Friday, September 12, 2008

With Love, Mommy

Dear Munchkins,

Mommy guilt is a powerful thing. You have no idea how often I feel guilty. I feel guilty when you ask me, daily, when we're going to Disneyland and I have to tell you that we don't have the money. I feel guilty when I can't buy you everything I want to...even though I know that's probably for the better.
Lately, I feel guilty for how often I have to say, "I can't right now, I'm doing homework." or "We can't today, Mommy has to go to school." It's hard for me to turn you away, knowing that you are only little, for a short time.
I try to make up for it and I hope you know that. I might not have been able to color with you you, but I have started tucking you in, even though that was Daddy's job before. We couldn't stay at the park "just a little longer...please...Mom!?", but I make sure that we do your homework together every night. I might miss your soccer practice every week, because I'm in school, but I'm up early every Saturday morning to cheer you on at your games.
It's a fine balance, being a Mommy and a student. Ultimately, I am doing this for you guys. I am doing this to make your lives better. That Disneyland trip? Well, I want to take you. College? I want to make it a little easier for you.
When it comes down to it, I want to make you proud of me. I want you to look at your Mom and forget about the time I made you cookies, but was so busy multi-tasking, that I forgot the chocolate chips. I want you to know that the sacrifices I'm making now...and you're making too...will benefit us all in the long run.
You guys are my everything. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. It just might be tomorrow when I get time...instead of right now.

With love, Mommy


suebug said...

It's amazing to me how insiginificant as a mother I feel whenever I read your blog. I often feel that way anyway, but your so good at "Being a mom" and I struggle just being patient. I am one of those people who thought motherhood came naturally to all women, well, it doesn't. I have to work at it daily. I understand your school/home struggle though. And I love your children. Bailey and Roo are the only two kids in the whole Willow elementary school that are nice to Aspen. They have a good mom for an example!

Mamarazzi said...

ah the "balance dance" i am still figuring out the 'steps' myself.

it sounds like you are doing really well though. and look at those faces...they know their mommy loves them!

Jen said...

Leeann, you are absolutely amazing!!!! Your babies love you so much! You are right, in the long run, you ARE doing what's best! Mommy guilt is the worst, I know, but you are doing an incredible job. I'm often awe struck at how you do all that you do!

common mom said...

The balance . . . we never feel like we're getting it right. But ya know what, we are . . . the balance tips differently for every family and we all do what we think is best at any given time.

You love them more than anything and they know it!

Pamela said...

*sigh* I hear you on this one! This is my fifth year (and last -yay!!) back to school and I often wonder if my kids will only remember me saying: "no, I have to do my homework" "not right now" "I have to go to school" "I'm tired!" I know that my decision to go back to school will benefit my family in the long term but sometimes I worry about the here and now. Have a great term :)

Pam said...

oh the balancing act of life- I hate mommy guilt- like the kind I get each and every day when I realize I am THAT mom who picks up her kids last from day is so hard. But know that you are doing what is best for your family. In the long run, they won't remember you didn't get to color, but they will remember the love you share with them each and every day. It will all be worth it and college won't last forever but your love for them will.

Andrea said...

I loved that post, Leeann. So real and honest. You are doing a great job!

Regina said...

Your crew is beautiful and getting so big!
They are proud of you, Hell, I'm proud of you!!

Family Scads said...

You are such a cute mom. Your kids are so full of life and are glowing with happiness because they have great parents. I know about the guilt feelings we have as parents. Parenthood is so much different then we ever thought it would be...but so much better. Maybe winning the lottery would help!

mickey said...

Thanks for taking time today to be with your oldest child. I needed the time mommy, thanks. ;)