Welcome to Monday. Say good-bye to the weekend, to sleeping in, to no homework, to no work...to less stress. Suddenly, in comes Monday Morning, similar to a category 5 hurricane.
My morning started out at 5:30 am (okay, technically 5:40...I hit snooze once!). I did a couple hours work before waking up the house for the day. The usual happened, nothing to write home about, the fighting with the oldest kids to get up, get dressed including socks and shoes, make their bed, get dressed, brush their teeth and GET DRESSED!!!
Then, I wake up the 2 year old and walk down the hall to the 16 month old's room. I open the door veeeerrrry slowly, peeking in, thinking he would giggle like he normally does. But, you forgot this was a Monday Morning, didn't you? Instead, I am smacked in the face by the smell of sewage. As I am blinded by the visible, noxious fumes, I hear a small voice call to me. "Poo-poo. Poo-poo.", it says.
In the corner, on the bed, is a very happy, very dirty little boy. A little boy who took his diaper off. A little boy who took his diaper off and then proceeded to pee and poop all over his bed and floor. Then, I assume, he rolled in it, because he was covered from head to toe. He has a mesh barrier that is on the side of his bed, to prevent him from falling out. This too, has poop in the mesh. After my thoughts return to me, I reflect on what fun this mesh side is going to be to clean out.
One bath, one load of laundry and one box of baking soda later...we are all ready for breakfast. Breakfast is done, the six-year old reads her school book one more time and out the door we go! After loading half of Noah's Ark into the van, I discover...(wait for it....)....the battery is dead!
You know that ticking noise a dead battery makes when you try to start it? That is the exact same noise they use to drive people crazy in Hell. I'm pretty sure of it.
Back out of the van and one quick, frantic phone call to my sister-in-law and she is one her way to rescue me. (Please keep in mind that she lives 15 minutes away...she's not coming from across the street.) I then, call my husband at work. First, I leave a message and then he calls me back.
Josh: "How's it going?"
Me: "How's it going? Didn't you get my message?"
Josh: "Yes. You're having a bad morning?"
Me: (thinking: That's the understatement of the year!!) "Darling, remember how last night you made a comment that you were going to go shut all the lights off in the van, because the kids had turned them on? Well....you didn't, did you?"
Josh: "Yes, I did."
Me: "Well, the battery is dead. Brat is on her way to save me."
Josh: "I'm sorry."
Me: "Add that to the poop fiasco this morning and I am ready to go climb back in bed and pull the covers over my head."
Josh: "That sucks. I'm sorry."
That was pretty much the gist of it. I don't know what I expected from him at a time like this, but "That sucks.", wasn't cutting it.
Brat makes her way here and she gets Bay off to school while I use the battery-jump-starter-thingy that she brought from Mom and Dad's house. She gets back and we hash over my morning (please keep in mind that throughout this conversation I am standing outside, in front of her new boyfriend, wearing my pajamas, no bra, no make-up and frizzy hair.) She leaves with the battery-jump-starter-thingy and boyfriend in tow.
Fast forward to 30 minutes later and Josh calls again.
Me: "If you are calling to tell me any bad news (I'm thinking: like mandatory OT), just hang up now. I don't want to hear it."
Josh: "No, it's not bad news."
Me: "Oh, good. Well, everything has calmed down, except poopy boy is whiny today."
Josh: "He might be getting sick. Did you shut the lights off in the van?"
Me: "What lights? You said you shut them off."
Josh: (dead silence)
Me: (Me running outside. Still in pajamas, no bra, no make-up and frizzy hair. Sorry neighbors!) "The lights?! Are you kidding?!"
I peek in the windows and sure enough! All the interior lights are on. I quickly jump in the van and turn the key. My world quickly fills with the musical notes from Hell.
Yep, are you forgetting it's a Monday Morning? Well, the battery is dead again! Josh is now on his way home from work, to come fix this mess.
Now, I sit here, at only 10:00 in the morning, wondering what else will go wrong. There is still lots of Monday left. One of three things is going to happen today: someone is going to break a bone (again), the house is going to burst into flames or I'm going to find out I'm pregnant. With triplets.