I went out to dinner last night with some bloggy Moms that I had yet to meet face to face. It was nice to put a face and voice to Crys and Jen. We had so much fun and I feel like I have known them forever. My only regret is that we all live so far from each other. I really could use some Mommies like them living on my street. (Plus, their kids are adorable and it would be GREAT to have someone for my kids to play with.) We ate too much and took some cute pictures...that I will post when I drag my lazy butt off the couch.
I still am scheduled to have my blood drawn again on Monday, but it feels a long ways away. Each day has been very different. Yesterday I did really well and even realized that I didn't think about it for a whole two hours. It shocked me and I even expressed my guilt to Jen and Crys for starting to accept this ordeal.
Today, it hit me again full force. I feel the depression part creeping back in. I look like hell and feel even worse. I have stuff to do, yet I have no desire to do any of it. If it weren't for my kids, and having to take care of them, I would just stay in bed all day. I called my Mom this morning and asked her to keep my niece today and tomorrow. I just don't have the energy to do it. My kids are at least semi-independent and don't seem to mind that Mommy doesn't care that they have been eating candy all day.
I took the week off work and that has helped tremendously. I figured this would all be over by next week and I could focus again. I almost feel like I should ask for another week off, at this point. I know they are slow right now anyway, but I also don't want to ask too much.
Josh has been really great through all of this. When he is home, he completely steps into the role of primary parent. If he thought I was moody before, I'm really throwing him for a loop now. Thankfully, he is taking it all in stride and hasn't questioned me at all.
A lot of people have shared their stories with me. I really am thankful for that. It is a nice reminder that I am not alone and that someone out there really knows what I am going through. I know that this kind of thing affects people differently. Perhaps it's because we tried so long...that I am having such a hard time.