Sunday, March 30, 2008

For The Record

For the record, here are some things I wish people would stop saying to me. (Which, honestly, none of these have come from bloggy-world. It always has to be some crazy neighbor or lady at the grocery store who heard about it from her sister's friend's aunt's cousin.)

-"You'll get pregnant again."
I am currently worried about this baby. Please don't treat my baby like a glass that broke, that I can replace.

-"I know how you feel."
Unless you have lost your own child, you have no idea how I feel.

-"It just wasn't meant to be."
This may be the case, but please don't say it. You wouldn't find it comforting if I told you that you are never "meant" to be skinny.

-"This is how your body takes care of it."
Wow. That is supposed to make me feel better? "It" was a baby. My baby. You make me feel like a mother tiger eating her young.

-"Your baby is in a better place."
There is no better place for my baby than in my arms. Thank you very much.

-"Time heals everything."
Uh-huh. It does. But this is not the time to tell me that. Tell me that when I have healed and I will agree with you.

-"You weren't very far along."
I fell in love with my child the moment the two lines appeared on the pregnancy test. Are you telling me that having a child die younger, is easier than if they were in their 20's? I'm guessing that it isn't. The pain of losing a child is pretty universal.

And please, if you are currently pregnant, understand that I am not mad at you, or even envious of you. I am happy for you and thankful that your baby is healthy. With that said, please have the respect not to bitch to me about your pregnancy.
That nausea you have? Yeah...I still have it.
You're really tired? Guess what? So am I.
Your boobs are tender? I know how you feel.
You are moody and emotional? You have no freaking idea.
I still have so much pregnancy hormone coursing through my body, that I still feel pregnant. I have all of the symptoms that you have. Except for anticipation of labor. And birth. And breastfeeding.
These have all been stolen from me.

And if you can't think of anything to say? Do what many people have done...don't say anything. I understand and appreciate your silence. I know what your heart is saying, when your mouth can't find the words.

If all else fails...a hug always feels good.


Erin said...

if i didn't say this before...unless u have been thru it u have NO idea what so ever how it feels. keeping all the fingers and toes crossed for you!!
lots of hugs!

Steph said...

I dont know your pain as I have never been there, but you have my prayers and as many hugs as you need.

Melessa said...

(((Hugs, Hugs, Hugs)))

Andrea said...

AMEN, sister!!

TheVasquez3 said...



Candygirlflies said...

Been there.

And sending you all my love.


xo CGF

Melanie said...

Been there and had many of the same comments. People just don't think before they talk.

Mom said...

One very big hug to you daughter. I love you so very much. Enough said.

Pam said...

I will never know the pain you feel and I wish that I could take some of your pain. I'm sorry so many people have been insensitive!

kellyo75 said...

I can imagine all the "words of encouragement" you are getting now. I am so sorry. I promise not to say any of that!