Saturday, May 31, 2008
I love you so very much! I hate that we live so far apart and that you cannot be apart of my everyday life. My children would benefit so much from having you in their lives. You are an amazing woman and I hope that when I grow up, I am just like you! There isn't a person out there, that has met you, that does not talk about your caring and friendly personality.
I hope that you have a wonderful birthday! I wish I could be there to share it with you.
You're upbeat, insightful, effervescent and imaginative.
Sometimes a little too imaginative... You're all about the subtext, about what's going on between the lines. You very rarely take anything at face-value.
You also have a tendency to be a little neurotic and self-absorbed, and fall for guys who are either (for the most part) emotionally unattainable or completely wrong for you.
That's okay, though, everyone loves you anyway. You're very well-liked. You always have a shoulder for your friends to cry on or an ear for them to gossip in. High-profile and fun, you're the life of the party.
"You can't make friends with a squirrel. Squirrels are just rats with cuter outfits."
"I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it."
"The only thing I've ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several small fires."
Friday night. Four girls. One fantastic dinner (with a hot waiter that I embarassed myself with -this story shall go unwritten...LOL). One AMAZING two and a half hour movie!
I had so much freaking fun Friday night! Brat, Crys, Em and I went out to dinner, along with most of the female population trying to kill time till the movie started. The food was fantastic and the clothing of some of the other movie-goers was great entertainment.
We had fantastic seats and got there just early enough to observe some of the other movie attendees. Lots of groups of women like us. Many groups of "younger" (read: barely late teenagers) "women", that came decked out in "Sex And The City Attire"...which I had to laugh at...cause weren't they like 9 when the show started? A few groups of "double daters", where you know the guy got dragged along. Even a few groups of incredibly hot men...there with each other. :)
The show started up and the applauding started. From the very first moment I was hooked! I laughed, I almost cried, I clapped, I threw up! (Well, that was at dinner and was due to the peanut in my uterus...but you get my point. LOL)
I cannot wait to get it when it comes out on video...where I will then hide it in the veeeeery top of my closet where there is no chance that the kids will find it! There definitely was a whole lot of SEX going on in the city!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
So, to close the case, you want to meet my oldest daughter? Fine. Meet my beautiful, intelligent, innocent, kind, loving, caring daughter.
You also want to talk to someone that can vouch for my "parenting skills"?
I'm sure I can find a person or two that can tell you where you can shove your "Is she a good mother?" questions.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Long version: A month after my D & C, (so, on 5/3/08) I still hadn't gotten a period, so we thought we'd take a test, just for fun. Wouldn't you know? It came up positive!
Well, after googling and thinking, we realized that it could just be left-over hormones from the baby we lost. So, on 5/6/08, we took another one...second positive! After a call to the doc, I went in for a quantitative HCG test. (Fancy way of answering the question: "Dude, how much pregnancy hormone is swimming in my blood?")
The results came in at 880...meaning that I was right about where I should be for a new pregancy....or...most likely, some tissue was left from the surgery. So, I had to go in 5/12/08 for another HCG test. Dr. Stowers said that if the numbers were about the same, then we would schedule an ultrasound, to check for tissue. If any tissue was found, I'd have to go back in for another surgery.
He called the morning of 5/13/08 and said that level had gone from 880 to 8944! I was shocked! He got me right over to the receptionist and scheduled my first appointment for today. Funniest thing though...I was cleaning the house before the call and let's face it, no one likes doing that. So, to entertain me, I had my MP3 player in one ear (so that the other ear was still tuned in to every fight, yell and scream coming from the kids). On comes the song "Arms Wide Open" by Creed. This is the song that I used to play for Bailey when she was in my belly. (I love, love, love this song, but actually haven't listened to it for years. I just added it to my MP3 player a couple weeks ago.) If you've never heard it, it's about a couple finding out that they are expecting and knowing that their whole world is about to change. Wouldn't you know? During this song is when the doc called. Ooooo....creepy!
I'm so nervous. I heard the question once, "What is the hardest jump to do in figure skating?" The answer was, "The one you do right after a fall." For some reason, that stuck with me and that explains how I feel about this pregnancy. This is going to be the hardest pregnancy, because it's happening right after a losing a baby.
