New Year's Resolutions

Yeah, it's that time again. I only want to make resolutions this year, that I have a fighting chance of keeping. So, losing 50 lbs and becoming a millionaire are still in the back of my mind....but I'm not going to kill myself if I don't achieve them.
With that said, my most important changes are:

1. No more pop. Yes. I am giving up my fabulous Diet Coke with Lime. Oh, how I will miss you. You have been good to me these last several months. (See, I gave this up last year, too...lasted about 6 months. I've got to beat that, this time.)

2. No more yelling. No yelling at my kids (who will attempt to test my resolve on an hourly basis), my husband (who also made the same resolution...we'll see how THAT goes) and the dog (even when the kids let him in from the outside, with muddy feet...and he runs across my freshly shampooed carpet).

3. We will have Family Home Evening EVERY week. It may not be on the traditional Monday night because of Josh's schedule, but some time during the week it will be held. This is important to our family, but something that falls on the back burner due to our ever demanding schedules.

Okay. Three things. I think I can handle it. What about you? What changes are YOU making this year?

She Doesn't Have To

This woman does not have to love the girl, that her son brought home.
She does not have to open her arms and her heart to someone else's child.
She does not have to accept that girl, faults and all.
She does not have to help, in every way possible, when things get tough.
She does not have to teach that girl of faith and love and understanding.
She does not have to make that girl feel as though she always belongs.
She does not have to be patient and kind and forgiving, when that girl is foolish.
She does not have to be compassionate, when silly mistakes are made.
She does not have to love her, as much as her own.

But she does.

To My Child

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry

and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink

and let you teach me how to put that puzzle together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off

and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny

when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck

and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up,

or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies

and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal

so you can have both toys.
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray,

I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children.

The mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms.

The mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter.

A little longer.

It is then, that I will thank God for you

and ask him for nothing.

Except one more day.

-Author Unknown-

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes---Straight To God's Ears

My 4 year old's prayer tonight: "Dear Heavenly Father, please bless that Jared feels better. Please bless Skylie, that we can visit with her another day. Bless Nana that she will be able to get her. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

My niece, that I have written about often over the last several months, is in danger. She is being "cared for" by her father and paternal grandparents. Other than a few weeks ago, when I had her for two days, they are refusing to let my family to take her. It was arranged with her mother, that we would be allowed to have her Thursdays and Fridays.
The home that this child is in, is not fit for my dog to live in. It is the filthiest, most disgusting house, that I have ever set foot in. This child is sleeping in a bassinet, in the hallway. She is being fed watered down pedialyte. When I took her for those two days, she came home and quickly drank 10 ounces of formula. Two hours later, she drank another 6 ounces. Anyone knows that these are abnormal amounts for a two month old to be drinking.
Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) was called today. They stated that because the child does not crawl, they don't care how dirty the house is. Seriously? What person out there, doesn't put a 2 month old on the floor for tummy time? Hmmm...apparently not her current guardians, because the back of her head is flat.
DCFS has made several comments about the situation:
"A neighbor will call if there is a problem."
"There needs to be proof of abuse before we can intervene." (Great...in theory. We can't get her out of the house to get her to a doctor to be examined!)
"I have a hard time believing that grandparents would do that."
And, my very, very personal favorite:
"Just because you are related doesn't mean that you have to care."
WTF? Really? If I don't care...who will?
I am not asking that the entire house be searched and everyone in the home be drug tested. (Although, in a perfect world, that would be GREAT, because I know for a fact that drugs were seen in my other niece's room when she lived there.)
I am simply asking that someone get off their rear, drive out to the home and knock on the door. You can see from the doorway that the home is unfit for anyone to be living in.

All this is coming from people who are supposed to be advocates for children! No wonder we lose so many children, in the hands of adults, in this country.

Hair Update-Two Months Later

Day One

Month One
Month Two

Thursday Thirteen #16- Beauty Inside and Out

(picture taken on Chemo Day 12/26/07)

Thirteen of Mom's Beautiful Attributes

1. Patience

2. Tolerance

3. Strength

4. Kindness

5. Bravery

6. Understanding

7. Forgiving

8. Selfless

9. Sensitive

10. Unwavering Faith

11. Spirituality

12. Comforting

13. Loving

Thursday Thirteen

Wordless Wednesday #16- Beauty.

Wordless Wednesday

My Version Of A Classic

T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a child was stirring and the cat caught the mouse.

