This is how mornings in my home happen:
1. Wake up (after hitting snooze twice).
2. Wake up the 4 kids, advising the older ones to brush their teeth and make their beds.
3. Climb in the shower while the older ones are not brushing their teeth or making their bed.
4. "Invite" in the 15 month old pounding on my shower door.
5. Fend off the 15 month old who has spotted Mommy's naked chest and doesn't remember that he has been weaned...2 months ago!
6. Climb out of the shower and dry off while refereeing a fist fight over who is wearing what shirt to school. (they are 4 and 6...this is starting already???)
7. Climb back into the shower after I discover that I never rinsed out my conditioner.
8. Out of the shower again.
9. Manage to put lotion on half my face before I realize that the 2 year old is missing. This usually means she is either: coloring on the walls, smearing toothpaste on the mirror in the kids' bathroom, running outside naked, eating a bottle of lotion or squirting apple juice on the rug.
10. Find the 2 year old, naked, coloring on the wall and drinking apple juice.
11. Yell to the 4 year old and 6 year old to "BRUSH THEIR FREAKING TEETH, ALREADY!"
12. Discover that I never put a diaper on the 15 month old boy and now he is playing "sprinkler" on my bedroom rug.
13. Somehow manage to get all children clothed, including underwear/diapers.
14. Start doing hair only have them fight over who's hair I do first. ("Why is her hair curled?" "Why does she have 2 ponytails?" "I wanted 2 clippies!")
15. Now, they are all dressed and downstairs waiting for breakfast.
16. Curse myself for not wiping the table good enough after dinner last night, and now I have to chip dried spaghetti sauce off the table.
17. Convince myself that a pop-tart, grapes and milk is a well-balanced meal.
18. Not search for shoes (because I was anal enough to give each child their own Rubbermaid box in the garage, complete with their name, to put their shoes in.)
19. CRAP! Search for shoes, because their Rubbermaid boxes have shoes in them...just none that match!
20. Load all children, backpacks, shoes, homework and other paraphernalia into the van.
21. Run back into the house for keys.
22. Run back into the house for something...anything...because it's show and tell day in pre-school.
23. Realize that I previously decided that the chicken nuggets and fries that the school was serving for lunch was unhealthy...so I needed to make the 6 year old a lunch.
24. Run back into the house and throw juice, peanut-butter crackers, yogurt and cantaloupe in her lunchbox.
25. Drop off the 6 year old at school...with a hug, a kiss and a smile.
26. Drop the 4 year old off at pre-school with the same.
27. Drive home with the 15 month old shrieking and the 2 year old yelling, "TURN IT UP!!!"
28. Get home and find that the 6 year old left her lunch box on the floor of the van.
29. Go back to the elementary school and bring it to the office with apologies.
30. Return to the van, chanting, "I'm NOT a bad mother. I'm NOT a bad mother. I'm NOT a bad mother."
31. Find that the 2 year old got out of her car seat AGAIN and is now jamming out to the sounds of Fergie and the screaming 15 month old.
32. Drive home and recognize several things:
a. I never finished lotioning my face.
b.Those darn kids never made their beds.
c. Toothpaste was smeared all over the mirror. And the wall. And the cat.
d. My 15 month old son is wearing a girl's shirt.
e. I haven't brushed the 2 year old or 15 month old's teeth yet.
f. I have to do this all over again tomorrow morning.