that put a bitter taste in my mouth, for many, many years. After meeting my husband and getting married, I saw what the LDS faith is really about. When we moved to his family's town, I began going to church when I had Sunday off. That ward felt like home. Going every Sunday was like seeing family. I have never felt more welcomed or loved in my life. As I studied and prayed, I realized that this is the lifestyle that I wanted my children to have. I want them to be modest and obedient. I want them to treat their bodies with respect. While I don't understand everything (who does?), what I do understand, I believe. More importantly, I feel that this is the way I want to live my life. Do I judge anyone that doesn't believe what I do? Absolutely not. But I also expect the same respect in return.

>What one moment in your life defines who you are?
Can any one moment define a person? If I had to narrow it down, I would say the moment we were Sealed together as a family. What an absolutely beautiful feeling that was. What an enormous responsibility, I chose to accept.

>If you could chose how you were to die, what would it be?
Ever seen "The Notebook"? Minus the Alzheimer's.

>What actor really does it for you?
Vin Diesel. But only when he's in a movie. You ever seen him interview? He's kind of a moron. He was definetly made to be seen, and not heard.

>What one thing do you want to be remembered for?
Always being there when someone was in need.

>Do you believe de ja vu means anything?
No. But, it's creepy.

>Can you lick your elbow?
No, I can't. And yes, I just tried!

>Best book you have ever read?
"My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult

>Favorite band, group, or singer?
I don't really have favorites. But, after seeing Trace Adkins in row 9..I'd go again. And again. And again. Grrr!

>If you could have a super power what would it be?
I'd like to be able to change the flavor of food. This way, I can eat just fish and veggies and salad, but taste french fries and cheeseburgers and tartar sauce!

>What is the worst movie you have ever watched?
As of now...I Am Legend. What a waste of time.

Why It's Good To Make Friends

Only Three Words

I stole this from Lizzie cause it looked like fun!

What I am doing: staying up late

What I’m proud of today: I worked out

What I’m thinking about: missing my hubby

Who is home: kids, me, pets

Plans tonight: sleep some time

My weekend was: way too short

What’s for dinner: Josh made burgers

Feelings about love: warm, comforting, secure

Feelings about life: truly, truly happy

What I need: better self esteem

What I want: skinnier thighs/butt

What I have: everything I need

My pet peeve: dogs in supermarkets

My guilty pleasure: cheese on anything

What you don’t know about me: turn feet backward

What I can hear: something on TV

What I can smell: onions from dinner

My style: isn't a style

My hairdo: short and curly

My outfit: soft and comfy

My mood: tired but fighting

The weather today: too damn cold

Thoughts on parenting: I always try

Thoughts on marriage: always and eternity

Thoughts on politics: who to choose?

Thoughts on celebrity gossip: not worth it

Thoughts on beauty: everywhere I see

Thoughts on sleep: hate to alone

Thoughts on writing: want to publish

My favorite appliance: over stove microwave

My favorite car: is paid off

My favorite splurge: my cute toes

My favorite beauty secret: take a shower :)

My favorite treat: Cafe Rio salad

My favorite everyday pleasure: hugging my hubby

Ten years ago: got a license

Five years ago: pregnant with #2

One year ago: unhappy with location

One year from now: loving my life

Five years from now: graduating nursing school

Ten years from now: crying over teenagers

I’m famous for: poems I write

I’ll never be famous for: anything, most likely

Who I am: I am ME

Who I hope to be: secure and successful

What I’m thankful for: every little thing

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

It's Gotta Go

Why do people think it's okay to bring small, yappy, shivering dogs into supermarkets? Really, I don't get it. I used to have a chihuahua and when I went out into the cold, frigid world...I left him at home.
C'mon people...we can't all be (and shouldn't strive to be) Paris Hilton. I know she made the whole doggy in the purse thing really freaking weird "cute", but get over it.
It's bad enough that people (yes, yes, myself included) bring snotty-nosed kids into a place where food is. (It's kinda against the law to leave my kids home alone.) But, even my kids don't lick their own butts. Seriously. I don't want a butt licker around my produce. It's just gross. When I see it happening by the kinda kills my urge for the BLT I was shopping for.

You Gotta Find The Magic Words

Dad: "Avery, Luke is awake, please go open his door."
3-Year Old: "No."
Dad: "C'mon, go let him out. I hear him awake up there."
3-Year Old: "No."
Dad: "Avery, do not open Luke's door. I don't want him out yet."
3-Year Old: (in a sing-song voice as she runs up the stairs) "I'm gonna let Lukey out!!"