The stockings were laid on the couch quite so fine,

In hopes that Dad wouldn't forget mine, this time.

The children were sprawled out, all over the floor,

Paid $600.00 for beds...but they like the floor more!

And Daddy so tired and I just the same,

Passed out from exhaustion...wrapping made us insane!

When down the bedroom hall, arose a great clatter,

I nudged my husband awake, to go see what was the matter.

Down the hall he shuffled, but wanting sleep more,

Arrived, barely awake and thrust open the door.

And what to his astonished eyes should be there,

But a tiny little girl, in pink underwear.

This child that stood there, so smiley and small,

Had found a blue marker and colored the wall.

"Oh, no!" "Oh, crap!" and "Gall-dang it all!"

"Why did you have to color the wall?"

"Get in your bed, I'm angry at you!"

"Why did you think this was okay to do?"

This child was covered, from her head to her feet,

In marker tattoos, she had drawn on, so neat.

Her eyes, how they shined, and he heard her say,

"Pretty picture for YOU Daddy. I do okay?"

Dad spoke not a word, but got straight to work,

Cleaned up the child, then turned with a jerk.

And laying the child, back in her bed,

He wished her good-night, and kissed her forehead.

He shuffled back in the room and gave just a sigh,

And with a slight chuckle, he then shut his eyes.

But I heard him whisper, as he slowly passed out,

"That child is what Christmas, is really about."

-Leeann Garrard-

-2007-

Amazing Friends

I have been slower than normal at posting some FABULOUS awards I have given! I recieved this wonderful award from Andrea and Pam. Two fantastic Mommies! Andrea always has great stories to share about her family and I love her candidness. Pam is just random. Gotta love a Mommy/Wife/Teacher that can't maintain a train of thought very long! LOL Makes for some fantastic reading!






I received this great one from Crys and Regina. I have a special place in my heart for Crys' family. Regina has the most wonderful heart and a gorgeous granddaughter!



Steph handed this one over. It's a beauty, isn't it? Steph is a fabulous Mommy and I love visiting to read about her adventures in Mommyhood.









This one makes it's appearance from Miss Sniz. Miss Sniz is never short on funny stories about her kids and husband. She is very blessed to have such a wonderful family. Thanks for sharing them with us!






I know it is Christmas time and it is better to "give than recieve", however, I am going to pass these on to no one. Honestly, we all seem to run in the same crowd and everyone I would have passed these to, already has them. That, and I am trying to save you from extra work. I know everyone is busy this time of year. :)
So, with that said, know that I love and appreciate you all and if you see one that you like and matches the colors on your page (LOL)...grab it! You completely deserve it!

Thank-you

Thank-you, little girl at my daughter's school, who told my daughter about her cousin. This little girl's cousin was caught smoking AT THE AGE OF SEVEN! My daughter completely understood why this was a bad idea and why no one should do it. She could even tell me some of the health problems that smoking can cause. Thank-you, Elementary School, for apparently bringing this up in class already, because my daughter knew way more than I gave her credit for.

Thank-you, Mr. DJ on the radio, who was discussing the recent Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy news. He was joking that he told his daughter that holding hands with a boy would get her pregnant. My daughter turned and looked at me and said, "You can't get pregnant by holding hands with a boy!" I agreed with her and then held my breath for the questions to follow. Thank-you, God, for allowing my child to remain innocent for a while longer, because the questions never came.

Thank-you, Wal-mart, for having your computers go on a fritz yesterday, as 200 people tried to check out. As we all stood in line together, my daughter witnessed patient people, laughing people and kindness. I was so happy to see that no one freaked out on each other or the cashiers.

Thank-you, to my friends and family. For all that you do. For all that you are. For all that you help me be.

Thursday Thirteen #15-My Christmas Wishlist

13 Things I Would LOVE To Get For Christmas

1. A baby.

2. A cure for cancer.

3. My car paid off.

4. Patience.

5. Self-confidence.

6. No more snow. ..

7. ...and 78 degree weather.

8. A selfless world.

9. A trip to Disneyland with my family.

10. No more migraines.

11. Long, healthy hair.

12. Enough money to pay for all of school.

13. A day of happiness and contentment for everyone on Earth.

Thursday Thirteen

Wordless Wednesday #15-It May Not Be Perfect. But, It's Mine.

Merry Christmas!

