Sunday, December 9, 2007

"I'll Take 25 to Life, Officer"

I. Want. To. Kill. My. Husband.

I know that it seems very, very wrong to write about eternal love and then write about the demise of my spouse. But, such is life.

So, this morning, I got four kids and myself ready for church. Unless you have four children, aged 6, 4, 2 and 1, you cannot even BEGIN to imagine what that means. It means that you are ALWAYS running behind, there is a lot of yelling involved and someone usually ends up crying. Most of the time...it's me.

So, somehow I got them all dressed, with hair done. Now, it's my turn to run upstairs and quickly throw on my clothes. Up toddles my 2 year old, who after months of no problems, has just peed all over herself. I mean ALL over herself. Up to the neckline. Off comes her dress, panties and tights and a new outfit is carefully slid over her hair.

I quickly run out to the van to find her shoes, cause the Lord knows this child never keeps them on, or puts them away. I slide back into the house (because my porch is covered in ice..."THANKS, STUPID BUILDER, WHO DIDN'T DO THE GUTTERS RIGHT AND THEY LEAK ALL OVER THE FRONT STEPS!") and find the same 2 year old has now pushed over a chair, climbed on the counter and colored on the new dress...with a black Sharpie.

So, over the head comes the new dress and upstairs I run for dress #3. I run back down the stairs and skid to a stop in the kitchen, where I am now witnessing my son sitting at the table eating breakfast. Sounds cute, doesn't it? It would be, if he wouldn't have gotten a hold of my oldest daughter's yogurt. There he sits, oblivious to the world, dipping his hand in the carton of yogurt and licking it off. Of course, it is also dribbling down his arm and landing in his lap.

"WHY GOD? WHY?"

This finally ends with all four children dressed (some of them 2 or 3 times) and hair re-done. Out to the van we go. I load them all in, with strict instructions for the older two, to buckle the younger two.

I'd love to tell you that we made it to church, were touched by the Spirit and had a heart-warming hug when we got home. I'd love to tell you that.

Instead, I'll tell you the truth. I ran back into the house. I was beginning to get afraid, because I KNEW what was going to happen in the next few minutes. I'm so prophetic.

And guess what? One quick call to my husband confirmed it.

He took the keys, to the van, to work. 30 minutes away.

I. Want. To. Kill. My. Husband.

13 comments:

Candygirlflies said...

It's a good think he's at work, or he'd be at his own funeral right now!!

Yikes, what a day... Tomorrow just HAS to be better (or at least, that's what I'm always telling myself)

xo CGF

Pam said...

Oh Leeann! I am so sorry! I feel your pain. I feel like that some days and I only have two to get ready. This weekend (and every other weekend) we have Gary's 4 kids for a grand total of 6. Yeah- 6 kids to get dressed and out the door. Of course, the older ones are teenagers so that isn't work - except getting them to wake up and get the heck out of bed. Oh, sorry, now I am venting about me! I'm glad I am not the only one who gets mad enough to spit nails at the man we love and married. Sorry you went through all that work and couldn't even get to church. IF only you had known about the key after dress #2...;)

Hope tomorrow is better!!!!

Mom said...

How many times is this that he has taken the keys to the vehicle you needed?

Girl said...

Dude, that just sucks.

katie said...

I completely understand. Our ward starts at 8:30 a.m. Only 3 more weeks. I'm counting down!

Who Am I? said...

My kids are 9,7,5&3, back when they were younger was when my DH was in the National Guard at least one Sunday per month. I hated those Sundays. Now he has a job at church that requires he be there at least 30 minutes before church starts and we live a 20 minute drive from there. So, though mine are now a little older, I DO feel that pain. And I agree with the others that it was a good thing that your hubby was 30 minutes away.
Church was cancelled due to ice in our neck of the woods today. I wish I was sorrier about it.

Melessa

Crys said...

All I can say is wow. And I thought I had bad days. I am so sorry. You SO deserve a vacation!!

P.S. There is an award waiting for you over at memoirsofamommyblog.

Steph said...

Oh my! (((hugs))) I wouldve wanted to kill my hubby too.

We had a talk in Sunday School about how by the time you get your kids ready and to church you are NOT in the mood to be "Godly".

Andrea said...

Oh, girl...that would've been AWFUL!! I would've been ready to give up at outfit #2.......

His Girl said...

oh man, oh man, oh man!

totally been there.

still gives me nightmares.

satan is so unoriginal in his stupid attacks, isn't he?

sorry about the stupid attack- hope it goes better for you this week!

Common Mom said...

Oh man! So sorry about your crappy morning . . . and really, I can handle a bad day, but when it starts right in the morning, well, that just throws the whole thing in the crapper. Hope today was a better one for you!

http://www.commonmom.com

BeQui said...

So this reminds me of when I was growing up. My earliest memory is getting in my carseat to go to church.... And I wasn't wearing any panties. I had sneaked them off because I didn't like how restricted they made me feel.

Sniz said...

What a story! Since my youngest is nine, I sometimes forget what getting to church on time used to be like!