Bill Cosby was right. Reverse psychology does work!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

It's The Little Things...That Count

Do you ever remember to be grateful for the Little Things? Do you even recognize and acknowledge the Little Things?
Today, I went to Bay's school to help with reading, like I do every Tuesday morning. When I got there, the class was just leaving for an assembly, so I ended up not having to read. Bay's teacher just asked me to change out their books, which takes about 15 minutes, compared to the hour I'm normally there. This freed up 45 minutes of my day, that I hadn't planned on. Because my Tuesdays are so crazy with appointments and school, 45 minutes is like GOLD.
I actually recognized this little gift and was so thankful for it. Before I left, I found an old, broken brown crayon in Bay's desk, found a paper towel by the sink and left her a little note on her desk. Nothing much, just something to tell her I loved her and that I hoped she had a great day. I hope that Bay takes the time to recognize the Little Things, too.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

300th Post Coming Up

My 300th post is coming up. Crazy, isn't it? Who knew I had that much to say? Who knew that so many of you would listen? :)
So, as I have seen on other blogs, I am going to offer the chance for you to ask me anything and I will answer it. Well...pretty much anything. I am a very open person and will usually discuss anything, but since my grandparents read this...I reserve the right to censor the questions. LOL Want to know my favorite color? Always wondered what my view on abortion is? Just ask. I'll post all answers for my 300th post, in about a week. Let's see how creative you all can be!

Saturday, April 5, 2008

The Best Kids

(Easter 2008)

I have the best kids. We all know that they get into their fair share of mischief and trouble, but they have moments when they surprise me, too. This morning, Josh had to go back to work, so I am on my own. The kids know that I am not feeling well (though they don't know why) and so they let me sleep in. When I got up, the older two had fed and clothed the babies. They had also helped them make their bed and pick up their rooms. Then, they were all wiping down the kitchen table and chairs when I came downstairs.
By the time I have sat down to blog this, the fighting has already resumed and all attitudes have been turned on. But, I'm just happy that they tried! :)

Friday, April 4, 2008



Good-bye, sweet car. Good-bye payment that I never wanted. Good-bye debt that made me crazy every month! Good-bye!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Good-bye Little One

Well, it's over. Josh and I went in at 8:00 this morning. The nurses were incredibly nice and very comforting. A few things bothered me and I can kind of laugh at them now, but at the time, they got me crying again.

When they called me up to the desk, we went over the usual verification of name, address, date of birth, blah blah blah. She tells me that I am already pre-registered, so she only has a couple questions. The first one was "Is the reason for surgery today due to an accident?"

Really? I mean, I'm sure that is a standard question, but it hurt. I wanted to yell, "YES! It was an accident and a mistake and I don't know why it has happened or who caused it!"

Then, filling out the medical history paper, the last question was: "For women, is it possible that you are pregnant?" I just stared at it, through tear-filled eyes and couldn't answer it for the longest time.

When they brought us back to the room, the nurse showed me what to change in to and then left the room. I started panicking and crying and told Josh that I couldn't do this. He hugged me and told me that we could walk out now. He said that I didn't have to do it this way and we could just leave. I calmed down, changed and waited for them to come get me.

When they took me down to the operating room, Josh had to go to the waiting room. Laying in the hall, outside the operating room, I started really panicking. I began shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't catch my breath and I just really wanted Josh with me. The anesthesiologist, nurse and my doctor came out and tried to calm me down. When that didn't work, they gave me something in my IV that helped a little. They moved me into the room, slid me on the table and put an oxygen mask on my face. The last thing I remember was the feeling of a tear sliding down my cheek.

I awoke in a room, with a nurse by my side. We had to stay for about an hour after and then we were able to go home. While we stayed and I tried to wake up, I made Josh climb into bed with me and hold me. I didn't realize it until later, but I was still crying when I woke up. If it's possible, I think I cried through the surgery.

That thought doesn't make me sad. It actually comforts me. I will still cry if I need to, but for now, I feel peace. I have a feeling of acceptance, that I didn't have before. I'm really looking forward to trying again and having that feeling of elation when the test comes back positive.

Josh bought me this beautiful Willow Tree figurine today. I put it on my bookshelf to always remind me of the love that I have for all of my family...even if they can't all be with me right now.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Looking Forward

My doctor is absolutely wonderful and knew how quickly I needed to get in for surgery. He called this morning and told me that he had an opening for tomorrow and wanted to know if I was okay with going that quickly.
I have been preparing myself for this for several days, so I am more than ready. I am so thankful that very soon, we really can start focusing on healing, instead of playing the waiting game. I have begun accepting our reality, something that seemed impossible a week ago.

I'm looking forward to smiling again...
without it feeling forced.
I'm looking forward to laughing again...
without it sounding fake and hallow.
I'm looking forward to hugging my husband again...
without crying on his shoulder.
I'm looking forward to making it through an entire hour...
without feeling the gnawing pain.
I'm looking forward to making it through an entire day...
without depressing moments.
I'm looking forward to trying again...
and being excited about the possibility of another baby.
I'm looking forward to the future...
and whatever it may hold.

A Little Ray Of Sunshine

Bailey: (while sitting at the ENT office) "Mom, did you know that spit has another name?"
Me: "Oh yeah? What's that?"
Bailey: "Salima."
Me: (giggling on the inside) "Sa-lime-a? Don't you mean saliva?"
Bailey: "Yeah. That one."

P.S. My darling daughter earned herself a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy, to be done in the first week of May. Yes, this is the same child that just had the ankle injury. Not to be confused with the child that had her adenoids out 3 weeks ago. Yeah, our insurance company loves us.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Final HCG Results

March 21st: 1699
March 24th: 1770
March 31st: 1525

I'm calling tomorrow to schedule my D & C surgery.
I'm just thankful that we finally have an answer.
Not the answer we wanted.
But an answer.
Now we move forward.