Wordless Wednesday

The Tough Stuff

When did it become okay to create children that you don't want?
When did it become acceptable to keep a child that you do not love and cannot care for?
Why is it okay for people to continue to have children, that they cannot provide for?
When did "less than mediocre" become the standard level of parenthood?
Why does my husband have to work 12 hour days, while other people choose to not work and live off the government?
Why do some people think that things should just be handed to them? What happened to hard work?
Why do people complain about their life, but they are not willing to do anything to change it?
Why do some people blame everyone, but themselves, for the problems in their lives?

Yeah, I'm in a mood tonight. A lot of things have happened lately, that frustrate me. I promise to break out of my funk and concentrate on the positives in life. But, not tonight.

She Is A Miracle

”The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn’t been, and until the end of the world there will not be another child like him.” -Pablo Casals

My beautiful niece, Skylie. I hope that she always know how much I love her. I pray that He is watching over her always. Somebody needs to.

All I Want For Christmas...

...is a positive pregnancy test. After two at-home tests and one blood test at the hospital...it looks like I will NOT be getting my Christmas wish.

Random Fun

Here are the rules: Type the answer to each question into a Google image search, and you pick an image from the first page of results...easy peasy...and fun!

1. The age you will be on your next birthday. (Hey! I just turned 26...let's not rush it!)

2. A place you would like to visit. (Australia...mate!)

3. A favorite place to be. (Camping at Potter's Pond. I have wonderful memories of this place.)

4. Favorite Food. (You put cheese on anything and I would probably eat it!)

5. Favorite Animal (White Tigers...who couldn't love this face?)

6. Favorite Color (Blue. Apparently it is also the name of a boy band.)

7. The town you were born in. (Lowell, MA)

8. Name of a past pet. (We had a chihuahua named Churro.)

9. Name of a past love (Matt...and I know where he is.)

10. Your first name (I always get Leeann Womack or LeAnn Rimes)

11. A bad habit (My hot temper. It doesn't look like this, though!) LOL


12. First Job (Newspaper carrier...fun stuff.)

13. Grandmother's name (Eva. All I could find was pictures of some porn star named Eva. Eww.)

14. College Major (Nursing!)

Thursday Thirteen #14-My Migraine

13 Things I Have Tried For My Migraine This Week

(that haven't worked!)

1. Tylenol

2. Ibuprofen

3. Loratab

4. Percocet

5. Excedrine Migraine

6. A hot bath

7. A dark room

8. A quiet house

9. A back rub

10. Mountain Dew

11. Sleep

12. Crying

13. Eh...only had 12 things. YOU got any ideas???

Thursday Thirteen

Wordless Wednesday #14-Calvin

Wordless Wednesday

Pay It Forward

I found this on Steph's blog and I loved the idea!

“I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog, requesting to join this Pay It Forward exchange. I don’t know what that gift will be and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog.”

For the first 3 people that respond I have a handmade goodie I’ll send you. This goodie will come after January 1, 2008.What do you have to do?

1. Respond on this blog and give your email address so that I can contact you for your address.
2. Place this on your own blog and also send the first 3 people that respond something.

My Life As A Sitcom

So, I had a conference call with my work from 3:30-4:30 today. As I rushed home from picking up the 1st grader, I gave the usual threats instructions.

"Stay upstairs. Play with the babies. No yelling, hitting, touching, pinching, flushing anything down the toilet, putting anyone in the toilet or peeing on the rug. If you don't listen I will kill you, maim you ,spank you, be very angry."

Just as I am dialing the number for the call, I hear a scream and a "Mommy is going to be so mad at me!"

Well, that's never a good sign! Up the stairs I run, to find the largest glass of chocolate milk (which I don't know WHY it was upstairs to begin with) you have ever seen...spilled all over the rug.

As I run for a towel, a scream comes from downstairs. "What now?" I scream calmly ask. Bailey yells, "Lukey just dumped Avery's potty on the rug. It was A LOT of pee!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Needless to say, the kids did not behave during the call. Thank goodness for the mute button!

"I'll Take 25 to Life, Officer"

I. Want. To. Kill. My. Husband.

I know that it seems very, very wrong to write about eternal love and then write about the demise of my spouse. But, such is life.

So, this morning, I got four kids and myself ready for church. Unless you have four children, aged 6, 4, 2 and 1, you cannot even BEGIN to imagine what that means. It means that you are ALWAYS running behind, there is a lot of yelling involved and someone usually ends up crying. Most of the time...it's me.