However, after seeing the little peanut on ultrasound today, and seeing the little flicker of the heart, I have calmed down a bit. It seems that this peanut wants to stick around! So, here's hoping that the horrid
Monday, May 26, 2008
Many of the children have had it. (They are very considerate and have each picked a different day to have it. This way, we can't get it all over at once...it has to d--r--a--g on.)
My washer and dryer are going to go on strike if I wash one more load of puked on clothing, bedsheets, teddy bears or blankets.
I am tired of it.
I want it to go away.
We came home from shopping last Friday, to find a business card from someone from DCFS stuck to our front door. I assumed that it was someone finally following up on Skylie's case. (She was appointed a guardian ad litem, when we got custody of her...but no one ever contacted us about her.)
After calling her, she advised that she didn't want to talk about it over the phone and asked if she could come over. I told her that was fine and she arrived about 15 minutes later.
The things she had to say made me SICK! Absolutely SICK. Someone called in and reported a case against us, involving my two oldest children. Think of the WORST reason that DCFS would get involved...that's what was reported. My husband and I were absolutely devastated. I won't write exactly what was said, but I assure you, just listening to it, you could tell how absolutely FAKE it was. However, DCFS still felt the need to follow up on it.
SERIOUSLY? I called DCFS, HOW MANY TIMES about Skylie? And they NEVER did a thing. But, they have the nerve, to sit me down, in my home after ONE report (that the case worker called "bogus" and advised that she tried to get it thrown out) and tell me that my children will now have to go to the Children's Justice Center and be interviewed and have that interview taped? That they will be shown anatomically correct dolls and be asked questions that my children don't need to hear?
As you can imagine, I shut down for a day or two. I knew immediately who had called this in. I knew that this was some sort of sick "revenge" for the court case we had won. The other things already reported and filed falsely against my extended family resulted in nothing, so this was a quick way to get a rise out of my little family. It's not enough that my parents were receiving 3-6 harassing and threatening phone calls a day from this family....let's try and screw with us by getting to my kids.
Ever seen a pissed off Momma Bear? Well, that's the mode I went in to. I had to wait until Monday, and I called the cop that was put in charge of this case. I gave him a quick rundown of the "family" that I know called this in. I advised him of the precautions that we take in our home and that if anything were going on, I would know. After listening to me, he advised that even before I called, he had read the case and knew it was nothing. He said that there is nothing in there, that justifies me bringing my children up to the Justice Center for an interview. He said that, at most, an in-home interview may be done (which I agreed to), but that he would call DCFS about this, for us.
I was so relieved, I cried. I have done NOTHING wrong. My husband has done NOTHING wrong. We simply knew that a little baby was not being cared for properly, and fought tooth and nail to get her in our SAFE AND LOVING HOME.
All I can hope on now, is karma. These crazy people, that think it is funny to screw with little kids, will get theirs. Something horrible will happen to them and I will be standing on the sidelines APPLAUDING.
For that reason, they know that the cancer has grown resistant to the current chemo program she is on. So, they have changed her to another therapy, that comes in pill form. She has to take some after breakfast and some after dinner, for 14 straight days. Then, she gets a week off, where they will check her blood counts. They advised her that while they try to adjust the medication to her body and get the right dose, she could be pretty sick. Mom is a trooper and won't tell anyone a damn thing, so as far as I know, she has been tolerating it pretty well.
We had another scare, a few days later, when her chin started going numb. After a quick call to the oncologist, they decided that the only thing that could be causing it, is the cancer on her brain lining is progressing and pressing on facial nerves. They quickly got her in for a MRI the next day and told her some of her options. There is a brain chemo available (because for some reason, the brain does not respond to chemo like the rest of your body). It would involve a port placed in her head and HORRID side effects, like migraines.
Thankfully, the MRI came back with absolutely NO CHANGES to the cancer. We were all shocked and amazed...including her doctors. The numbness has started going away, with no diagnosis as to the cause. The doctors did order a lumbar puncture, just to cover all their bases, but we haven't gotten the results on that yet.
So, all in all, not bad news. I can take the little bit of bad news, sprinkled in with all that good news.
