Thursday, March 27, 2008

>Put Clever Title Here<

I went out to dinner last night with some bloggy Moms that I had yet to meet face to face. It was nice to put a face and voice to Crys and Jen. We had so much fun and I feel like I have known them forever. My only regret is that we all live so far from each other. I really could use some Mommies like them living on my street. (Plus, their kids are adorable and it would be GREAT to have someone for my kids to play with.) We ate too much and took some cute pictures...that I will post when I drag my lazy butt off the couch.

I still am scheduled to have my blood drawn again on Monday, but it feels a long ways away. Each day has been very different. Yesterday I did really well and even realized that I didn't think about it for a whole two hours. It shocked me and I even expressed my guilt to Jen and Crys for starting to accept this ordeal.

Today, it hit me again full force. I feel the depression part creeping back in. I look like hell and feel even worse. I have stuff to do, yet I have no desire to do any of it. If it weren't for my kids, and having to take care of them, I would just stay in bed all day. I called my Mom this morning and asked her to keep my niece today and tomorrow. I just don't have the energy to do it. My kids are at least semi-independent and don't seem to mind that Mommy doesn't care that they have been eating candy all day.

I took the week off work and that has helped tremendously. I figured this would all be over by next week and I could focus again. I almost feel like I should ask for another week off, at this point. I know they are slow right now anyway, but I also don't want to ask too much.

Josh has been really great through all of this. When he is home, he completely steps into the role of primary parent. If he thought I was moody before, I'm really throwing him for a loop now. Thankfully, he is taking it all in stride and hasn't questioned me at all.

A lot of people have shared their stories with me. I really am thankful for that. It is a nice reminder that I am not alone and that someone out there really knows what I am going through. I know that this kind of thing affects people differently. Perhaps it's because we tried so long...that I am having such a hard time.


Melessa said...

I rarely say this...but when I hear about gatherings like these, I wish I lived in Utah. I think I'm a bit older than you ladies, but I would have loved to have been there. You could have laughed at my inappropriate jokes and then speculated upon my departure why in the world I was ever called to the Stake YW Presidency. Oh wait, that's what the Stake YW President does after our meetings, then she realizes she has only herself to blame. ;>) (But I DO make her laugh here and there.)

I'm glad you are hanging in there. The waiting must be terrible, I'm so sorry.

Pam said...

I am so glad that you got to have some girl time with some great bloggers....I wish I could have been in that group- I'd love to meet you in person.

I am glad you are sharing with us and expressing yourself. Not that it makes any of it better or changes the crap you are left to deal with....but at least you have an outlet.

Think and praying for you!

TheVasquez3 said...

i am with melessa...i NEVER would say i wish i lived in Utah...but when i hear y'all are getting together i want in on all that fun.

Leeann...i feel your heart, i know the pain, i understand...i wish i knew exactly what to say, but having been there myself i know that there is nothing that could have been said that would make me feel comforted. just know i am here and you are in my prayers.

Cassie said...

I am so sorry ...I have a good friend that just recently went through something very similiar....You will definately be in my thoughts and prayers....

Stacy said...

I think its good that you went out, and good that you have times when you dont think about the situation. I know you feel bad not thinking about it, but it's probably best. If you are like me thinking makes me stressed, which isn't what you want right now. So, I say, look for any distraction you can!

Andrea said...

How fun to meet bloggy friends! I'm glad you had that experience that allowed you to have a GOOD time. You deserved it!

I am also so thankful that your hubby is so caring and supportive. He's a keeper!

TheVasquez3 said...

just wanted to stop in and say i was thinking about you and sending good healthy happy thoughts your way. and of course you are in my prayers.


Melanie said...

I haven't been by for a little while so I had to read down a ways to find out what was going on.

I am so sorry- I've been right where you are- and I am so sorry.

common mom said...

Thinking about you daily!