So, somehow I got them all dressed, with hair done. Now, it's my turn to run upstairs and quickly throw on my clothes. Up toddles my 2 year old, who after months of no problems, has just peed all over herself. I mean ALL over herself. Up to the neckline. Off comes her dress, panties and tights and a new outfit is carefully slid over her hair.

I quickly run out to the van to find her shoes, cause the Lord knows this child never keeps them on, or puts them away. I slide back into the house (because my porch is covered in ice..."THANKS, STUPID BUILDER, WHO DIDN'T DO THE GUTTERS RIGHT AND THEY LEAK ALL OVER THE FRONT STEPS!") and find the same 2 year old has now pushed over a chair, climbed on the counter and colored on the new dress...with a black Sharpie.

So, over the head comes the new dress and upstairs I run for dress #3. I run back down the stairs and skid to a stop in the kitchen, where I am now witnessing my son sitting at the table eating breakfast. Sounds cute, doesn't it? It would be, if he wouldn't have gotten a hold of my oldest daughter's yogurt. There he sits, oblivious to the world, dipping his hand in the carton of yogurt and licking it off. Of course, it is also dribbling down his arm and landing in his lap.

"WHY GOD? WHY?"

This finally ends with all four children dressed (some of them 2 or 3 times) and hair re-done. Out to the van we go. I load them all in, with strict instructions for the older two, to buckle the younger two.

I'd love to tell you that we made it to church, were touched by the Spirit and had a heart-warming hug when we got home. I'd love to tell you that.

Instead, I'll tell you the truth. I ran back into the house. I was beginning to get afraid, because I KNEW what was going to happen in the next few minutes. I'm so prophetic.

And guess what? One quick call to my husband confirmed it.

He took the keys, to the van, to work. 30 minutes away.

I. Want. To. Kill. My. Husband.

LOVE, Like A Fine Wine...

...only gets better, with age.

My first day of clinicals was nothing like I thought it would be. I didn't expect to fall in love with some of the residents.

At breakfast, I helped at a table with four, wonderful women. These women have a hard time swallowing and/or feeding themselves, so I sat with them the entire time. Only two of them spoke and even then, it was very difficult to understand them. All I could think, was how much wisdom was in these women's eyes and how hard it must be for their families to leave them in a facility.

When lunch time rolled around, I made sure to run to MY table, so that I could sit with the same fantastic bunch. We had to wait a few minutes for lunch to be served, so I sat talking with them.

One of the women, Anna*, just wanted me to hold her hand. She didn't speak, but would grab my hand and look into my face, as though she wanted to tell me something, but it wouldn't come out.

Another woman, Betty*, kept trying to talk, but it was very difficult to understand what she was saying. I'm sure she wasn't talking TO me, but she told me that she loved me very much. It brought tears to my eyes, so I told her that I loved her, too.

One of the other women, Carla*, had her husband there, to have lunch with her. Carla does not speak, and only stares into space. Once in a while, I would catch her looking toward me, and it was like she was staring into my soul. For a moment, I would swear that she was there. Then, only a moment later, her eyes would glaze over and she would be gone.

I watched her husband throughout the meal. He very carefully fed her and wiped her mouth. He talked to her and whispered in her ear. Carla never once gave him any response, but still, he tried. It was heart-warming to see how very tender he was with her.

In the world that we live in, it is unusual to see that kind of love. The kind of love that spans decades and lasts for generations. The kind of love that needs no words. The kind of love, that truly is eternal.

*Names have been changed, to protect the innocent. :)

"Ma'am, I Think You Are In The Wrong Class"

So, it's done, it's over, I passed. Now, I just have clinical hours and the state test left.
Then, I will be certified to change diapers, give baths, hold you while you cry, listen to you complain, paint your fingernails, feed you lunch, play games with you, clean your room, know when you are sick, help you learn balance while you walk, give you a back rub and tuck you into bed.

REALLY???

Did I just take an 80 hour class on HOW TO BE A MOM?