Friday, May 23, 2008
"Where did I go?", you ask?
To the land of no internet. That's right...my motherboard died AGAIN on my laptop. To top that off, our desk top's internet stopped working. After Josh tried to fix it (resulting in him also killing our phone line for a day!) and trying an internal wireless modem and a USB wireless modem...I'm back up and running.
Just please don't trip over the phone line that is connected to my modem and running through the front room, down the hall, around the corner, over the dining room table and into the kitchen.
Dell will be here this afternoon to replace the motherboard...thank goodness! I hate being stuck at a desk. I haven't been able to work all week, either, so pray for me that I haven't lost my job also. I swear my boss has to think that I'm making this stuff up! But, no, this kind of stuff only happens to me!
I have many things to update, so when the laptop is up and going and I can comfortably sit on the couch and type...I'll blog.
A lot has happened this week and without being able to blog it, I'm feeling extra stressed. So, stay tuned...it will be a lot!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
My baby boy, how are you already 2 years old? It seems like just yesterday, that I found out we were expecting a boy. I was so scared...how was I going to raise a son? After three girls, I pretty much had that down...but this boy thing...was gonna throw me for a loop.
Friday, May 16, 2008
I'm starting to like my 3 year old. Really. I'm starting to like her.
She is not causing as much trouble anymore...and I kinda like hanging out with her. She has an adorable little smile and such a bubbly personality. Not a day goes by, that she doesn't make me laugh. I don't know if it's her big eyes or the smattering of freckles across her nose...but you can't look at her and not know what a character she is.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I drive a lot. On Wednesdays, we put an average of 180 miles on the van. That is a lot of money flowing out of my tailpipe.
We are now starting to consider alternative fuel vehicles. We played the hybrid game, with the Toyota Prius, but hated the costly monthly payment. I've started looking into natural gas cars, because Utah has quite a few natural gas filling stations. Apparently we are one of the only places in the United States pushing these alternate fuel options. I really could go anywhere in Utah, and find a filling station. While I'm currently paying $3.59 a gallon for fuel now....I could be paying $.64 a gallon for natural gas. No, I didn't forget a number there...really...$.64 a gallon. I could fill up for a fraction of the cost that I am paying now.
The cost of the vehicles isn't that much, either. Granted, I'm looking at used ones, but they are quite affordable! I know that our mini-van isn't going to fit our family forever...the kids are only getting bigger. I have found a few 9 or 12 passenger vans that are no more than $7,000. They might not be the prettiest thing on the planet, but they aren't going to cause pointing and staring either.
Add on top of that, the Utah tax credit of up to $3000 when you buy one of these cars...and the deal is sounding sweeter all the time.
If we switched to one of these cars, maybe we could go on vacation this year. Right now, there is no way that we could afford it. We can't drive anywhere. But, with the natural gas, it would be an option.
IF...we vacation in Utah, that is.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Mom had support from all of us, through the whole walk. There was no way that we were going to leave her behind.
Some of my best friends. Thanks for coming to support Mom!
During the walk, Brittney said, what I was thinking. We were just about to cross the finish line and she turned to Mom and said, "You did it, Mom! You finished! Last year, we didn't think you would be with us this year."
I know I was fighting off the tears, because all year I have had the same thought. I know that at some point I will run "In Memory of Mom", instead of "In Celebration of Mom". But, it wasn't this year. And I pray it won't be next year. Or the next. Or the next...
Friday, May 9, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
My beautiful sister
I am so excited for these three! Brittney and Nate met many, many years ago. They have basically grown up together and have always remained friends, no matter where life took them.
I love you so much. You will always be my little sister and my best friend. I am so proud of you and the choices that you have made. You are a fantastic Mom and you are raising Landon to be such an amazing little man. He is so lucky to have you in his life.
I hope that you and Nate experience everything in life. I hope that you know sorrow, so that you may know happiness. I hope that you experience despair, so that you will recognize hope. I hope that you sometimes struggle, so that you learn how to lean on your faith and each other.
I hope that you love each other more today, than yesterday and look forward to the future, with your arms around each other.
Congratulations, Bratney. I love you!