Anyone I went to school with, recognizes that title as the 98-99 high school yearbook title. Since we were the class of 99 (now you all know how old I am!), we were considered to be the class living on the edge of time.
For some reason, I thought of that today. I feel like right now, I am living Life On The Edge Of Time. So many things have happened, or are happening, that it's overwhelming.
We moved to our new home in the last year. I'm struggling with trying to fit in and missing our old area. I miss my old friends and how close (demographically) we all were. It was a smart move for our family; we are out of debt and no longer struggle from paycheck to paycheck. But, I miss the close family-like feeling of our old town.
I started school this year. I am loving it (although, ready for a few weeks break) and I love that I have this new outlet. I love that I am with other adults and we don't talk about our home lives. We are all (just about) spouses and parents, but we just don't talk about it. We talk about our other classes, what classes we are taking this summer and how much the homework sucked. I love to use my brain in a whole new way, that doesn't involve dirty diapers.
My baby is going to be 2 years old soon. This may not sound like such a feat, but I have NEVER had a 2 year old baby. I have always had another baby, by the time the one turned 2. It's strange for me, because although I know that I want another baby, I think that much longer without success and I am going to get too comfortable with my life. My kids are reaching a level of some-what independence and I really like it! It's obviously not in my hands, so I'll just have to see what happens. To quote a song my grandmother used to sing to me, "Que sera sera." (Whatever will be, will be.)
In this past year I have also transformed myself. Physically and mentally. Mentally I have tried to fix my attitude. I have a hair-trigger temper and I've tried to be very conscientious of what has come out of my mouth. I don't want my kids mimicking my my bad attitude. Physically, I finally started finding time to put myself first. Losing 32 lbs in the last 7 months had been surreal. I still have a ways to go, but I need to ignore that and focus on what I've already done. I have never lost this much weight, or kept it off. I have never worked out as hard and consistently as I am doing. It's hard to get used to this new body. I still see myself as 32 lbs ago. When I buy clothes, I'm nervous to try on smaller sizes, because they always made me cry before. I still have to work out my new body in my head.
It's crazy, looking back at how things used to be. It's crazy looking at how life is playing out right now. It's crazy thinking about where my life is headed. It's crazy...living Life On The Edge Of Time.