Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Life On The Edge Of Time

Anyone I went to school with, recognizes that title as the 98-99 high school yearbook title. Since we were the class of 99 (now you all know how old I am!), we were considered to be the class living on the edge of time.
For some reason, I thought of that today. I feel like right now, I am living Life On The Edge Of Time. So many things have happened, or are happening, that it's overwhelming.
We moved to our new home in the last year. I'm struggling with trying to fit in and missing our old area. I miss my old friends and how close (demographically) we all were. It was a smart move for our family; we are out of debt and no longer struggle from paycheck to paycheck. But, I miss the close family-like feeling of our old town.
I started school this year. I am loving it (although, ready for a few weeks break) and I love that I have this new outlet. I love that I am with other adults and we don't talk about our home lives. We are all (just about) spouses and parents, but we just don't talk about it. We talk about our other classes, what classes we are taking this summer and how much the homework sucked. I love to use my brain in a whole new way, that doesn't involve dirty diapers.
My baby is going to be 2 years old soon. This may not sound like such a feat, but I have NEVER had a 2 year old baby. I have always had another baby, by the time the one turned 2. It's strange for me, because although I know that I want another baby, I think that much longer without success and I am going to get too comfortable with my life. My kids are reaching a level of some-what independence and I really like it! It's obviously not in my hands, so I'll just have to see what happens. To quote a song my grandmother used to sing to me, "Que sera sera." (Whatever will be, will be.)
In this past year I have also transformed myself. Physically and mentally. Mentally I have tried to fix my attitude. I have a hair-trigger temper and I've tried to be very conscientious of what has come out of my mouth. I don't want my kids mimicking my my bad attitude. Physically, I finally started finding time to put myself first. Losing 32 lbs in the last 7 months had been surreal. I still have a ways to go, but I need to ignore that and focus on what I've already done. I have never lost this much weight, or kept it off. I have never worked out as hard and consistently as I am doing. It's hard to get used to this new body. I still see myself as 32 lbs ago. When I buy clothes, I'm nervous to try on smaller sizes, because they always made me cry before. I still have to work out my new body in my head.
It's crazy, looking back at how things used to be. It's crazy looking at how life is playing out right now. It's crazy thinking about where my life is headed. It's crazy...living Life On The Edge Of Time.

8 comments:

Candygirlflies said...

THIRTY TWO POUNDS???!!

As well as everything else you accomplish every day???!!!

Girlfriend, consider this a "virtual" high-five.

You're my hero.

xoxo CGF

Stacy said...

I knew you were working your little butt off, but HOLY COW! I cannot believe you lost over 30 pounds! Way to go! That is a huge accomplishment!

Mom said...

Congrads daughter! That's awesome that you have lost so much weight. I could actually notice but didn't say anything cuz I know how sensitive you are about it. Your doing great and I know you will continue to do so. Also, aren't we all living Life On The Edge Of Time? Not just the class of 89-99. In real life we are. I love you!!!!

Pam said...

32 pounds?! Girl, you rock! Congrats on that. And congrats on all the life changes you have made from school to your attitude and all that is in between!

Crystal said...

This was a wonderful post. And just so you know... you are Amazing! In the short time I have known you not only have you become one of my greatest friends, you have inspired me to better myself and I love you for it.

common mom said...

Huge high five to you . . . on the weight and keeping everything else you have going on in perspective. I wish I lived closer so I could go work out with you and be as consistent with it as you. I NEED it!

Hair-trigger temper . . . got one of those here as well. It's the one thing I'm trying really really hard to work on at the moment. I hear myself in my kids every single day . . . and sometimes I don't like what I hear.

Congrat's to you on all that you're managing and accomplishing - you're amazing!

Steph said...

WOOHOO on the weightloss!!! :)

We had a LOT of changes last year and I felt close to what you are feeling now.

Liv is doing MUCH better! Thank you for asking. (And thank you for reminding me that I dont have to justify my parenting choices).

Andrea said...

i had no idea you've lost that much weight!

YOU GO, GIRL!!

you are really inspiring. i need to do the same thing! maybe one day...