Monday, September 24, 2007

It's Just Another Manic Monday

Welcome to Monday. Say good-bye to the weekend, to sleeping in, to no homework, to no work...to less stress. Suddenly, in comes Monday Morning, similar to a category 5 hurricane.
My morning started out at 5:30 am (okay, technically 5:40...I hit snooze once!). I did a couple hours work before waking up the house for the day. The usual happened, nothing to write home about, the fighting with the oldest kids to get up, get dressed including socks and shoes, make their bed, get dressed, brush their teeth and GET DRESSED!!!
Then, I wake up the 2 year old and walk down the hall to the 16 month old's room. I open the door veeeerrrry slowly, peeking in, thinking he would giggle like he normally does. But, you forgot this was a Monday Morning, didn't you? Instead, I am smacked in the face by the smell of sewage. As I am blinded by the visible, noxious fumes, I hear a small voice call to me. "Poo-poo. Poo-poo.", it says.
In the corner, on the bed, is a very happy, very dirty little boy. A little boy who took his diaper off. A little boy who took his diaper off and then proceeded to pee and poop all over his bed and floor. Then, I assume, he rolled in it, because he was covered from head to toe. He has a mesh barrier that is on the side of his bed, to prevent him from falling out. This too, has poop in the mesh. After my thoughts return to me, I reflect on what fun this mesh side is going to be to clean out.
One bath, one load of laundry and one box of baking soda later...we are all ready for breakfast. Breakfast is done, the six-year old reads her school book one more time and out the door we go! After loading half of Noah's Ark into the van, I discover...(wait for it....)....the battery is dead!
You know that ticking noise a dead battery makes when you try to start it? That is the exact same noise they use to drive people crazy in Hell. I'm pretty sure of it.
Back out of the van and one quick, frantic phone call to my sister-in-law and she is one her way to rescue me. (Please keep in mind that she lives 15 minutes away...she's not coming from across the street.) I then, call my husband at work. First, I leave a message and then he calls me back.

Josh: "How's it going?"
Me: "How's it going? Didn't you get my message?"
Josh: "Yes. You're having a bad morning?"
Me: (thinking: That's the understatement of the year!!) "Darling, remember how last night you made a comment that you were going to go shut all the lights off in the van, because the kids had turned them on? Well....you didn't, did you?"
Josh: "Yes, I did."
Me: "Well, the battery is dead. Brat is on her way to save me."
Josh: "I'm sorry."
Me: "Add that to the poop fiasco this morning and I am ready to go climb back in bed and pull the covers over my head."
Josh: "That sucks. I'm sorry."

That was pretty much the gist of it. I don't know what I expected from him at a time like this, but "That sucks.", wasn't cutting it.
Brat makes her way here and she gets Bay off to school while I use the battery-jump-starter-thingy that she brought from Mom and Dad's house. She gets back and we hash over my morning (please keep in mind that throughout this conversation I am standing outside, in front of her new boyfriend, wearing my pajamas, no bra, no make-up and frizzy hair.) She leaves with the battery-jump-starter-thingy and boyfriend in tow.
Fast forward to 30 minutes later and Josh calls again.

Me: "If you are calling to tell me any bad news (I'm thinking: like mandatory OT), just hang up now. I don't want to hear it."
Josh: "No, it's not bad news."
Me: "Oh, good. Well, everything has calmed down, except poopy boy is whiny today."
Josh: "He might be getting sick. Did you shut the lights off in the van?"
Me: "What lights? You said you shut them off."
Josh: (dead silence)
Me: (Me running outside. Still in pajamas, no bra, no make-up and frizzy hair. Sorry neighbors!) "The lights?! Are you kidding?!"

I peek in the windows and sure enough! All the interior lights are on. I quickly jump in the van and turn the key. My world quickly fills with the musical notes from Hell.
Yep, are you forgetting it's a Monday Morning? Well, the battery is dead again! Josh is now on his way home from work, to come fix this mess.

Now, I sit here, at only 10:00 in the morning, wondering what else will go wrong. There is still lots of Monday left. One of three things is going to happen today: someone is going to break a bone (again), the house is going to burst into flames or I'm going to find out I'm pregnant. With triplets.

11 comments:

Shalene said...

Oh, you make me laugh! LOL! I know that wasn't funny, but you do want another child don't you?? LOL! I had a day like this a couple years ago, right after my 2 year old was born. Only it happened on a Friday. No one tells the days of the week, which ones can be bad. My 2 year old was in the hospital for two weeks when she was born because she was premature. On the day they let her come home (which was good- but all the new baby stuff that goes along with it had me pretty tired) I was home for about 2 hours when I get a call from my son's school nurse. It appears he had broken his arm on the playground. So back to the same hospital I just came from 2 hours earlier to spend 5 hours with my son getting his arm set during surgery. With a newborn, that still wasn't nursing properly, to boot. Anyway, just thought I'd let you know that you will be in my prayers today, and I hope the rest of your day isn't too manic. Blessings to you!

Shalene said...

I just saw your weight loss ticker. You need a trying to conceive ticker too. I got one from lilypie.com (you can see my pregnancy and kids' birthday tickers at the bottom. Obviously the trying to conceive ticker is gone now.) I go in two weeks for an ultrasound, and I'm hoping they don't tell me I'm pregnant with triplets. :)

suebug said...

Babes, you...me...WALK...VENT...CRY...whatever, you COULD HAVE CALLED ME, I DO LIVE ACROSS THE STREEST...sniff sniff. I don't even mind if you smell like poop, baking soda, have frizzy hair, no bra, and only PJ's on! Cause I usually, smell, and look the same!! CALL ME NEXT TIME, glad you made it though! Dibs to you!

Melanie said...

Oh my goodness- what a MORNING. I hope your day greatly improved. I did laugh at your post, and although I'm sure that you did not laugh- maybe one day you'll be able to!

Pam said...

Okay- you crack me up! I am so sorry about your day. I know it is horrible when you are going through it, but reading you retell it was hilarious. I am curious which of the three things ended up happening?? ha ha ha I can't believe that this many things can go wrong for one person in the same day....I will not complain about my class today because no matter what I put up with today....your day was worse. btw- I totally would not have accepted "that sucks" either. Sometimes that just doesn't work. Hope tomorrow goes better! (oh yeah- I often walk the dog in my pj's uncombed hair, no bra, no shoes....I'm sure my neighbors love the show!)

KeepingTrackOfErin said...

aren't mondays the best. i'll have to remember u the next time i think i'm having a bad day!!!

katie said...

holy cow....i think you should just order take out tonight. Better luck tomorrow.

Common Mom said...

Oh man do I feel for you! At least you got it out of the way right away. I did have to laugh, though :-) And even if you weren't laughing today, you will laugh about it - I promise. I laugh every time I think about "That Sunday" in 2003 . . . go here and have a laugh on me :-)

http://commonmom.com/humor/whats-in-your-toilet/

Girl said...

Holy scary Monday batman. You win :)

mickey said...

holy crap and i mean that is the best possible way. i am so sorry you had to clean all that up. yuck! i hope tuesday brings you sone serious joy. good luck!

De said...

you had a day like me. Tomorrow will be better! I HAVE to believe that.
~Blessings