So, what about....

the basement?
It is being worked on daily, now. The ceiling was being textured today. The plumber also stopped by today. Hopefully this means that the bathroom will be getting worked on soon. The carpet guy came by to measure for the carpet. I still don't know how we are going to pay for that part of it. Eh...Josh's mantra..."It will all work out."
school?
I have my final test for my CNA class tomorrow. I'm not worried. I think it will go fine. I have two more clinical days, and then I can apply for a time slot for the state test. I am really worried that I won't be able to find a job that will work around Josh's schedule. This is currently stressing me out.
Mom?
She is doing pretty good. Her red and white blood count was down last week, so no chemo was allowed. She got a shot for the red blood cells and has just had a little soreness from that. She seems to be less depressed and I pray that this is not just an act. I really miss our joking around and her laughter. Those days are few and far between right now.
Christmas?
I have all the kids done. I just have a lot of wrapping ahead of me. I still haven't written our Christmas letter, so I really need to get on that. We are having family pictures done next Sunday afternoon, at the Benson Grist Mill. I am so excited and I pray that the kids are in a "picture taking" mood.
the weather?
Yeah. Another huge storm is coming in. I do not ski. I do not snowboard. I do not like the snow. I have no use for it. It can snow all it wants in the mountains, but the 6+ inches they are expecting in the valley, does not make me happy. If I miss clinicals again, because the snow plows have not made it to my rural corner of the world...I am going to be PISSED!
you?

A Higher Power

Me: (pointing to a picture) "Who is this?"
2 year old: "Jesus!"
Me: "Who is Jesus?"
2 year old: "He's my friend!"
Me: "What does Jesus do?"
2 year old: "He colors on the walls!!"
Me: (laughing) "Why does he do that?"
2 year old: (shaking her head) "He's naughty."

Thursday Thirteen #13-Advice To Myself

Thirteen Things I Would Say To My High School Self

1. You will survive. Even when you're sure you won't. What seems like a big deal now, is really a minor hiccup in life.


2. You know how you think you are fat now? Well...enjoy the body you have. You will never get it back.


3. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. The people that matter, don't mind, and the ones that mind, don't matter.


4. Don't stop dancing. You will regret it for the rest of your life. And...your solo was great. Screw that judge.


5. Don't waste your time on him. Don't let the things he says to you, make you feel bad about yourself. He doesn't grow up to be anything special. In fact, I'm not sure he ever grows up.


6. Think of all the dreams you have for your life...not a single one is going to come true. Not one. But you know what? Reality ends up a lot better than those dreams, anyway!


7. Take the time to talk to someone new. Everyone is fighting some kind of battle. Make life a little easier for them.


8. Your very best friends...are still your very best friends. You may be separated by time and distance for a while, but they still fit like an old glove.


9. Take care of yourself. Take up running like you want to. You'll thank me later.


10. She isn't really your friend. She is a back-stabber. Do not tell her anything or divulge any of your secrets to her. Don't worry though, she gets hers.


11. You are stronger than you think you are. You will have the last laugh.


12. Enjoy your youth, while you have it. You will grow up too quickly and miss the time you had, to just be a kid.


13. Nothing I say is going to get through to you...so I reserve the right to say, "I told you so."

Wordless Wednesday #13- Daddy's Little Man

Wordless Wednesday

I'm An Over-Achiever...Err...Sorta

Holy Mother of Mary...what have I done? Wouldn't you think that one week of chaos was good enough? Apparently, it wasn't. I have to be the over-achiever of insanity and I have registered for college classes.
My Tuesday nights will now be filled with talk of "If Susie can jump 13 inches high and Harry can jump 17 inches high, who forgot to pay the power bill?" and "Eat veggies! Chocolate is bad! Chocolate is the devil. Worship the asparagus!" Yes, I am going to try to survive a math and nutrition class. I'm sure my math class will be filled with super-smart high school kids and I'll feel retarded. My nutrition class will be filled with incredibly good-looking skinny people. Yeah, they'll use me as the "before" picture of total body health.
I know, I know. I'm being unrealistic. There won't be really, really smart people in my math class. I'm taking such a "beginner" class, that it is probably similar to a "English as a Second Language" class. The people in there, have probably never seen numbers. Cave drawings are their only formal education.
I am excited, don't get me wrong, but I'm also nervous as hell. What if I'm the oldest one there? What if no one will sit with me at lunch? What if the professor is younger than me? What if my back pack is the wrong color? :)
Oh yeah, and those important concerns, like, "Who is going to feed the kids dinner?" and "Who will put the children to bed?"

CNA Class Humor

***Note to my CNA friends***

I did not download all the pictures from class, because there was so many. If you want me to e-mail you a copy of them, leave your e-mail address in the comments and I will send them to you.

Mommy's Final Day

So, today we discussed the final stages of dying. This can be exprienced by the person dying, or anyone coping with the death. We watched this very informative video. :)
Someone made these stages very humorous. You can't but help to laugh at the poor giraffe!