I have hit the end. I am tired of being stuck in a body that I don't like to look at. I don't know how I ended up this way or when it became so out of control. I am tired of feeling like the person that everyone stares at. I see Moms out there with kids younger than me...that have completely gotten their body back. I want to be them. I want to buy clothes that I love and feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to feel attractive to my husband. I hate feeling like a prisioner within myself. I don't want my daughters to have this poor self image that I have. I don't want them to grow up with a Mom with horrible self esteem. I don't want them to see a Mom that cries all the time because she hates herself.
I need to reevaluate my lifestyle. I need to realize that I am young and that I don't need to have all my kids RIGHT NOW. I need to like myself before I bring another baby into the picture. We have confirmed that I am not pregnant. It's time to focus on me. I need to make better food choices. I have already made a lot of positive changes. I just need to stop relying on food as my therapy and happiness. I eat when I'm happy, sad, depressed, excited, bored, tired...it needs to stop. I need to find other outlets for my emotions.
Today is the day I make a change. I will make healthy choices. I will stop making excuses for not exercising. If I have time to watch a movie, I have time to do some crunches. I will stop letting other people drag me down and overcome my willpower. I will journal more, to avoid the late night munchies. I will be okay with setbacks and I will forgive myself for my weaknesses. I will allow myself to be proud of my accomplishments. I will learn to love myself.